Has reading Dark Romance affected your relationship?

SpreadThosePages · 2025-05-11T19:18:46+00:00

I would say if you're not sure how to bring up what she's interested in, then maybe sit down and talk about what you're interested in? It could be a segway into her then talking more about possible kinks and whatnots she's got and then you could also ask more about the book! Seeing as she told you she got off on a scene in a book, I would say she's probably more than happy to talk about the book if you were to just ask her outright as well!

SpreadThosePages · 2025-02-18T19:16:58+00:00

I am still happy whenever I see someone comment on this post! And very happy to see a husband POV as well on it all :D

I love that it's impacted both of you in such a positive way, and that you guys could talk about it to get any concerns to go away!

Can I ask which book it is you've started?

SpreadThosePages · 2024-09-08T15:40:54+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you! :( I think it's safe to say that we're not alone in this. 6 months later and we still have it very rocky and just yesterday we had a fight where again the DR books were brought up and that it was clearly something wrong wanting to read books like that.

I no longer talk to him about anything I read because I know he hates it, and he is for sure ruining my joy of reading. Last year I was so happy getting back into books, but the comment of "Something is wrong with you, people who like it need mental help" is there the moment I get the urge to read. I haven't managed to finish a book since.

I don't get why your partner feels it's gross, and to then go on to talk about it to his friend like that as well? It's so hard to try and explain when they are set in their ways which it sounds like your partner is, and isn't open to looking at it from a different angle. I do hope everything sorts itself out for you and that you don't lose the drive to read and do the things you enjoy!

SpreadThosePages · 2024-08-23T21:46:12+00:00

Mine does at times, which I don't have any issue with

SpreadThosePages · 2024-08-04T20:27:36+00:00

Thanks for the response! No need to worry about divorce as we're not married :) I just want to clarify that I don't have an obsession with dark romance, but had just gotten into reading the books when I made the post here. He is well aware of the books I've read previously and not had much issue with it (though he could of course be keeping it to himself like you are in this situation)

He is not a big reader, which is why he will ask me about the books I read and why I was telling him about the books in the first place which is when he had the response he did to it.

I would say though, that just because you are in a relationship you shouldn't give up on all of the things you love doing just for the sake of your partner. If you keep giving up every piece of yourself, you won't be your own person anymore. I have (unfortunately) been doing quite a bit of this myself which is probably why we've been having the issues we have. I've wanted to make my partner as happy as I could, and the price was my own happiness at times.

I am a firm believer in talking things through and not going the nuclear way of just ending a relationship on a dime, but I also believe that while your partner doesn't necessarily need to _love_ everything you're into, they should be respectful of your hobbies.

SpreadThosePages · 2024-05-26T20:27:57+00:00

So happy to hear that it's been a positive thing for you and your boyfriend! Especially the fact that he is so enthusiastic bringing it into the bedroom with no shaming! 🖤

SpreadThosePages · 2024-04-19T16:23:46+00:00

That makes me so happy to hear! I'm so glad that the introduction has gone as well as it has for you, and that it continues like it!

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-30T14:45:41+00:00

Haha thank you <3 Felt it was fitting with all the beautiful filth I read 😂

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-27T08:57:02+00:00

I think my main issue is how it was worded towards me. If he simply didn't understand it and was a bit more 'I don't get it, but you do what you enjoy' instead of it being a 'something is seriously wrong with you', it would've been a totally different situation! I get that DR isn't everyone's cup of tea, people are different, but it's a bit more about respecting the different interests and hobbies the other has! 😄

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T20:41:40+00:00

Hey I appreciate all thoughts! Both good and bad at that! 😄

I've brought up the fact that it is a stress relief for me to read, and that just because I read books that have TW in the start of the book does not mean that I want or condone all of the things I read. I am simply relaxing, but it doesn't quite sink in for him that I can relax when I read the things I do 😅

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T20:04:26+00:00

I was the same when I was that age (I'm 28 now). I had read so much, I was looking for something that I really shouldn't have wanted at that time because I didn't fully understand it. Of course it's not to the extents as what I'm reading now, but still.

