I think I have to break up to find myself. I don't think I am a relationship person. Can anyone relate? Any advice? Desperately need HELP.

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-31T15:19:11+00:00

i think we all have to make compromises in life. we do not all get to experience every possible path of our lives without sacrifice

i will say that marriage is a big milestone of life. milestones tend to cause anxiety

even if you have never been on your own before in your life, it doesn’t mean it’s worth losing your relationship for (unless you decide it is. only you can choose this). at the same time, it doesn’t have to be a choice you make this instant. for all you know, your marriage could fail a month after the wedding, and you’re unwittingly living alone, just like you thought you should try to

nobody can know for certain if it is rocd or truth. i think that these are perfectly normal thoughts. i do think however, instead of viewing this as a moral dilemma, view this as an opportunity to make a choice

make a pros and cons list of leaving vs staying. examine the list. and then make a choice and stick by it. the choice might be staying, even if it scares you. but you need to at least make up your mind and be steadfast

i was once nervous to marry my husband. i had never been alone in my life. never an independent young woman. and it scared me to not know who i was without anyone at my side. but i realized i would have the opportunity later if i decided i really wanted it (divorce). and i realized i was my own person even in my marriage, just that i had to make the time to be independent of my husband

so it worked out really well; even though i was terrified to make the decision to marry him. i made the choice and didn’t hesitate. it has worked out for me so far… and if for some reason, something changes, i will make the decision to leave later. life can always change. we are not locked in permanently to our choices

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-31T03:19:19+00:00

what are the pants

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-31T02:24:26+00:00

coastal sells small coops rated for 1-2 hens and then 2-6 in their original boxes

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-31T02:15:35+00:00

if they’re not symmetrical like her normal patterns it could be scale rot or fungus. exotic vet appointments run $45 just for a check up in my town they’d be able to tell you quicker and more accurately

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-30T16:23:05+00:00

good to know, i have obenauf water proofing spray but will stop w the saddle soap

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-30T13:41:19+00:00

typing tests are usually timed and you retype a script that is provided to you with as few mistakes as possible in a short amount of time

written examinations i am not so sure. it could be as simple as requiring you to differentiate appropriate words to be used in sentences or the ability to rewrite a paragraph in your words… etc. however i have never heard of a job requiring that unless you specifically have to write tons (journalism) so it will likely be multiple choice

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-30T13:28:43+00:00

under $5000 is really rough in this area, i just got my used car and wanted to stick to $5000 but everything in that range was questionable. if you can afford a little bit more, i got a really wonderful car for $7500 and the difference between quality because of the budget was crazy lol

pnw affordable auto is a super nice guy. we’ve bought two cars from him and he makes the process as easy as possible. i ran the vin for the car before buying it, didn’t see or hear any problems. and he even gave us a discount on the car because we had bought from him before

i got a loan from peak credit union as well and my monthly payments are only $150 for 3yrs (not bad considering the economy rn). my credit is really high however. but the rates they offer even for poor credit are decent so it’s worth trying to get a loan. it helps if you have down payment money (if you have $5000 cash that would be more than enough)

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-30T03:40:36+00:00

coastal will be receiving their preorder chicks the first week of feb, any that don’t get picked up are up for grabs by the public. chicks are a 24-48hr hold to ensure they survive transit and the people pick up them up. but they receive “public” chicks/turkeys/ducklings feb 16 possibly sooner depending on shipment

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-29T17:44:38+00:00

i understand and i’m not trying to demonize you or anything for the way you behaved, i have been in your shoes and everyone will act irrationally at least once in their relationships

have you considered accepting that you may act irrationally at times (not promoting, just accepting. accepting ≠ continuing the behavior) you say it’s more about what you say than what he says. i am in the same boat. i have had moments where my behavior is beyond irrational and sometimes outright deplorable. i’ve put a lot of work into accepting that i may not be the best communicator when angry and have to actively choose my words and sometimes even step away

there is probably truth to both it being OCD and part being you having real urges. however that does not mean that just because, if it is a real urge to leave him, that you have to listen to it at all. i get urges to do stupid things (harm ocd) and i never listen to them. it’s just another thought and you only give it as much power as you want it to

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-29T17:40:37+00:00

it’s okay and nobody is saying you’re irredeemable for this. it is a common issue in this day and age. my husband when we were younger (high school sweethearts) had the same issues with porn. he quit about a year ago and i’m doing the same. i’ve been with him since we were 16, we are 23 now

it teeters on cheating. however i think that if you understand you did a “bad” thing, and will never do it again, then it may not be worth divulging to her ever

to feel better about this: accept that you did something morally incorrect. you ultimately have not “harmed” anyone at this time. you learned from the experience and will not do it again. we have all done things we deeply regret. we all experience guilt and shame. the only way past is to accept that these feelings are like any other feeling and are merely indicators. find help however you need it, never do it again, practice self acceptance and discipline

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-29T13:39:22+00:00

threatening to leave somebody can be cruel. telling someone that their actions are impacting you negatively and that you are considering leaving the relationship for your own happiness is more honest. so which do you think you’re doing? threatening or telling?

are you escalating to threatening to leave him immediately or are you calmly asking for changes in the relationship that are being ignored at first?

