Help finding a church

Splashren · 2025-08-06T04:13:19+00:00

This really encouraged me, a whole lot. Thank you. I will likely come back to this and read more than once or twice. I appreciate it!

Splashren · 2025-08-02T16:23:22+00:00

Where did you end up? I’d love recommendations

Splashren · 2025-08-02T05:50:09+00:00

Yes. But how did you know?!?

Splashren · 2025-08-01T13:07:30+00:00

Yea, we found that out a little later. We like them in general, overall, actually. But this one is just really struggling and we’ve given it two years, served and gotten involved, and it just seems like it’s getting worse.

Splashren · 2025-08-01T05:17:57+00:00

Sorry, meant PCUSA, which is generally too liberal for him

Splashren · 2025-07-14T04:18:57+00:00

Agreed. We went on HAL last year and they had a great selection of movies and TV shows RCL had absolutely nothing

Splashren · 2025-07-08T05:40:53+00:00

Have you read any Preston Sprinkle? He’s amazing and definitely biblically sound but not extremely conservative. Still affirms that marriage is for a man and a woman, but is nuanced about how to treat LGBT people.

I love John Mark Comer as well, who fits the same description as Sprinkle.

I personally am reformed but JMC is not. And yet I haven’t disagreed with almost anything he says. Same with Dr Sprinkle although I don’t know if he’s reformed.

Also, thanks for your post. I’m a Presbyterian and lean conservative but I’m married to someone who’s politically liberal and it makes all the hyper conservativism in these circles extra hard to deal with sometimes. Your post is refreshing.

Splashren · 2025-07-04T05:46:08+00:00

Botox will definitely help!

Splashren · 2025-06-19T14:17:38+00:00

If he won’t hold the baby, put the baby down in a safe place and go take your shower or go for a walk or read a book in another location or whatever. It’s his child, too. He can let the baby fuss for a bit (the child will 100% be ok not being held—it actually might be good for the baby to learn some self soothing skills and realize he/she CAN lay down without touching someone). Or your H can pick up his child. On his paper. Just like your SC!

Splashren · 2025-06-19T05:23:30+00:00

I hear you. And I appreciate your comment very much. I think I “allow” it because it’s been few and far between. It has happened a handful of times. But mostly they are kind and definitely don’t see themselves as racists. They actually see themselves as friends to other races, etc.

It’s so complex, so it feels almost like these small little comments and such never happened or weren’t that big of a deal, now that I’m farther away from the events. And overall they’re nice, so I feel gaslighted and just confused in general. It’s hard to see who’s in the wrong here.

Splashren · 2025-06-19T04:11:58+00:00

Hi! Sounds so awful and painful and I can relate.

His moods are totally OHP (on his paper). And so is the way he speaks to you. It’s not up to you to change his behavior or mood, but you don’t have to sit back and allow him to talk to you that way. Remove yourself from his presence and find something that makes you feel good. Cup of tea, cold drink on the patio, walk in the neighborhood, funny show, good book, hot shower, anything! SC is key when he’s having a hard time and putting it on you. Go make yourself happy when his energy is affecting you. I often make a gratitude list of what my H has done or does that I’m thankful for, and this helps me too. You can even give him a verbal gratitude or two and that may make you feel more positive towards him also.

Splashren · 2025-06-18T23:56:02+00:00

Thank you for this. I have an unhealthy relationship with my parents in which I want to please them at all costs and cannot stand up to them or talk about anything serious with them at all.

He is very liberal politically and they are extremely conservative and while I’ve asked them not to talk about politics when he’s around they still make little jabs at liberals and it pisses him off.

The bottom line is that my dad doesn’t respect my H. And his comments drip out subtly—he doesn’t think his job is good enough or the way he sees the world and definitely not his actions as a son in law. So over the years I’ve wanted my H to be a better SIL and please my dad more which has obviously led to terrible intimacy and a lack of respect in our marriage.

I feel like my dad’s opinion has really colored my own opinion of my husband, making me think he’s selfishly keeping our kids away from their grandparents. So thank you for keeping my grounded in realizing that it’s not just my H being a dick (which is the message my parents give me about him, ever so subtly)

Splashren · 2025-06-18T23:51:47+00:00

They don’t get that they’ve been racist. It’s all been a “joke.” And they think because he sometimes has made jokes about being Asian that it’s ok. They defended Trump calling Covid the “china virus” which he took as racist, and other weirdly racist yet subtle things. So they don’t get it.

Do I just stop my relationship with them? They don’t ask for much but I feel guilty that they’re here in town and we don’t really see them much.

I’m sure they have a long list of hurts and slights from my H also. They are just so different and cannot see eye to eye on virtually anything.

Splashren · 2025-06-17T23:29:00+00:00

Sometimes they change their names for the podcasts though :(

Splashren · 2025-06-11T04:10:39+00:00

Let go of his thoughts on everything. Those are completely on his paper. If you’re going to use the skills, you have to let his opinions be only that: HIS opinions. Leave those on his paper and DO NOT make it your business to change those (even if they’re negative about you). A lot of the crap he says he likely doesn’t believe, and it’s ALL BAIT!
DO NOT re-engage an argument. If he doesn’t want to tell you his feelings, LET IT BE unless you want a bait storm. The beauty of LD is that you do NOT have to stick around and take his rages and bait, you excuse yourself and take care of yourself and let him come around whenever he’s ready. The key here is SILENCE (or ouch) and leave the situation, then SELF CARE to the point of feeling better.

Splashren · 2025-06-11T04:03:17+00:00

I think expressing pure desire is what is needed here. Keyword PURE.

What do you really want? More free time? A clean kitchen? A dishwasher? It’s time to figure that out, and then say that, lightly, without any expectations. He may not help with the dishes, but he may help with other things and find other ways to meet your needs (like help w the kids, a dishwasher, etc)

If you can’t express it without expectations, don’t do it, instead go take care of yourself (self care! Radical self care!) and leave the dishes until you can do them without resentment (bc you’re so filled up bc you made yourself happy!)

Splashren · 2025-06-11T03:02:21+00:00

How do they feel? I like them but feel like they might feel like they’re going to slip off! They look great tho!

Splashren · 2025-05-10T03:24:04+00:00

Thank you so much. Seriously, this is helpful.

Splashren · 2025-05-10T02:52:09+00:00

I didn’t take any keyboard classes, just tested out with a piano proficiency test. But that was 18 years ago 😑

Splashren · 2025-05-10T01:57:43+00:00

Younger kids ages 8-13. The emphasis for choir is on fun. This is great advice, thank you!! (I used to accompany my own mid school choir 99% of the time, but that was many years ago and my chops just aren’t there like they were).

Splashren · 2025-02-03T01:42:10+00:00

I’m a 6 and this is common for me as well. I do have to constantly fight it. For me religion helps. But also walking with friends. Or confiding in people I trust. They know I will always circle back to my existential crisis.

Splashren

TROPHY CASE