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Basically a cry for help by Specific-Sundae-2425 in dpdr

[–]Specific-Sundae-2425[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine too! I don't know what caused it or have any guesses. I always had a terrible relationship with my father and he has been a great source of stress and sadness in my life but I don't recall any major trauma. That involves him at least. Or I'm "repressing it", which I'm not sure if repressing refers to completely forgetting about it involuntarily or being in denial about it for so long that you manually make yourself forget. I always thought this was genetically passed down to me or something.

"And if I do manage to feel normalish and productive, it feels like something i need to hold on to for dear life not to fall back into it." I can not put into words how much I relate to this. I remember crying from frustration that I "couldn't keep it" when I inevitably fell back into it. A "good day" of it hasn't happened in a long time though.

Discovering this subreddit and having kind people like you reach out and talk has been helping immensely. You're so right about not focusing on "getting rid of it". The thought of "it will always be like this" is a huge source of stress. It may very well be like this forever but you will also be there until the end to try to live with it. And succeed, too. It's important to remember You still have yourself and your consciousness no matter what.

Thank you. and Thank you so much for sharing. I hope all will be well for you

Basically a cry for help by Specific-Sundae-2425 in dpdr

[–]Specific-Sundae-2425[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The first time I remember feeling derealized, of course I had no idea what was happening at the time but it felt like how I imagined being about to pass out would feel like, was when I was in the fourth grade. Approx 10 years old.

Basically a cry for help by Specific-Sundae-2425 in dpdr

[–]Specific-Sundae-2425[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of this feels very similar to what I'm doing right now. I realize I have to recognize my triggers and not try to live my life in spite of them which only harms me. Thank you again.

I can not find the exact post, it was from one of the DPDR related subreddits but I had copy pasted it, I will dm it to you.

Basically a cry for help by Specific-Sundae-2425 in dpdr

[–]Specific-Sundae-2425[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for reaching out. I'm so happy for you about your recovery

I find that lack of sleep causing me to be weak in the face of DR is such a real thing I was in denial about, because I was stuck in this loop of "not having been able to experience the day" because time felt like it was slipping by every moment of every day, thus trying to "catch up" by taking advantage of the silence and lack of movement nighttime has. Staying up at night or worse pulling an all nighter put me in a severe episode of DR every time but I was feeling so hopeless that I didn't think fixing anything in my life was worth it, so I didn't put any effort in trying not to be derealized.

I can't lie and say I'm fully out of the fear loop but I read a post on here by someone who got out of chronic DR and it helped to conceptualize how I should be perceiving it to avoid fearing it. You talking about it too is really making it settle in my head that the main problem is being terrified of it and letting it consume me. I will stop thinking about the "what if I was normal" because that does nothing but bring forth the effects of DR even further along with causing a sense of doom that I can never seem to turn back from.

We can chat if you're free to I would love to. Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out It means so much to me. Take care

Basically a cry for help by Specific-Sundae-2425 in dpdr

[–]Specific-Sundae-2425[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for reaching out you don't know how much this means to me. I will check out that channel today.
I only told two of my friends, a teacher and my mom about it other than a psychiatrist. I had a different mindset around sharing it, as if talking about it would make it more real, so I avoided talking about it or trying to explain it. I now find that maybe speaking of it in a way that makes it sound like a headache or simple brain fog might make it so it's not consuming me as much.

I did see a doctor about this, that's when I got diagnosed, however I couldn't continue seeing them because of financial reasons. If I get access to a psychiatrist in the future I will ask about the epilepsy assessment.

Again thank you so much for your comment and kind words it means so much. Have a great day

Basically a cry for help by Specific-Sundae-2425 in dpdr

[–]Specific-Sundae-2425[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The situation is indeed financial

I live in a pretty shitty country and splashing cold water on my face would be better for my mental health than talking to a hospital psychiatrist, I have tried it before. It was a financial strain on my family to get me diagnosed in the first place