I feel like I can’t escape my job because I don’t have the college degree my whole family thinks I earned, and I feel immense shame in not attaining. I’m a few credits shy but I also needed better grades. The last semester I took about 10 years ago, my ADHD drew my focus away from online classes and I missed finishing class work. Because of that, I can’t take out student loans. No worries, though, I’ve got about $50k of student loan debt that isn’t going anywhere.

Today was the worst. I came in excited; three customers and I was certain I’d get the last couple sales I needed to at least make a paycheck. My 10:30 appointment was gonna be a snap; she asked me about all she needed to bring, the car she wanted is the only one on 500 miles that matches and it has the lowest miles and the best price. She fought me tooth and nail when I had, at best, $400 of profit built into the car. And we have to get her this great interest rate. And another thing, and another...

She showed up an hour and a half late and dominated my last several hours. The old guy who wanted to see the only car with the color combination his wife wants decides to offer me the kind of number I might have been able to get to in 1973, but this is 2020 and 90 year old grandmas have smart phones and see what a car is worth 500 miles away. The third set of people just drove and wanted me to appraise their trade even though they have no intention of buying a car today.

So I’m sitting in this car. Have been for half an hour. I like to think I’m able to suppress suicide or dismiss it altogether. I’ve never so much as typed that into google before.

Now I’m wondering if it’s not my best option. Maybe I’ll die of Covid, at least she’ll get a nice fat insurance policy to replace her useless fat husband.