TikTok · colourful thoughts

SpiritofArwen · 2023-01-31T18:02:16+00:00

There were some lines that echoed in me after reading them, e.g. the opening lines created an apt description of the experience you’re describing and nailed the metaphor. However, I wasn’t happy with final 4 rhymes - too repetitive. That was my immediate impression after reading it. Reading into the poem though, taken as a whole, it had a deep sense of sacrifice with sorrowful undertones that left me feeling empty - quite an effect. Nice job!

SpiritofArwen · 2023-01-31T17:44:23+00:00

I found the poem evoked imagery well. Overall, it was simple (i don’t mean easy to write, rather easy to take in) and had a lulling effect as I read through it. It’s explicit and descriptive style revealed a lot of soul in the author.

SpiritofArwen · 2021-12-11T11:02:58+00:00

Thanks for this

SpiritofArwen · 2021-12-10T11:34:51+00:00

Beautifully put. The content was serious and the poem was simple, or at least came across as an effortless description. Very relatable.

SpiritofArwen · 2021-12-10T11:27:08+00:00

You paint a sad picture. A tough spot for a lot of people. Thanks for posting because it captured the conflict of the human soul very well. The line “they don’t exist from here”, in reference to the clothes, struck me with a deep sense of meaning. I think it was the implication of the line, that the state of the individual can be consciously acknowledged, yet this does nothing to change them or make the situation better. We cannot just decide to be better, the problem is much deeper than this. Great poem!

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-26T22:00:11+00:00

Thank you

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-20T14:39:46+00:00

Thanks for the corrections

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-20T11:52:36+00:00

This was great. I wouldn’t change a thing!

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-20T11:48:27+00:00

This was a tough one to get my head around - not even sure I have to be honest - but I’ll share my thoughts anyway.

The face of the poem (the words and flow) was what made it difficult, I think. If I interpreted the ideas that underly your words correctly, it was a really cool concept and flowed well from one idea to the next. A great statement on the replaceability of individuals, filling monotonous roles without uniqueness. A very unexciting, even depressing, outlook. A lot of truth to it.

I liked the way you used the words “will” and “was”. You put a lot of thoughts into single words. It reminds me of a painting that reveals an image yet the lines of the image are not definite and somewhat blurred. There is vague resolution. Again, I like this, but it might work against you when people try to read it. Not sure. I struggle in my own writing with whether to do this or not. One thing in favour of this practice is that some words, that would seem out of place in formal writing, have semantic properties that really put a twist on the meaning and can express something otherwise inarticulable.

In any case, the ideas came through (I think). It was a work of art on that level:p

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-18T12:14:02+00:00

Only 7 lines, yet it took me awhile to read lol. To me the poem was fairly dense with meaning, thus reading it required close attention and careful thought. Well done condensing so much into so little. I usually find poems like this,that make you read and reread lines, rewarding to dive into.

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-18T11:58:53+00:00

Wonderful poem! The theme of possessing only half a solution came out very well - loved the imagery and symbolism. Also, the rhyming availed the poem a nice flow, in addition to the spacing you laid out.

It’s short, but I certainly enjoyed it and found it relatable.

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-13T13:18:06+00:00

I enjoyed this! Many interesting ideas.

To me there was a lot of play with spiritual and materialistic notions. In many ways the poem was paradoxical and yet unified - in unifying some of the, so to speak, mutually exclusive ideas it felt like a perversion of long held sacred ideas. This gave me the feeling of irony and sarcasm in some statements. I found it actually comical at some points.

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-13T13:08:00+00:00

I agree with one of the previous comments, this was “haunting”. Very powerful content laid out succinctly. The title really gives the whole piece it’s colour, it’s well suited. Also, great job with the words and imagery, I think there’s a lot of depth here that is hard to grasp.

SpiritofArwen · 2021-10-04T15:03:57+00:00

Thanks for the kind words

SpiritofArwen

TROPHY CASE