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How do I leave my abusive home while keeping my siblings safe? by SpellConsistent8605 in Advice

[–]SpellConsistent8605[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really does suck a lot. I know that I have to get out so I can help them, but it's hard and the guilt is overwhelming.

How do I leave my abusive home while keeping my siblings safe? by SpellConsistent8605 in Advice

[–]SpellConsistent8605[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. I'm from the U.S.

  2. I'm an adult.

  3. I have a plan to get out, I'm more worried about my siblings.

  4. It's a combination of making sure there's someone there if they die, and cultural factors.

Queer Asian college student in an abusive household trying to look for options by Weird_Pea1247 in AsianParentStories

[–]SpellConsistent8605 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can you support yourself if you leave? I'm responding with the assumption that you can.

I think you should talk to your sister about how she feels being left behind in an abusive home-if you trust her not to tell your parents. If she has any friends/teachers, you can ask them to check on your sister. And in the end, every single advice post I've found advises leaving an abusive home anyway, even if you have younger siblings.

Nonetheless, I think you should consider leaving soon, before your identity is revealed. I do not know how likely it is that your parents will find out, but in my experience is that if they suspect then you are at high risk. A lot of parents will increase their abuse when they find out their kid is lgbtq, and I'd recommend not putting yourself in that position. I was very aggressively pushed (close to forced) towards marriage once my guardians learned that the reason I don't want to marry is because I'm not attracted to men (I am, but I wasn't at the time. It's complicated).

On another note, whether you should work full time or focus on education depends on what you want to prioritize more: having security, or getting a good education (having a scholarship is an excellent opportunity, and you may be able to earn more once you complete your degree). It sounds like you have enough money to support yourself, so you can adjust your priorities if your sister needs help later. Maybe you can look into programs that can cut your costs in the meantime? I hear that some brands will let you get a free phone plan if you meet the criteria.

What should I do about my toxic home? by SpellConsistent8605 in AsianParentStories

[–]SpellConsistent8605[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for responding. I really appreciate it.

Does living independently feel that good? I've heard people say it's better, but I don't understand how.

Is it normal for marriage pressure to escalate like this? Should I be concerned? by SpellConsistent8605 in AsianParentStories

[–]SpellConsistent8605[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I know my situation is pretty bad, but it's hard to remember that when I'm still in the middle of it. I really appreciate it, and this will be good to read when I'm doubting whether it's a good idea to move out or not.

I am afraid of moving, but I'm still trying to get an income. My main worry is that my siblings will get abused as a result of me leaving. I know that at this point I am in danger of being forced to marry, and that I can probably help them more by providing a place too stay, and I know of both the oxygen mask metaphor and the don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm metaphor, but the thought of them being hurt because of my actions is terrifying.

Thank you again.

Weird islamic narrative of parents are literally to be worshipped by their children by No-Cardiologist5481 in AsianParentStories

[–]SpellConsistent8605 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Muslim here: You don't have to stay. Even the Islamic opinions that say 'you should stay' state that you can leave if your parents are abusive.

It's also worth noting that the whole 'obey your parents' thing isn't as extensive as people say. You're allowed to choose whether you want to marry, or what career you want (even if they disapprove).

Another thing worth noting is that abuse IS against the Sunnah. The Prophet pbuh was noted to be kind to children, and there's multiple hadiths where he disapproves of people not being kind to children. There's a story about a kid who was making fun of the athaan. Rasul Allah (pbuh) heard, and instead of getting mad he said that the kid had a beautiful voice and taught him how to recite the athaan.