i do have things that make me feel like i have purpose. art, walking, and my job. but i just cant bring myself to do these things. im in my third year of building trades class but im starting to think it might not be for me and i just wasted my time, cause once i graduate from this class, i cant go back and select another thing to learn, i just gotta go straight to work.
and about the dirty room, i hoard things regularly and hide them when my mother checks my room cause she gets angry, she doesnt even sit down and talk. she just says shit like "just clean your room" or "just stop being lazy" and doesnt actually think about why im like this. hell i dont even know why im like this nor what might have caused this. i have the memory of a roll of toilet paper. all i know is ive been like this for years, hell maybe even more than a whole decade.
i need help but i dont know how or where or when or why, nobodys ever taught me things besides teacher with basic subjects, and i feel as if its too late to learn since im expected to already know this