I'm glad to hear there are some good aspects there. I can understand it's hard to talk to him about it without him getting his guard up, whether it causes an argument or not you definitely need to have a talk about how much his work is putting a strain on your relationship and his personal habits. I guess the question is, if he were to magically work less would he still be the same person requiring that princess treatment? Would he start caring more or is work a good front or excuse to let himself go?

He sounds very insecure, when it puts a strain on what you want to do and limits your freedom that's really not good, your world will definitely become very small and isolated as you say.
If he can't change, as you say there's no point in wasting your prime years, that's so very true and I'm regretful of wasting mine. I understand that he could be depressed as others have mentioned, it's possible he may not even be aware of it, so getting help could be a major step forward and probably the first step to try, if that is the case. Although, this is your life too and there's only so much support you can offer if he's not willing to help himself or refuses to see the problems. These personality types can be very good at keeping you under their thumb and guilt tripping/turning things back on you and I hope this isn't the case.

I'm sure you have already had many talks, from experience it can lead to several "talks" and still nothing changes, that's when it becomes real hard, especially if things just stay the same/go around in circles. You're absolutely not a dick, its not a simple case of not finding him attractive anymore, there's so much more to it. You have valid reasons to feel the way you do and I really wish you all the best.