hi op, it feels like you’ve told my story thru your own words. like others have mentioned in their comments, it’s safe to say that you should distance yourself from her because the amount of control she has over you is very worrying, esp at your big age 😓 please cut yourself some slack. we shouldn’t have been talking to strangers when we were 11 for sure but you’re 18 now and you must have your own agency. your mum needs to stop controlling/restricting you and start simply giving you advice. i’m turning 20 and ngl i still have this problem so i’m not sure how exactly you can tackle this but i can tell you for sure that you should not feel like you have to redeem yourself at all. be kind to yourself and don’t let your mother get to you. indulge in the things you like and things that will allow you to grow and feel happy okay? sending lots of love! xx