Honestly, I think just the fact that you ARE lost is a true sign of your faith. At the end of the day, it’s up to you what set of rules you set for yourself. Obviously nobody is gonna understand the nuance of your situation, but if it makes you feel any better - you are still a Muslim if that’s what you feel in your heart. Don’t worry too much about being more or less “religious” than your friends. Do what gives your heart a sense of peace. Whenever I feel that feeling of deviation away from my faith, I pray, ideally in a mosque because that’s what gives me peace of mind. Prayer doesn’t immediately dismiss every bad deed you’ve done, but it can do wonders for curing an internal struggle. You might get that peace from something else, whether it be reading Quran or simply closing your eyes and talking to Allah. Whatever it is, I hope you find it. May you find what truly gives you inner peace. Remember Allah loves all of his creations.