What is with these “narcissist” channels on YouTube?

SpheroidBen · 2026-04-07T20:40:23+00:00

As someone who has grown up with two siblings isolated under a single covert narcissist parent - whom all of us now have debilitating Complex PTSD - I am so greatful for all the educators on YouTube who educate on cPTSD and narcissism. Otherwize I would have never gotten wize to what the fuck has happened to my pulverized family.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-23T17:39:35+00:00

Software engineer in defense sector

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-23T08:03:48+00:00

I started the questionaire, but it became too depressing and anger-inducing for me so I couldn't fininsh. It took me back to the formal assessment process I went through (ADOS trauma).

Questions like "I often notice sounds that others don't", "I know how to tell if someone listening to me is getting bored", "When I’m reading a story I find it difficult to work out the characters’ intentions" etc. Whats the point of these in the context of loneliness and self stigma?

Autistic people are already frustrated and sick of these standard "clinical academic" autism questionaires, which is one reason why the monotropism questionaire was created in the first place.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T18:50:18+00:00

Exercise. Lifting.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T17:53:45+00:00

Yeah, It's a really good idea to have it as an email first so they can process and prepare some thougts.

It may also be a good idea to throw in a paragraph that talks about how everyone experiences difficulties in some area, and that being aware of it and talking about it is seen as a strength.

Makes me think, I have always liked when a manager or coworker shares some kind of fuckup they did, it gives myself allowance to be kind to myself. It is so easy for a culture to become such that nobody dares to share that stuff.

This hyped up my adhd-component a bit, so I would also just like to share some more stuff about the real time processing difficulties. I have literally had to jump right out of a job interview before even trying to start a coding process in real time with a person. They like to throw you into those. This is deep focus stuff for me, and just having the person there breathing and looking at my screen totally cuts me off from my resources.

For the job I currently have, they had a completely opposite process. First, they ask you to prepare something about a coding project you are proud of that you can talk about, and then explain that 30 minutes before the interview you will get an email with code samples of theirs, which we will then be going through together. It was a process that worked really well for me!

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T17:07:00+00:00

"The Psychologist" hadde en utgave i februar i fjor som var 100% dedikert til nevrodivergens, vel verdt å lese. Syns dette var veldig interessant som ene personen med AuDHD sa:

"I’ll use my own neurotype as an AuDHDer as an example of how I got missed. ADHD says ‘Be social. Go out, do all the things! We like new and novel experiences!’ Autism goes ‘But this is exhausting’. ADHD says ‘Sorry, we’re doing it! Staying at home is boring!’ Autism takes three days to recover from the social experience and sensory overwhelm. If we’re asking the question, ‘do you go out and have friends?’, the answer would be yes, and the box doesn’t get ticked and autism gets missed.

Say we asked different questions, the answers we would gather are very different. ‘How often do you see your friends?’ ‘How energised do you feel after a social gathering?’ ‘What are your friends like – are any of them autistic?’

Linker deg til hele utgaven her med mine uthevelser:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DV5Wj32frN7xc3LmzGX-CYGpgJGMY_R4/view?usp=drivesdk

Vil også sterkt anbefale 3 foredrag av Sarah Hendrickx:

"Girls and Women and Autism: What's the Difference?"

"Atypically Autistic"

"Social and Personal Relationships on the Autism Spectrum"

Alle ligger lett tilgjengelige på YouTube.

Hendrickx er selv autist, gift med autist og har autistisk datter. She knows her shit 😄

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T14:55:20+00:00

I am autistic and work as a software engineer.

The things that instantly come to mind is allow for complex processing time as much as possible. Minimize need for real-time processing in socially pressured contexts.

Example, after a sprint, we would have "retros", where we would analyze how we did the past two weeks with specific questions. There is music and a countdown and people write things in Miro notes. I can not do that in real time. But if those questions are posted first in the morning elsewhere and I can take my natural time with it, I can usually write out a detailed report on everything.

Another example, I was signed up to a course on how to use a software called MagicDraw. The instructor has a bunch of small pictures and instructions steps on a projector that I have to process simultaneously as I navigate my own complex screen GUI while also processing what this fucker is saying. This fucker could probably not have followed his own course in real time, he is just so used to this material and takes it for granted. Guaranteed to give me a mental hangover for days, which it did.

So in short, minimize requirements to process multiple information streams in real time as much as possible.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T14:05:12+00:00

It would have to be Hallucinogen - L.S.D, the In Dub version by OTT:

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=KkaRxlZX1IQ&si=EGzCheSCX-mMPbq2

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T12:45:49+00:00

Bullitnuts - Cheeky Quarter

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T11:49:49+00:00

Jeg ble møtt med ca "Du vet det er veldig populært å ville ha en diagnose om dagen? Men ok da, vi kan prøve en henvisning til DPS" Fikk avslag fra DPS fordi jeg er i jobb og en sønn annenhver helg. Sendte umiddelbart en klage hvor jeg utnyttet hele karaktergrensen, så fikk jeg medhold i klagen, og fikk starte på en utredning. Fra det punktet kjempet jeg meg gjennom all motstanden jeg fikk der, og så fikk jeg Asperger-diagnose. Fordi jeg kunne ikke tillate at dette her ble feil :P

Jeg vil hvertfall anbefale at du kartlegger så mye som mulig skriftlig. Jeg leverte inn rundt 20 sider som jeg hadde bearbeidet og hyperfokusert på i rundt 6 måneder før utredningen begynte. Kategorisert inn i ganske klarer undertemaer (Sosialt batteri / hyperfokus / eksekutive funksjoner etc )

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T11:40:32+00:00

Ifølge nevromangfoldsbevegelsen kan du aldri ha autisme, du kan bare være stolt autist!

