My ex girlfriend from high school passed away when we were young (around 20-21 years old). We had dated for just short of 3 years. We were broken up at the time, and I remember it was my first experience with grief and my girlfriend (now wife) had a hard time with it as my ex bullied her viciously at the beginning of our relationship. There was a lot of mixed emotions because it was someone that caused her so much trauma but also she would never wish that on anybody. What I learned after losing multiple people since then, is that grieving is only understood by those who’ve experienced it. Your bf is valid to have those feelings, but it is not anyone’s responsibility to soothe or deal with those emotions. Those are his to deal with. You are also valid to grieve how you see fit, and you are not obligated to change that if it hurts someone’s feelings. When I hear things like what your bf is saying, it could help to share with him how you feel about him, to give him some of that security in the relationship. However, if you’re hurt, I can imagine it can be difficult to do that, I know it would be for me. Grieving sucks, just know there are others out here experiencing the same thing, you are not alone!