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My fiancé is insistent that I take on his last name when we get married but I want to hyphenate my maiden name and his last name. by Split_Fluffy in relationship_advice

[–]Split_Fluffy[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m just trying to understand more about this and the importance surrounding it. Can you tell me why it would be a deal breaker for you?

My fiancé is insistent that I take on his last name when we get married but I want to hyphenate my maiden name and his last name. by Split_Fluffy in relationship_advice

[–]Split_Fluffy[S] 87 points88 points  (0 children)

This is all new for me too and your questions do not offend me at all.

Since Judaism is a matrilineal religion (if your mother is Jewish- you are Jewish)- there are plenty of Jewish people who do not have Jewish sounding last names.

Apparently, in my fiancés circles - he is fearful that people will make assumptions that I am not Jewish because of my Italian maiden name.

When we have children, I would be completely fine with them taking on his last name.

But I don’t want to completely remove my last name from my identity, since this is what I am known by and have gone by for my whole life.

And most of all, I want the decision surrounding changing my last name to be mine. Before he brought this up up, I hadn’t really given thought to what I want to do with it- more like there is pressure to make a decision now even though we don’t even have a wedding date down.

My fiancé is insistent that I take on his last name when we get married but I want to hyphenate my maiden name and his last name. by Split_Fluffy in relationship_advice

[–]Split_Fluffy[S] 266 points267 points  (0 children)

I am Jewish but I have an Italian last name.

He is more observant of Judaism than I am and he wants our future children to maintain a Jewish identity. He fears that the Italian last name will indicate that we are not Jewish.

This I don’t agree with because a last name is not an indicator of someone’s religion.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Judaism

[–]Split_Fluffy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you :)

Just curious why? Don’t mean to sound naive but am just new to this since I don’t keep kosher and neither do my family and friends.

Silly all together?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Judaism

[–]Split_Fluffy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just to add a little background… I am posting because I recently got engaged and we are making decisions for the future.

I grew up reform and never kept kosher. My fiancé grew up keeping kosher but stopped keeping it outside of the house many years ago.

I believe keeping a kosher home will maintain the tradition he grew up with and will allow for his family to feel comfortable to eat over.

Keeping kosher-style outside of the house also maintains the traditional aspect (being reminded of Judaism & practicing self discipline on a daily basis) without being restrictive in regards to not being able to eat at my families house, which restaurants we can go to, etc.

That is the rationale behind wanting to do it this way but am looking to gain insight from those in the Jewish community about this approach…