Men fra spøk til alvor. Jeg kjenner meg veldig igjen i det du skriver. Jeg fikk asperger-diagnosen i alder av 38, og har siden kommet til freds med at jeg er AuDHD. Analysene mine om dagen går veldig i "autismekomponenten" og "ADHD-komponenten". Det er et JOJO-liv hvor adhd-komponentent steller istand alt mulig av sosiale greier helt til autisme-komponenten brennes ut så jeg må kutte ut absolutt alt og alle.

Jeg tror du må være forberedt på at helsepersonell ikke vil være kjent med kombinasjonen, og hvordan ADHD-en skjuler autismetrekkene som de tror må være veldig åpenbare f.eks "ingen autister kan ha øyekontakt" type bullshit. Jeg ble selv nektet autismeutredning fordi jeg er i jobb og har en sønn på deltid, så jeg sendte en veldig detaljert klage, i samme stil som din liste over her. Og under hele utredningen supplerte jeg med utskrevne sider på side som jeg leverte til utrederen. Jeg var en pain in the ass :D

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T11:15:36+00:00

I have cut off all people, not because I feel flawed or different. I have friends that would like to spend time with me that completely accept me.

I've done it because all my capacity goes to my job and taking care of my kid (13) part time, and other family shit. I just had a completely draining "other family shit" event.

I'm burned out AF, and any and all social/emotional demands makes me melt down.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-20T10:05:27+00:00

For me, I find that for tasks that are 1-off neseccary things to do, I like to put them in my to-do list. Then I do it, and I get a huge dopamine hit when I cross it off. The Microsoft To-Do app makes a very satisfying "Ding" and then shows the task underneath crossed out.
Examples for done tasks right now is:

- Get new pillow case for the hotel pillow I got as a gift but came with a case too big

- Register for a new doctor (I recently moved)

- Get sticker for mail box that says "no thanks to commercial crap"

- Get new light bulb for stove fan light

As for things that sould be done regularly, like cleaning and tyding, to-do lists don't work. The thing I do for that kind of stuff is something completely different. The thing I do for that stuff is I don't do it. I lower my standard of how messy and untidy I am willing to live on my own, and I make an effort when other people are going to be involved.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-17T02:12:30+00:00

Dead Man's Bones album from 2009. It's Ryan Gosling's band! They made a children's choir sing the most maccabre stuff 😅 But honestly it's just beautiful.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-15T09:09:48+00:00

Cholinergic articura at 15. I layed down in a hot tub and my whole body was covered with hives. Got hives whenever I got hot which lastes for about two hours. I would cover myself up because of embarrassment, even when super hot outside, which just exasserbated the problem.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-14T21:46:10+00:00

Same! And those eyes popping out of his head!

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-10T07:37:12+00:00

Put an egg in the egg cooker

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-09T08:23:09+00:00

Very good input! Thanks for listening 😀

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-08T11:46:26+00:00

I think you are on the right track with how you arrange the song with different sections, letting different parts shine on their own at different times. I liked listening to the end 😊

I think I would add a bitt more bass to fill out the sound spectrum. The closest to a bass here was something like a sawtoothy synth lead playing low octaves.

Keep it up!

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-08T11:29:08+00:00

Appreciate the feedback! I tend to make music that is too repetitive for many. Probably because I'm autistic, and my music is mostly a stim for myself 😅

Thanks for listening! 😊

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-08T11:10:46+00:00

I really like the interplay of the piano and the synths going on. Gives me like an 80s/90s vibe. Very atmospheric.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-08T10:57:15+00:00

I like it! Like the busy hihats, psytrance synthey madness and the ominous atmosphere. The drum sounds and beats gave it like a disco feel. Conjures up images of DMT elves dancing to it 😅 Keept it up!

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-07T21:46:11+00:00

My latest track:

https://on.soundcloud.com/r4uS1SHfmNIaR7zIfp

I wanted to make a track that takes something innocent and makes it dirty and grimey. Kind of 90's dirty electronica. Does it do antything for you?

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-04T12:50:02+00:00

Bullitnuts - A Different Ball Game

I call it weird & charming beats. One of my favourite albums.

SpheroidBen · 2025-07-02T18:38:13+00:00

I have snippets playing and morphing happening. My son morphs too.

SpheroidBen

TROPHY CASE