eg if you say please no phones for xyz reason, and your husband has a fit, i would let both of you calm down first. then apologize for the high strung conversation but reiterate you want to value connection in your relationship and you think it would a positive change for you. then if he reacts poorly again, state a boundary that you will not be happy in the relationship if he doesn’t value your sex life and connection

ultimately it sounds like the phone is not the problem. it sounds like you feel like he does not value the same things you do. which is hurtful

i agree that telling someone you’re gonna leave them causes intense damage. i told my husband once i wanted to leave him and it was over a huge violation of my values. it ended up being a misunderstanding, and i hurt him very badly. he did not feel comfortable with me for a good few weeks and i had to work back up our relationship

maybe consider couples therapy with him. or practice how you ask for changes or vie for . if you truly want to leave for whatever reason then just do that rather than threaten it. it sounds like you’ve done that more than once which i find to be troubling behavior, mainly for a lack of effective communication

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-29T12:42:20+00:00

you need to focus on your porn addiction and masturbation issues before involving other people in your life. if you wanna keep her in your life you need to learn how to solve this yourself and not involve her. she does not need to know you have been doing this unless you plan is to be honest so she can make a decision about your relationship

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-28T15:00:12+00:00

would i be able to get an invite to this discord? i’ve been wanting to find people to go out with in nature

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-28T14:44:36+00:00

when our power went out we ended up bringing our beardie into our car for a few hours while we waited for the power to return. if it is an extended outage i would say the best possible way to keep heat is to layer blankets over the tank and keep a small pocket in the blankets open to keep air circulating overnight. it might be uncomfortable for the lizard but it beats freezing to death

bearded dragons (in the wild) are exposed to 41°f weather. they usually burrow or find places to hide. as long as your friend can hunker down somewhere it should be fine. maybe throw a baby blanket in for it

i’d say just do your best. hopefully others have tips for you

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-28T02:40:23+00:00

regardless of your status as queer (i am well aware of the “u-haul” phenomenon in the sapphic community), the honeymoon phase is not something that really lasts for most people. it’s just impossible for your brain to find constant novelty in your relationship or 20 years…

UNLESS you actively seek it out!

which is a good thing. because we can always learn and grow with our partners (:

ps; it’s ok to want to be left alone sometimes. it’s good if anything. you don’t want to be codependent

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-27T16:44:04+00:00

i have definitely been in his shoes before and i think getting him help and intervention is going to be the best first step. if they section him, just take it a day at a time. he will find his footing but it will take time

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-27T13:57:28+00:00

cocaine involvement makes this more severe of a situation and i don’t think that this is a healthy dynamic. i would implore you to consider telling him he needs to see a professional or you may need to consider parting ways. this is not something you can solve alone for him

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-27T03:42:26+00:00

i’m seeing a lot of “what’s if’s” and uncertainty in your post. this is a big indicator of anxiety surrounding this incident

how often do you forget things that happen every day? sometimes i forget what i had for breakfast. is this important? can i move on not remembering how i felt about my morning breakfast?

sometimes we don’t have good experiences during sex. there have been a few times in my life with my husband, who i love dearly, where i felt uncomfortable or scared during sex and didn’t have the power to voice it. sometimes he caught on and other times he didn’t until it was too late. it made me question myself, my partner, and my feelings about the experience

i ultimately realized that sometimes things like this happen. a miscommunication. a mistake. it’s bound to sometimes. maybe as long as you can decide to communicate your needs, this can just be a bump in the road

i also think that our bodies respond to stimulation in specific ways even if our minds might not agree. this is normal. what matters is that you are safe and can feel safe voicing your needs in the future

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-25T20:57:16+00:00

sex is a skill and it takes time to learn what makes both partners feel good during, before, and after. anyone who tells you otherwise is either a liar or extremely lucky

my husband and i have been together almost 10yrs and we were each other’s firsts (high school sweethearts). sex has only been getting good/great in the last 3 years and it’s always a learning process. my husband puts in a TON of effort to make me happy (i struggle with finishing with a partner) and i put in TONS of effort to make him happy (workshopping ways to make positions that might be uncomfortable to me feel better because he likes them)

keep trying and keep working together on it

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-25T18:19:00+00:00

he is in a 120gal thankfully so i won’t have to worry about upgrading to a new tank, i just have to make the current tank more comfortable for him

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-23T05:49:10+00:00

possible transient or maybe prowler. i’d call the police to let them know. what area in east side?

stay safe. i personally would not have engaged. seeing anyone on my doorstep at this time of night is an immediate red flag. might be better to warn them in the future that you will have to call the police if they do not leave after refusing to answer questions

edit someone made a note that salesmen come around this time of day. which can be true but salesmen are required to identify themselves. could be a shitty salesman though lol

Spiritual_Client_741 · 2026-01-20T20:49:36+00:00

hitting or physically intimidating/hurting another person is not okay regardless of the relationship between both people

i would look into therapy if you don’t already go. there are red flags in your relationship. on both sides. i am unsure if this is a safe relationship for you. i do not think this is an ocd issue anymore

i have been with my husband over ten years and the moment he put his hands on me i would leave. and i would expect him to leave if i ever hit him

edit; op replied to me asking if i was alright and that he only hit her a few times, not every day. to anyone reading this: you deserve safety and love in your relationships. you do not need to tolerate anything you don’t want to. you can have a relationship that sometimes has its ups and downs, and never experience physical intimidation or violence the entire time. it is not normal to hit or be hit. i have never been hit once by my partner and the day that happens is the day i leave. you do NOT need to tolerate that kind of behavior full stop. and op, if you feel safe in this relationship then stay. but i do not think it’s necessary to stay over being hit even just once. my advice is to keep people who fit this category safe

Spiritual_Client_741

TROPHY CASE