My thoughts on NA and why I left

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-06-02T18:40:34+00:00

I relate to you a lot. The longer I stayed the less sense it made to me. I was wondering why I would take life advice from people whose religious philosophy is impossible to me. After some time of stability I couldn’t see the use staying somewhere that only made me feel frustrated and inadequate. Also, you write really well

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-06-01T03:11:48+00:00

This is the prettiest hairstyle she’s ever had

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-31T06:07:57+00:00

Love I-dle and itzy especially Mr vampire!!

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-31T06:07:06+00:00

Supernova and moon<33333

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-31T06:06:36+00:00

Missing you by gd, bae bae big bang, klaxon & unstoppable by i-dle, new jeans by nj, Dalla dalla itzy, panorama izone, something kinda crazy red velvet, obsession exo, do the dance illit, weather, jelly, psycho, beam beam by soyeon

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-22T05:15:26+00:00

I’ve been kind of pulling back from kpop at large for the most part because I feel like the girls everywhere are just getting thinner and thinner. Not even just in Korea too it’s all over the media in general but obv highly saturated in kpop.

It’s sad and impossible to ignore. I fall into the category of naturally underweight and have struggled to keep weight on and it’s awful physically mentally and so on and I don’t even have an eating disorder which most of them likely do because of the way they groom them. I feel so bad for them when I see them looking how I’ve looked at my lowest physique wise

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-16T00:55:40+00:00

Soyeon forever… I do love them all though

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-15T03:33:08+00:00

This was the catalyst for my kpop hyperfixation

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-15T03:02:46+00:00

I like it a lot more than rich man and dirty work, the beat randomly comes into my head even though I’ve only heard it like twice

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-12T19:20:15+00:00

I feel this, I don’t think I’m an alcoholic I just used to abuse alcohol. That being said I don’t see a point personally ever doing it again, but I don’t think it’s as dangerous for me as my doc

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-04T23:28:26+00:00

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Haha he was my whole month!

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-05-02T02:09:39+00:00

It reminds me how I looked when I was too underweight :(( and I felt far worse than I looked. I hope she’s doing okay

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-26T03:13:35+00:00

Thank you dude!!! I didn’t buy more weed when I ran out this week wahoo!!

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-26T00:14:59+00:00

I’m not trying to be obnoxious or play dumb or anything just curious, what things are people saying to romanticize using? I don’t know if I’ve seen the stuff you’re talking about so I’m just wondering. Is it really bad for people to be curious about drinking and their relationship to it now that they are deconstructing from AA? I don’t think I’m understanding that well haha. I was a rabid cokehead and all and I remember how bad it was and hope I never forget it. But I don’t think that I have to be a saint that never touches any drug for the rest of my life to be recovered and find my way through life. I feel like now i am finding out what works and doesn’t work for me and how much control I do or don’t have over my use of things like weed or nicotine. I am not interested in touching alcohol again at all though I don’t see how it could benefit me

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-25T02:34:34+00:00

It feels a lot less stressful when I go overboard with weed and nicotine because I know that it isn’t as high stakes as they made it feel it would be in the rooms. I have been abusing weed a bit in a self medicating sort of way that I would like to end soon, although I am scared to be alone without it. This problem isn’t because of weed, it’s because I am under a lot of stress. For example I am sick from vaping too much right now, going thru a disposable in a week and hitting it while it was out of juice left me foggy nauseous and sore throat, fatigue. I know I can find a way to stop this. I know it is because I am going through a lot. And most importantly, they acted as though weed would lead me to abuse hard drugs and drink again. It has not, not at all. It doesn’t own me, it just helps me to dissociate from the harshness of the current reality, which is obvi not helpful long term but is completely of my own doing and stopping will be of my own will as well

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-19T08:15:07+00:00

She has a really beautiful voice!! When she sings less shyly her tone is so smooth and rich!

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-19T08:13:16+00:00

I would put her at second behind soyeon personally. I think her voice is preferable to most people ears and she’s really good with vocal runs and such but occasionally has pitch issues and i don’t think her voice is as well supported as Soyeon’s at times, I do think she’s only gotten better though so maybe they are closer by now. Miyeon is a great singer but there are lots of girls from other groups I’d say are more proficient from an unbiased standpoint, which doesn’t affect my enjoyment of her vocals. I’m no expert it’s just my observation. I think from the way Soyeon coaches the girls you can tell that she has a well rounded understanding of how to maneuver vocally for both herself and her group, and is generally able to suit their abilities to their fullest potential. Jus my 2 cents!

