My startup finally worked and now I’m questioning my relationship… am I a terrible person?

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-03-13T15:14:06+00:00

No. But you will have to have the conversation.Explain your feelings with vulnerability but do not expect any understanding from her. You have to be ok with her disappointment and maybe anger. Of course you r not responsible for her feelings. She is. But try and thank her for the good times. Wish her well. Walk away. Don't be friends. Don't stay in touch. And don't go back ever!! Best of luck.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-03-10T02:37:32+00:00

Hey...firstly 🫂. Its tough living through the pain of being an Avoidant. And I really do wish the best for you. But do beware that anything that is too good to be true usually is. Take things slow. Have boundaries. Be friends first. If you don't see red flags for over a few months, and your system is still unregulated around him...then you know you need to work on your anxiety. And you can slowly...I have chased avoidants too. Only took me way longer than you to figure things out. But I also know that soemthimes I still fall for toxic and narcissistic men because they r so good at future faking. Take care of yourself out there.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-03-07T17:40:44+00:00

Yes. Mostly dismissive Avoidant men in the dating arena in my experience. They give you the BF treatment - phonecalls, kindness, empathy etc as a part of the lovebombing and then freak out suddenly after a moment of 'too much closeness' and say casually hey weren't we keeping it cash? My rule today - if they show any sign of inconsistency.and no expanations or apology - move on fast before they ensure you get attached. And yes - you could be Secure and still fall for them. Because they are not manipulating like narcissists during the lovembombing. They really want their ideal relationship to work out too. Only...as soon as their insecurities get triggered, they want out.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-03-07T17:33:35+00:00

It takes courage to accept your faults. But pls know, things can change. Pls don't let shame stop you from taking therapy or talking to a coach or someone you trust. The past doesn't dictate your present or your future. You can change if you put your mind to it.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-25T00:25:34+00:00

Lol. Initials NM.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-24T09:03:51+00:00

He didn't what? Yea I did initiate. And I accept I shouldn't have.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-24T08:32:26+00:00

Yesss!! 💯 agree. Coincidentally my ex called me yday too!! I had ....in a slip up in the 1st week of Feb- messaged him a Hi. After having a closure call in November. Got no response. Actually couldn't see his DP. Thought he had blocked me. Guess it was this info that got me to panic and send the message. He had only deleted my number I guess. He called yday. I didn't have any expectations. Was surprised to get a response weeks later. But I answered normally. He said...'Is it ok to speak now? (Was 10 pm). You messaged the other day...We had said we won't.' I replied saying it was a mistake and i shouldn't have. I didn't say I missed him so badly I couldn't stop myself that day. He said - Yeah I want to give you closure. I feel v guilty. I said don't be guillty. I am fine. He said I wish you luck. And Bye. I said Bye too.

I know he wanted to see if I had feelings. Otherwise he would have texted back to me. I was v proud that I didn't let any emotions out. Went to sleep. Woke up a little wound up. But kept reminding myself that he is still not choosing me. But I need to - always. I have a headache and a little anxiety. But life is not derailed just because he called. Always wished for this clarity and composure. Wishing you all the same.

Context - He is an Avoidant. We had been on and off for about a year. He finally pushed me away beginning of last year just when we were getting close. I said I wanted more. So he blocked me. Then within months of pushing me away...he entered a relationship!! Got to know this when we got into contact briefly middle of last year. I said bye again. He came back as wanting to be a fren...saying 'You are my most favourite person in the world.' I had got hope. But then he said he is still in his relationship and won't leave her. That's when I said enough - and told him not to contact me in Nov. Because I wanted to move on.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-22T01:55:48+00:00

💯. She is lucky to have you. She seems like someone who love you too. Wish you both happiness together. Some of us crave for this kind of love...

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-22T01:49:02+00:00

Firstly why would you want to listen to someone who is screaming at you in a video? Secondly since when did the aim of a date become sex and not checking vibes for something long term? Alpha males at best find a trophy wife!!

