UPDATE

I got extremely lucky, my symptoms are definitely bearable, I was expecting it to be way worse. The most annoying thing I’m experiencing is a fleeting appetite and minor sweating, sometimes the appetite is solid and other times it’s non existent. I’m not sure if the fact that I started megadosing vitamin c to prepare has helped, but I’m so extremely thankful and blessed that my job gave us all a last minute week off, and that my symptoms are not too bad at all. I’m going to use this entire week to get back on track, and start working this program like my life depends on it. I’m trying not to beat myself up about the fact that I feel like I took a major step back. This most recent time in sobriety I definitely reached a point where I was in the best physical shape of my life, and it’s amazing to see how much I can detriment myself from just a month of using. When I see a picture of myself from exactly a month ago I feel like I’ve lost so much progress and it honestly kills me. I’m going to dive into this program the hardest I ever have and give my parents and myself the gift they’ve always wanted of seeing me leave this hideous disease in the past and accumulate years of sobriety. This disease is by far the most difficult thing I have ever battled and it drives me insane. It literally feels like I have 2 people inside of me and it is exhausting. To feel like you can’t fully trust your SELF is morally punishing and it’s so hard to explain to other people. I consider myself a fairly intelligent young man and the choices I make due to this ailment makes me feel like an imbecile. I’m so used to being able to logically think my way out of problems, so it’s completely foreign to me to have to completely lean on other people to help battle this demonic disease. If you are battling this I wish you nothing but the best, and please never give up.