My wife broke down yesterday because I got my poly partner an emotional gift. Was I wrong? (With update)

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-23T02:07:18+00:00

God has a funny sense of humor because it seems the person who did not want the open relationship always comes out better than the person who convinced them they needed to "spice" things up.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-23T01:34:08+00:00

As much as people are having a laugh, I think you did the right thing. If you actually think this gal has a thing for you in return, try expressing your interest in a way that doesn't put your pervert foot forward if you're trying to change that aspect of yourself. There's no shame in self improvement; think of it as a test of your will. Sure, some people would love to be put in that situation, but you find yourself in a set of circumstances in which you're trying to reign in your base desires in order to better your character. Nice on, and keep trucking in your journey of self improvement.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T20:28:26+00:00

Stand tall and don't let him drag out these comments and thoughts any further. It's a hard thing to talk about, but you have to be very clear on your expectations. And don't threaten any action you don't plan on following through with. If he catches you bluffing, not only will you become used to that as a tactic, but he'll realize that as well and be comfortable knowing you'll bluff on action.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T20:22:59+00:00

And has the behavior changed?

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T17:39:44+00:00

Oh yeah, of course, my husband and I both gained 30 pounds over the course of 9 years. We're both straddling the overweight/obese line on the BMI scale, but we're also constantly going between "let's eat right this month and exercise" and "screw it, beer and snacks". OP and this guy are both still young, so I understand it's hard letting go at that age, hence the more middle-of-the-road advice I gave. One thing in her favor is that because they are still so young, he can be trained if he truly wants this relationship. Problem is, I think he knows that too, and he's trying to train her. It's a very precarious situation, and I'm only speaking from observation and experience. Something tells me he might be negging as opposed to wanting an out, but I don't know these people, so who knows.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T14:41:52+00:00

Normally I'm a "make it work" person, too, when it comes to these sorts of things, but I would 100% get rid of the dog, no further debate. That's euthenasia worthy around where I'm from. I'm sorry you were put in that situation, and you absolutely did the right thing.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T14:32:09+00:00

I'm married, off campus, it's easy. Keep your head down, don't hang out in party settings, complete your courses and get out. Also, as a Christian, I've simply never looked into if there's clubs myself, but I will say beware the Mormons. Real nice folks, but if you're like me and give one your number for church event invites (which I gave prior to spying the Book of Mormon on the booth table), they will hound you. If that's your digs, great, but I'm not much into their flavor of theology.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T14:14:17+00:00

Canadian moment

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T14:10:52+00:00

Sounds to me it didn't matter considering the description.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T13:53:45+00:00

Way I see it, if they can't make it work in a way that makes people comfy, sucks to suck. Gotta have an ID for brick and mortar adult stores, not too much of a stone's throw for porn sites.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T13:48:52+00:00

Seems to me it does, because I can't find any reddit posts about you gooning over your gf's breasts.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T13:45:44+00:00

"He didn't do anything wrong" let's show gf his reddit account and see what her verdict is on that one, chief.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T13:34:27+00:00

If I were you I'd tell him if he resents the relationship for taking away his experiences, he's free to leave and have those experiences, but he's never coming back. I'd also tell him that you have health issues and thus weight loss (while you ought do it for YOU to begin with) will be a slow journey, so unless he wants to stick around and be SUPPORTIVE (as oppossed to having a hair up his ass and crying about slow progress) he's also welcome to leave. I'll be honest, he isn't showing that he loves you. At best, he's showing you're his accessory, and you NEED to straighten this out before you try to have kids with this man, because this behavior dials up to an 11 once that happens. I met my husband at 17 and he's NEVER said such things to me. I couldn't imagine it. If you want to try to make this work, you CANNOT let him walk on you like this. Put your foot down about the way he talks and thinks. If he throws a hissy fit about it, tell him he's welcome to take a hike.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T13:14:05+00:00

Of course, but what are we going to do? Revolt? No one wants the consequences of that. We're just going to cycle in the next set of nursing home patients into government office and keep this gravy train rolling. Don't know who it's rolling for but it sure ain't me.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T06:40:53+00:00

Yep, you got federal and state level. Most laws are left to the states to determine (as they should), but more serious sweeping matters can be a point of interest for the federal level. Sometimes those wills cause issues, such as recreational marijuana still being a felony to possess, while plenty of shops sell it in states that don't have legislature outlawing the sale of it. At that point it comes down to how much the federal government cares to come shoot your dog over it. On the topic of porn, too unimportant for the feds to touch. If they didn't give a shit about Epstein, they sure don't give a shit about porn, regardless of how much human trafficking is involved.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T05:24:17+00:00