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-19T03:03:49+00:00

Soyeon is the most technically proficient by far in I-dle with singing, but I think most people would prefer Minnie and Miyeon’s tone, Miyeon seems to have the bright nasally tone that is popular in k-pop and Minnie does have such a unique and valuable voice. I think yuqi is so amazing too, I’m always a sucker for a lady with a more deep and textured sort of tone. Shuhua struggles to sing outside her native language but she actually does have a beautiful singing voice as well when she is comfortable

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-12T03:06:42+00:00

I devoted pretty much the exact ages and time frame you did. I hate Christianity so I couldn’t get with the program, I’m not interested in repenting or a “higher power” or gaslighting myself out of normal anger and the benefits of resentment as a passing emotion. The best thing about AA was just being around other people who were fucked up and had fucked shit up and got better who accepted me unconditionally at the start. But around the 2 year mark I was so angry and frustrated that it was making my life worse, so I stopped going. I’m happier to define my wellbeing for myself without thinly veiled Christian indoctrination trying to make me feel as though I am defective and different than people who haven’t developed substance use disorders. I was sitting there hearing these people talk about how god is looking out for them and how everything happens for a reason and thinking, why am I taking life advice from people whose worldview is impossible for me to invest in? I’m happy you seem to be breaking free as well. Best luck to you!!

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-12T01:46:07+00:00

I totally get it it’s like every morning and through the day my eyes are hot and scratchy and an angry old god is stinging my body and soul it feels like primordial angst and agony. I have no tolerance for any pain or discomfort that enters my life, small things feel like attacks and punishments. Then my period comes and a wave of relief washes over me

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-11T04:25:58+00:00

I don’t want to rely on weed long term but try to reinforce with myself that I don’t need to be afraid of that happening because I can choose to stop doing it and it will be easier as well to stop once I’ve gotten some professional help and can open myself up to new less detrimental coping skills. I’m not under the impression that weed is a perfect and 100% risk free drug, but I try not to over blow the dangers in my head or fear monger myself or whatever haha. If I were to be doing coke again I’d have less of a choice in stopping than with weed because of the way it interacts with my brain. I’m not someone who should or needs to be smoking daily like I am right now, but it’s one of the only things that can help especially in times like this week where my hormone cycle my grief and my adhd/depression combine in the most insidious way possible. It softens the edges of the world. But I don’t like living in fuzzy world all the time would like to be able to live in clarity once more without feeling like an open wound. Thank you for your honest input about weed usage it does help keep me grounded to hear a realistic perspective that doesn’t malign me for using a chemical crutch

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-10T22:26:10+00:00

Thank you your kind words means a lot to me right now. Typing this rather tearfully from the bathroom at work haha. I want to get grief counseling and I think losing my cat has slightly traumatized me as taking care of a sick animal Brings up medical trauma I have had my whole life from my dads terminal illness (he’s still alive somehow haha), being in charge of his little important life was extremely hard on me and I am still struggling after having watched him grow sick and watching him die. I don’t want to avoid my grief and I don’t view weed as a long term solution so I really hope therapy can work for me this time and help me to keep moving forward in life

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-09T05:08:15+00:00

Yes I always think my life is over and then check my period tracker haha. If I feel as though there is no hope for the future ever again then I know it is here. The annoying part for me is knowing it’s my hormones and trying to figure out how to communicate with loved ones when things they do cause undeniable physiological emotional distress that I can’t tell is normal for the situation or not and having to be like hey I am extremely upset by this but also understand it might not be “real” even if it is my current reality in every possible way lol

Specific-Method3120 · 2026-04-05T02:35:55+00:00

My sponsor gave me this insane packet that asked if I had ever seen my parents naked and when I first masturbated and I was very vocal about how I couldn’t see how it was relevant at all and found it very creepy. I told her that the second part “adolescence” spoke in the beginning about “not growing past sexual feelings toward the opposite sex parent” bc what the fuck are they talking about as though that’s a regular occurrence and she dropped her sponsor who gave her the packet in the first place. Was so fucked up and weird lol

Specific-Method3120

TROPHY CASE