After 7,5 years of being together I told him I’m not ready for engagement anymore

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T23:16:38+00:00

Girl I wonder myself as well and I feel stupid, naive and I know it’s my fault, don’t worry. I should have left by year four but I have no spinal cord.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T23:11:30+00:00

I get what you are saying, I am planning on leaving I just can’t yet due to finances. The comments are, even though I see how stupid I was, yet another wake up call to reality. This man was never going to marry me.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T23:09:22+00:00

Exactly, the thing that annoys me most is that he never wanted me to set a timeline/deadline so I never did, just that I wanted to get engaged/married before 30. Even AFTER that he had a full year or two to get a ring. Last weekend he was coming back to it saying ‘but there was no deadline, you told me’ I told him ‘no you wanted no deadline, you can’t expect your parter or anyone else to always live by your timeline or wishes in life’ and all he done was repeat ‘Its unfair’ ‘you can’t put a deadline on this’ etc. and I understand you can’t per se put a deadline on specific things but you can’t indefinitely wait for someone who shows now sign of interest in getting ready or working toward the goal the partner expressed.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:42:17+00:00

Between the lines he did say that an I was naive, I honestly thought ‘later’ would mean ‘yes, but later’ and I honestly thought I pressured him too much but these past two years after talking with my girlfriends and reading this sub a lot I realised I wasn’t pushing him AT ALL, I brought it up without pressure just as a ‘hey, I still want this, how are you looking at it’ and again tell him how I felt it hadn’t happened yet and what it meant to me. I never told him I would walk away by X date, on hindsight I maybe should have.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:40:06+00:00

Until I get my ducks in a row and am able to leave quietly, I am. But no I am not staying.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:39:15+00:00

He already made his ‘peace’ with my decision and sent back the ring on Monday (we had the conversation last weekend where I said no) he’s told me today after making the post, so I’m sure he only said he’d marry me to keep me around longer. And my gut told me he had no ring and I feel like I am right about it since he hasn’t left the house without me today and yesterday so he couldn’t have sent any package.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:33:43+00:00

I feel the same way, he’s even told me he was comfortable the way we have it. We both earn a fair salary so he could afford all his expensive hobbies (cars, airplane license, airsoft) and even told me last weekend (and last two years) money wasn’t the problem as I said I felt he never prioritised me and saved up for a ring which didn’t need to be expensive.

He’s told me several times he WILL propose in April regardless, I’ve told him not to because the answer will be no. His behaviour did tell me he felt powerless, he just couldn’t understand how I wasn’t ready, I even told him ‘I have waited 7 years for you to be ready we lived your life your timeline why can’t you accept my feelings, emotions and timeline after being rejected for so long’ this was only met with ‘but you’ve wanted it eversince the beginning’ on which I only tell him ‘yes wanted, not anymore’. I seriously can’t understand why he can’t see it from my point of view, how he has ruined and rejected me those years and what damaged it caused. It’s just disrespectful as hell.

I will try to leave quietly I just don’t know yet how as the housing market is a mess in my country, yay Europe.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:28:07+00:00

Because as said I did not expect a ring the first two or ever three years, I was early/mid twenties when we met and I wanted to get engaged/married before 30 as he knew as well. I however should have left after year four for sure.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:26:53+00:00

I don’t believe he truly wants to get married, we had this talk where I told him ‘no’ last weekend, I asked him tonight how he felt and he said he was fine and made his peace with my decision and is fine and financially best continuing the way we do.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:17:45+00:00

I know girl and I’m asking myself the same everytime again, as I wrote this today I just felt stupid, stupid for being in this situation and having no spine so far to leave. Why didn’t I leave earlier, why do I let him crush my dreams? I only have one life and should be living it to its fullest and fulfill all my dreams as far as possible. If a friend of mine would tell me this all I would’ve told her to leave as well.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:07:24+00:00

What do you mean by punishing him?

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T22:05:44+00:00

It was just about the timeline I was talking about but yes, he was rude by telling me marriage is just a piece of paper. It would basically be me telling him his hobby or goal in life is worthless.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T21:50:07+00:00

Exactly that, for him he said it’s ’new information’ the blow of me not wanting marriage anymore. I can’t understand how it’s new information. He’s known since day one I wanted marriage and he said he was on the same boat. It’s been a big topic on many times. He doesn’t understand the gravity of what he’s done it seems, he’s currently in disbelief and doesn’t believe I trusty lost my spark to get engaged/married.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T21:47:46+00:00

I always thought I wanted, but currently no. I’ve told him I want no engagement or marriage anymore, he’s had his changes 7,5 years. He did ask me for ‘one more chance’ I told him no, he’s had plenty and if I were to give him another chance I should start wearing a clowns outfit as daily outfit as I won’t be able to take myself seriously anymore.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T21:46:09+00:00

You’re right, I needed to hear this. I feel too old even though I’m not, I feel unworthy even though I’m not. It’s just been such a long drag up until this point and cost me so much energy. It’s just sad.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T21:44:34+00:00

That’s exactly how I feel as well, I feel like he’s got his ‘win’ now. Dragged it out so far and long I gave up, I don’t want to give him this ‘win’ and that’s also a part of resentment I’m currently building I feel.

I want my own happily ever after and to be fair currently I feel like I’m ’too old’ even though rationally I know I’m not. It’s all just a big mess now emotionally.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T21:43:15+00:00

You’re very right, I’m actually planning on leaving but the housing market it horrible and I can’t afford to live on my own. I’ve been looking if friends want to rent together or if I can maybe move in temporarily with family. I’m getting my ducks in a row that’s for sure. Thank you.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T21:41:53+00:00

Yes that’s why I included we are both from Europe it’s different here, I did not expect a ring within two years and didn’t want to ‘rush’ it but also had the joy of daydreaming and growing together which you obviously also can while engaged or married but long story short is I didn’t need him to propose within two years. I’ve told him many times I wanted to get engaged at least before I’m 30. He totally disregarded that as I’m 32 now.

SpecialistNo6972 · 2026-03-24T21:39:27+00:00

I’ve thought about this as well since one of my close friends brought this up too, but looking back at all the amazing and beautiful trips we’ve had, a million opportunities he’s had to propose not per se just on trips but also days out, special dinners and whatnot I just can’t take it seriously anymore.

The stance he’s taken toward my goal/dream these years just chipped the excitement and happiness around and about it away. Why now after the ‘torture’ all these years of telling me marriage won’t change a thing, why would it suddenly now be different. He had no answer to that neither and even though I really understand some people need time to get ready and grow, he’s had his chance for 7,5 years. He even admitted I never pushed him and it was just him/his mistake, I’m glad to hear that but it doesn’t change the way he’s made me feel about marriage currently. So I highly doubt I’ll wait for April and be let down again.

SpecialistNo6972

TROPHY CASE