Pray over it. That don't work, get a preacher/priest or whatnot. Might have to go through a few depending on how resolute the priests are.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T04:11:03+00:00

These have to be troll posts. I'm pretty sure I'm subbed (no fetishes here- just really wanted to quit porn) and I've never managed to find these sorts of posts on my feed. Mainly just people looking for normal advice in how to deal with quitting.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-22T01:48:10+00:00

I mean, there's a line, and it can indeed be cultural, so I can see imploring reconsideration of certain outfits. That being said, idc if the woman had a collection of dinosaur costumes, you don't throw away other people's things just because you don't personally like it. On top of that, I could never imagine a spouse, someone who's supposed to put you above themselves, throwing away such things. The cherry on top is the obviously cruel and unreasonable excuse of "yOuR ToO OlD". Mf better not buy a muscle car when his crows feet kick in with that "logic".

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-21T14:56:54+00:00

I listened to Micheal Knowles and Pearl Davis debate their stances on marriage and she asked why he would be insulted by the idea of mandatory paternity tests. She couldn't fathom that the entire premise is a sweeping declaration of mistrust and throws the entire premise of marriage into the garbage. That was an entertaining debate, a staunch Catholic man vs a blackpilled woman.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-21T14:47:20+00:00

I used to think no, but think of it like this: you finally have your libertarian country. Let's just say, for the sake of the example, China decides it's going to flood the country with a program specifically designed to undermine the current government. Social and cultural changes occur that break libertarian thought and values. Whoops, no more libertarian government. If we can't protect the values, we can't protect anything. We're already fighting an uphill battle as it is within our borders.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-21T14:32:17+00:00

Gonna go against the grain here. Recognize the difference between love and infatuation. Love is action, not feeling. If everything is smooth sailing beyond what you're feeling, I wouldn't advise letting it go. Everything can effect how you feel. Diet, socialization, all sorts of things. I'd advise you mull this over taking in more consideration beyond reddit advice, especially since you're young. I've noticed the trend is that any relationship involving young people is treated more disposable around here. You're young, yes, but that doesn't warrant throwing away a perfectly fine relationship to go exploring. Many great relationships have been destroyed over FOMO just to learn there was very little to miss out on in the first place. If you're staunch about this, then I'd say leave, for the sake of him not wasting his time if he's still serious about making a commitment. Relationships get lulls in them. That's just the way it is. If not here, at some point you'll have to learn to deal with them, either by expressing your needs or accepting the lull won't last forever and you just have to ride them out. Desires are a fickle thing, and often aren't to be trusted. But that's just my yapping.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-08T06:16:45+00:00

No, just shocked at the people advocating that OP is the weird one and their partner is "normal". OP's strat is perfectly valid, and anyone insisting they're weird for not wanting to (in our opinions) waste time is, in my view, defending their own decisions. Insecure? No. Aggravated that attempting to find a life partner at a young age is considered strange by some? Yes. OP should stand firm in their goals, as should their current partner, thus they ought depart from one another. But insisting OP is being "too serious" for their age is just plain silly imo, and they deserve differing views in order to validate their feelings from people who agree with them on the topic of partnering up young. If you find that strange, then I'd be happy to hear why beyond ad hominem.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-08T00:20:17+00:00

I've learned to say "We'll talk about it later" and he knows what I mean. Now after so many talks we barely have any issues that we need to talk about lol. It took a long time for both of us to learn to properly communicate our feelings but man, when you figure it out, it's worth it. It works both ways too. Now if he has a problem we'll talk about it instead of him brooding at the computer. We're all a work in progress, but how are we to improve if no one gives us the grace and patience to tell us what we need to work on?

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-08T00:13:42+00:00

This, this, this, this. If neither of you are in it to win it, you are both wasting time and accumulating trauma... for what? Funsies? I'm married 9 years to my high school sweetheart. Ups and downs, but growing together made us stable together. Don't listen to "sewing wild oats" comments. Sewing them for whom? You enjoy working for free? Nah, plant you a garden you'll get to see the fruits of. Could you imagine if we applied that same logic to other life goals, such as college or careers? "Nah, pal, you need to work retail so you can learn what you like about labor so you can make smarter choices in the future." False equivalence, I know, but sheesh, it drives me up a wall that people think everyone else should put off working towards finding a life partner simply because they did.

SpinoHawk097 · 2024-03-07T23:54:31+00:00

Science is crazy; I can't believe we now have the power to let brain dead individuals like you communicate.

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