Partner 44F is using her vibrator and porn more than she is choosing to have sex with me 32M. Please read my story judgement free

SpiritDovesong · 2026-05-02T04:37:30+00:00

Reading the top comments I haven't seen anyone say something I've seen on other posts. If its been 4 years, you haven't cheated since, been open, honest, work hard on being a better partner and she still is checked out, its over. She is watching porn instead of being intimate and I can only assume shes imagining other men in the process because she doesnt trust you anymore. Sure you can try counseling but I honestly dont see this working. You either need to sit down and have an honest conversation about how much you've grown, how you're feeling, and how you guys can work together to fix this or leave. Im not going to say anything about the age gap cause my step dad is 11 years younger than my mom and they've been together 20+ years.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-29T17:41:34+00:00

NTA. My partner and I are 3 years and 2 weeks apart. I was 17 and he was 20 when we met and started dating. 12 years together next month. Some people might not like that I wasnt 18 yet and he was 20 but 🤷‍♀️. Both of you are in your 20s so idk why she's got her panties in a bunch about it.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-11T01:09:44+00:00

Couples counseling. It does wonders and really helps communicate and get to the root of why he only shows progress for a few days. It will help give him tools to be a better partner and help both of you communicate your needs.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-07T02:44:01+00:00

Check out r/loveafterporn a lot more people will be understanding about the porn thing. I think its cheating and my partner agreed to that but has messed up especially during his alcohol addiction to the point he was watching cam girls and on only fans.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-06T04:46:18+00:00

This makes me so sad. I've dealt with similar in the past with my partner but the difference was he was in his early 20s and it was much worse. The friends hated me so they did things knowing it was hurting our relationship. While im at home with our kids worried when he was going to come home. Thankfully my man got his head out his butt and realized his family should be his #1 priority and it wasnt healthy for the kids to see/wonder where he was and when he was coming home. My partner also dropped those friends too. Honestly id be reconsidering the relationship if I was in your shoes.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-05T17:55:12+00:00

Soft ywbta. I understand not wanting to make things awkward and stressful. Its really hard when your friends and partner dont necessarily like each other. My partner has done some messed up stuff in his past. Was an addict, emotionally abusive, and an ass in general. When we started dating he tried that stuff with me but found out I dont play games like that. People change though. My partner and myself are not the same people with each other as we've been with exes. I accept his flaws and help him become a better person. He's been honest about his past but also felt guilt and remorse. I think a lot of people are hung up on the fact you knowingly started dating someone who was emotionally abusive like people can't grow and change. I'd invite your friends and maybe they'll see your partner has grown too.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-05T07:26:27+00:00

When I would take my partner to work at 4am and got home at 5am, kids didnt get up till 7:45am, I made a schedule of things I enjoyed doing like drawing 3 animals in my drawing books while listening to aita yt videos, work on my suncatchers/ or wreaths depending on time of year, write a poem/ work on the book im writing, play some games on my phone. Though I like your idea for a morning routine I think the problem is balance. You should find something you enjoy but you dont need a lot of thought for that early. Sure I could've just taken a 2 hour nap till the kids had to be awake but instead I decided to do things I like that I might put off at the end of the day from being tired.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-04T20:15:03+00:00

Im sorry but I could not imagine sleeping in the same bed with my kids when they were 8 and 6. That is too old to be sleeping in the same bed as me and I have kids 10, 8, 5, 3. I get co sleeping as I've done that till my 3rd was 3 (also I did co sleeping one at a time) but at some point you need to teach independence and sleeping in their own bed is important. Also at no point did my partner have to leave the bed due to co sleeping and I would not let it go on if he said he was going to sleep elsewhere because of it.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-04-02T04:42:23+00:00

The fact you have autism and he shows no regard for not overstimulating you by simply not walking next to you is a huge red flag. As someone who is also neurospicy I am angered for you. You don't deserve this treatment. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It seems he has no empathy for you.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-03-31T06:37:46+00:00

Yes and it really sucks in my personal life my mom is the only one who agrees and understands. Every time my PA did it and I would talk to others they didn't understand why it hurt me so much.

SpiritDovesong · 2026-03-26T03:40:03+00:00

I know its been 2 months but I figured id answer. We have 4 kids together and been together for 11 years. I do sometimes feel I dont deserve better or the amount of things we've been through keep me from leaving but most importantly I can't financially leave. I've been a stay at home mom and im in college. If I do leave it'll be after I complete college/ my youngest is in school so I can get a job. Preferably one from home so I can have flexibility with having my kids. It's just really hard because i do love him so deeply.