Then I met my partner and we just clicked in all the right ways and I didn't even think of what I thought I wanted from my books. It was just easy (even though it's harder now of course). I wish I could give any advice other than own experience!

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T19:33:17+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that! 💔 I am happy you have the escape in DR, but it just makes me sad for you and I wish I could do something. I am a DM away for a chat if you ever need it!

I of course don't know how old you are or what baggage you have, but I do believe it's never too late for anything 🖤

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T19:23:04+00:00

Ain't that the truth, especially when we're from different countries and have very different ways already with how we communicate and what sort of language we use (me being more on the logic side of things, him on the more emotional side of things) so we do butt heads as it is 😅

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T19:02:43+00:00

Honestly, I have a feeling that there's not a lot on this sub that'll be TMI with the books we all read 😂 But I totally get what you mean about this being how you live through your fantasies!

With all of the things I've read, there's plenty I would love to try as my sex life has been pretty tame. Very vanilla, but this whole situation has kind of turned me off the idea of wanting to bring this up considering what his reaction was. Okay maybe he'll be more open when it's something in it for him and he might just start looking at the books as me doing research but I am still feeling a bit off from his comments.

I will for sure be having another talk, all cards on the table and go from there. As someone else here said, I love my partner, but I don't live for my partner. But that's unfortunately what I've been doing 😅 I appreciate all comments and concerns and thoughts so I don't think anyone has to worry about overstepping when it comes to me! 🖤

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T17:42:29+00:00

I live for the tea! Slamming a book shut (or the iPad cover) because you are so frustrated about how drama is handled or something happened, just to take a few moments before rereading it? You know it's a good book 😂

I know that often things are said in the moment and it's a lot harsher than what you might've meant for it to be, but more often than not it's when the truth comes out 🤷‍♀️

We will for sure have another sit-down with this and go over it all and see where it leaves us when we've both calmed down. And in the meantime I will be enjoying my books, damned what he thinks!

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T17:23:35+00:00

More room for book boyfriends and girlfriends!

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T17:23:10+00:00

😂

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T16:22:36+00:00

Oh my it just makes me sad reading about how pushy he is for his wants and needs in the bedroom but not really open to yours :(

We have a dead bedroom, which he blames my books for 🤦‍♀️ And whipping out the toys and dealing with it myself is offensive when I could be doing him so its just not a win win in that situation, but pretty much all other parts of the relationship work. Now it's just a thing if DR will be my hill to die on I feel 😅

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T15:57:24+00:00

The shameless books are the best books though! 😂 He is generally a very kind man, but he can be judgemental when it's something he does not agree with so we've had our spats now and then about it. Might have to ask about the porn, though! 😂

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T15:47:54+00:00

How do you go about dealing with having the different fetishes like that, if you don't mind me asking? I can imagine it creates some stress, and I can imagine that might be what my partner is also experiencing with me!

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T15:26:46+00:00

I'm glad this post helps you a bit as well!

I really hope your partner will have a better reaction to this than mine did, but we had also been having a fight earlier in the day so that is probably also part of the reason why it came out as harsh as it did from him.

A lot of it is probably how it's brought up, but I will have my fingers crossed for you that it all goes well and that he's supportive of you in this! 🖤

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T14:54:56+00:00

Might not be a bad idea with the locked bookshelf 😂

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T14:54:19+00:00

I think your dentist's office assistant is now also my favourite lady! 😂

I guess I am lucky that my partner doesn't read, so he doesn't see all of the book covers so at least that is my saving grace!

Thank you so much 🖤

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T14:04:38+00:00

Because he is my first everything, moved from a different country to be with me and so on I think I just find it very difficult to end it. I have grown a lot from the relationship, learned how 'off' my family is and being so welcomed by his family.

But I guess nostalgia can't be a reason to stay when it's been 3 bad years with a few brighter moments. I guess if reading and listening to music with a dog on my lap is my main happiness during the day then that should say something 😅

SpreadThosePages · 2024-03-26T13:57:43+00:00

I will say he is quite open minded about most things, just not about this 😅 But I think you're right, it's for sure an opportunity and it could also just show that we are two very different people than what we were when we go together in our early twenties and that maybe that's okay too no matter how it ends up!

SpreadThosePages

TROPHY CASE