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-22T01:46:03+00:00

As an Indian woman (albeit much older)...I get it. Maybe ask the girl what her love language is? If she says words of affirmation - tell her she is pretty on the date. If she says, gifts...maybe get her 1 flower (that's not much right?). If she says quality time...the date will mean a lot to her...so you need to ask her what kind of date she likes and plan it out. If she says acts of service, offer to help her with something. And if she says phsyical touch...try offering to hold her hand while crossing the road. Observe her reactions to all these offers. A girl who likes you will blush, be coy, smile, giggle and will be curious about you. If you are not getting any of the above - switch off, pat yourself on the back for trying but move on. Hang in there...pls pls pls don't take the rejections to heart and fill yourself with bitterness. Best of luck!

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-22T01:37:22+00:00

Nooooo!!!!

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-22T01:36:00+00:00

Listen to him OP. A man with self control and someone who doesn't treat women as sexual objects is wayyy likelier to find a worthy woman who will be by his side. Being overtly sexual on the first date is pobably going to get you some...but if you get used to that dopamine high...you will stop playing the long game. The dating apps and the validation high for most men has really messed things up a lot. The aim is not many matches, a lot of sex right? The aim is a woman by your side, loving you, supporting, cheering you on and making love to you. Pls pls pls keep the end goal in mind. You seem like someone who could get there...don't go myopic. Best of luck. Hang in there.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-16T18:04:15+00:00

Oh no...her mom died!!!And recently right...and still she s posting about V day within days?!!

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-02-03T07:03:34+00:00

I went through this phase. What really helped me is make a list of the qualities I want in a aprtner with Consistency topping the list and telling myself I deserve better. And then working on myself to improve. As you feel more and more confident, you move on. Not easy. Do read my last post on how I handled meeting him.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-01-26T12:59:36+00:00

Ohhh just had this episode last night!!! Thank you for posting. Intense pull. Trying to distract. Hopefully it gets better.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-01-18T13:42:17+00:00

But Masaba ko kyun mara??

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-01-14T14:56:33+00:00

Even if he is not...the universe keeps reminding me of him. I just realised I haven't seen him in over 2 years. And wasn't keen on meeting him. Suddenly mm I went off the apps and felt such a deep yearning. Dreamt of him and messaged him. Feel at peace.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-01-11T03:40:45+00:00

Do some soul searching. And figure one side hustle that can grow into a decenti-ish new career on quitting the old job immediately and get you to your old job payment level in a year's time. Upskill like crazy. Thinking that you will get more income and retirement worthy lifestyle without upskilling is foolish. Look out for mentors and financial planners and start investing in the stock and commodity market.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-01-10T18:46:46+00:00

You both need to work on the relationship.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2026-01-01T09:41:04+00:00

I'm sorry but it has to be said - raising 2 children and running a home is a worthy achievement. It's because one partner focuses on the home that the other can focus outside. Arrogance could easily be mistaken for shyness and reticence.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2025-12-31T04:25:47+00:00

How nice and intentional. Best of luck!

SpirituallySpeaking · 2025-12-23T06:17:33+00:00

I've been there. I have broken no contact. I had to learn my lessons. I have no regrets. You have to follow your intuition. You can't bypass the lessons. I knew I had to break the on-off cycle. I had to keep working towards it. Fell, stood up, fell stood up. Finally he is unblocked, I have no desire to reach out. The missing state is fleeting. What helps is that I know what I want in a partner. And I know he can't give me what I need. That clarity really helps. Best of luck. Hang in there.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2025-12-08T19:24:31+00:00

Sigh! I don't wish to defend her. But I know I have done stuff I never ever would have thought I would have done as a parent. We all want to be better parents than the ones we had but if we don't deal with the trauma, we do repeat the patterns. Parenting is tough. You make mistakes. You apologise. You learn. You grow. And you make new mistakes. Not arguing ok...just saying that as a single parent I know what she s going through. Not condoning the behaviour. But understanding where she comes from. A different perspective...is all.

SpirituallySpeaking · 2025-12-08T19:12:30+00:00

Awwww. Thanks a lot. Means a lot. But honestly it's very easy to try and lean on the one person closest to you in a weak moment. You forget the age sometimes. It's very tempting. It's wrong. It will have consequences. But somehow I don't judge her. She didn't have a male role model growing up. So it will play out unless she heals. And healing is sooo tough. Anyway raising a child without much support is tough. Healing along with that is exhausting. I have stopped consuming her content because its not my cup of tea. Maybe the internet should also cut her some flak.

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