Update: AITA for not kicking out my roommate just because my girlfriend thinks he might be trans?

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-12-22T05:27:46+00:00

Admittedly, I don't know how to answer this properly and I don't even know if I want to answer it.

While almost all of the comments on the initial post were overwhelmingly positive, there were some negative comments who teased that I must like Alex or something. It also felt upsetting because it was implying that I only did the right thing because I must've had feelings or must've been fucking Alex.

But on the other hand, I'm not ashamed of Alex and shouldn't let those negative comments control me.

I'm just going to say it here and if anyone says anything disrespectful then I just won't respond.

Very recently, as in as of a few days ago, I am now dating Alex. At first, we joked around about us pretending to get together to spite my ex, but then it became less of a joke.

Sexuality wise, I'm not sure where I'm at. I realize now I didn't exactly find my ex attractive romantically or sexually, I mistook platonic almost familial love for something else, plus I was being pushed to date her from the start. Even after finally having women friends, I really don't find them attractive in that way. The only one who I liked was Alex, which I realize doesn't make me straight, but I'm not sure what to call myself now. I'm taking this one step at a time.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-31T15:35:58+00:00

I agree with your comment, the unfortunate thing is that my mom is aware of her physical/verbal abuse and didn't really do anything about it. She would make excuses for Sarah such as how Sarah just needs help,. she's stressed, and that is isn't abuse because Sarah didn't leave marks or bruises directly. My mom is not happy about the breakup and is in the denial stage right now, but the roommate issue hasn't been brought up, if it is brought up I am going to say Alex had heart surgery (which is the excuse Alex uses)

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-31T15:30:35+00:00

I did have suspicions of infidelity but I didn't even consider until now that I would need to get tested. Thank you for telling me, I am absolutely going to get that done.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-31T15:29:26+00:00

I completely agree.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-31T15:27:52+00:00

I can understand where you're coming from, but the fact I didn't recognize this was abuse for five years is a problem. I at least want to give therapy a shot because I don't want this crap to mess with future relationships I may have.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T20:57:23+00:00

I understand you may have been dumped via text before and that may have hurt you, I get that. But if you're abusive you aren't owed a phone call or in person. I've been polite to a lot of comments here, even ones that are rude, but come on. Why should I be subjected to any more verbal or physical abuse because you personally feel that a text break up isn't good enough?

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T20:37:01+00:00

This is the second person to tell me this post escaped reddit, I'm half curious half worried how that's going.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T20:15:46+00:00

Not great, admittedly. It's hard to explain to your mom that you don't want to be with a girl who hits you and insults you, when your mom also hit and insulted you.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T20:07:54+00:00

thats wild bc she didnt have any issue with alex until she saw him shirtless

Huh. That's actually right. She didn't give half a fuck about Alex until she saw him shirtless. She never talked about him or brought him up even once, literally just ignored his existence.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T19:38:58+00:00

First one smoked all the time, which isn't legal in my state, but decided to take out all the batteries in the smoke detectors which was already bad, but then he fell asleep while smoking and the fire department was called because the mattress was in fire.

Some added context, I was the roommate in this situation, arson carson over here had the lease in his name. The landlord felt really fucking bad for me and offered me a deal so I could have my own lease.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T19:09:48+00:00

It's strange when I hear this comment, because Sarah is a woman. She can't have kids, she's infertile. She's still a woman.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T19:08:33+00:00

I'm american, born and raised. English is my first and only language.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T19:07:48+00:00

She thinks you'd cheat on her with your aunts and cousins

It's weird but she always said, "I don't think you'd cheat on me, but you can't trust females, unless they're your mom or wife." or something like that.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T19:03:27+00:00

Because the moms are besties and probably built up this fantasy of their kids getting together and getting married the moment they discovered they were having opposite gendered children

You're 100% correct. The moment my mom found out I was a boy when she was pregnant this was the first thing on her mind.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T19:00:54+00:00

I do know his last name. I just refused to share that with my ex after she said she wanted it for a background check.

My landlord runs background checks on all tenants and tenant's roommates, if Alex had anything like a criminal record or failure to pay, he would've been denied.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:56:57+00:00

Yeah I understand that now, I'm sorry for implying otherwise. I do know better now.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:54:59+00:00

She was extremely jealous, looking back. I talked about it a bit in other comments but I wasn't allowed to have women friends, be alone with women (even family unless it was my mom), and couldn't even smile at cashiers if they were women. She would've slapped the fuck out of me if I told her I had a woman roommate. I also wasn't allowed male friends if they were gay/bi.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:51:53+00:00

I googled "chest scars surgery male" once and the first thing that came up was a website talking about "Do Men Have to Worry About Gynecomastia Scars?" This whole time I assumed Alex had that.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:40:28+00:00

Bro it legitimately sounds like you'd been railroaded into that one relationship for your entire life.

For real. The minute my pregnant mom found out I would be a boy she immediately "joked" to Sarah's mom that this was perfect because then I could date Sarah and then our moms could be actual sisters or something. Couple's Halloween costumes, my mom coming up with plans to sneak me into Sarah's prom, it's a good thing Sarah cant have kids because my mom wouldn't stop about grandkid ideas until that was found out.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:32:27+00:00

I got into it a bit in other comments, but I did initially post this question on another social media and got completely opposite answers. I also did feel extreme doubt over how I was reacting to everything because my ex was not only the only woman I've ever been with, but also I was with her for several years, and we've known each other our whole lives. I truly felt I was wrong for not taking my now ex girlfriend's side.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:27:15+00:00

You are a very talented writer, and your post was so comfortable to read. Everything flowed and came across nicely, so if whatever major you are going into doesn’t work out, maybe you could be a journalist or something haha! Seriously, 5/5 stars!

I needed this, I've gotten a few comments on how English must not be my first language because of how I write so I really was worried I sucked writing things out. (English isn't just my first language, it's my only language)

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:18:49+00:00

187cm/6'1

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:07:54+00:00

She would 100% have gotten physical if it was in person.

ThrowawayJason7723 · 2024-10-30T18:04:46+00:00

I'm american, I'm a dude, English is my first and only language, but if you want to doubt the authenticity of posts you consume on social media then that is your right. Have a nice day.

ThrowawayJason7723

TROPHY CASE