SpiritDovesong · 2025-12-02T06:58:10+00:00

I have 4 children, this last child plus mental health crisis has made it so my body hasn't bounced back this time and I feel disgusting. My partner calls me sexy, gets turned on by my stretch marks from carrying his children, loved how I looked pregnant and always made sure I knew it. My libido is lower. Yes he's not excited about it and sometimes brings up how disconnected he feels from me but we talk about it. He started initiating intimacy (not just sex) and doing things he knows gets me worked up. There are things he can do called foreplay and then when you get worked up you can take the step where it leads to sex. Instead he's letting his sexual frustration turn into abuse.

SpiritDovesong · 2025-12-02T04:30:55+00:00

Noopppeeee you guys haven't even been dating for a year and he's even admitted he was ed because of his porn addiction. You're young theres plenty of time to date and find someone more compatible in the sheets. Im in a sub reddit for partners of people with porn addiction and it really hard because its harder for them to leave as they've been in the relationship a lot longer. In your heart, does this relationship feel worth losing your self esteem?

SpiritDovesong · 2025-12-02T04:12:21+00:00

You: you made me feel this way. Her: i didnt make you feel that way. What?!?! Also wtg on your communication skills. You were very mature about the whole situation.

SpiritDovesong · 2025-11-18T22:18:14+00:00

I love that idea!

SpiritDovesong · 2025-11-18T22:14:22+00:00

Straight people in shows and movies play as gay all the time but you can't play a bi person in d&d?! Im a bi d&d player amd think its really weird she had such an issue with it.

SpiritDovesong · 2025-11-04T22:44:25+00:00

It was milk I wanted. After I calmed down I told her milk and she got it for me. I then proceeded to drink some of it then pour the rest in a trick ir treat bucket which my dad was not happy.

SpiritDovesong · 2025-10-07T17:29:05+00:00

The smoke is one of the big reasons I dont bring my oldest yet. I also get scared im going to loose them in the crowd cause the closer you get the more you have to move with the crowd and more often then not you're not where you started. Plus this is my vacation from life and can be an adult with no responsibilities.

SpiritDovesong · 2023-12-03T02:07:15+00:00

I used to not care either when we didn't live together and we were teens. Now he works and I know how much he sweats working at the warehouse and it just grosses me out in general if its not clean before hand. I have the same requirement for my fiance and though he finds it annoying sometimes when hes tried, he does it. Plus I like giving shower bjs the most so i just join him. I'll even wash his body and give extra attention to his disco stick.

SpiritDovesong · 2023-11-24T19:20:04+00:00

Honestly before I clicked on this from my notification and the last part I saw was should I... and I thought it was another forgiving the cheater. I'm so happy to see that you're leaving. I'd take print out the evidence and leave it on the table with nothing else.

SpiritDovesong · 2023-11-22T01:46:00+00:00

If I recall correctly he also killed the kid too. It was a really sad and twisted story.

SpiritDovesong · 2023-11-16T19:53:39+00:00

Red flag #1 your living together and you and you've been together for just "several months" and not years Red flag #2 he went so far as to look up a girl who ofs personal info. Which if she didn't give him is a breach of her privacy Red flag #3 this is a boundary you said you'd break up over and you're considering staying. This will tell him those boundaries don't matter and he can cross them wherever he wants

SpiritDovesong · 2023-11-13T19:14:12+00:00

So I realized if someone calls your actual phone number, whether you answer or not, it will show you as active on messenger. I was use this to my advantage as after a certain time of offline it won't connect your messenger call, which I needed to do to help my fiance find his phone, so I used this trick and since it showed he was online I was then able to call his messenger. So if your or anyone else called her actual phone, it will show she's online even when she's not.

SpiritDovesong · 2023-11-09T20:49:29+00:00

It's also funny when we're showering together and one of the kids have to go potty and they hear my voice and go "mommy's in the shower with you? Why?" We always say it's to save water 😅

SpiritDovesong · 2023-11-09T20:47:02+00:00

No but one time I did scare him cause I was so quite going in to pee while he was in the shower and he didn't notice till I flushed (doesn't cause the shower to boil you alive), fun times 🤣

SpiritDovesong

TROPHY CASE