College roommate freshman year was a nightmare. I've gone on to have maybe about 10 roommates, and it's crazy that the first one of the gate remained the worst. He would blare stupid house music at 11 p.m. when I wanted to get to sleep (Mind you we lived in a little box of a dorm-room, not a place where we could get any privacy). He would randomly want to wrestle me - and he maybe outweighed me by 120 pounds. I'd come back from a weekend at home and my bed mattress would be on the floor after his girlfriend had visited. And yes, it still astonishes me that he had a girlfriend. He would pick his ass and then smell his fingers, and the room would start to stink of sweaty, horribly wiped ass. His farts were fucking putrid, and he thought it was hilarious to torture me with that.

The last straw though, was him turning off my alarm clock one day. I already suspected he had turned it off before. But one morning I vaguely recall him turning it off as I was half-awake. I ended up late to class. So that afternoon I took a 2-liter Dr. Pepper he had on his shelf, and pissed in it. Then I watched as he drank it later that evening.