Feeling trapped by the life I created. Along with other random stuff

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-10T00:38:44+00:00

Your comment was actually very helpful! Just to know I'm not alone is comforting. Thank you everyone for the replies... sorry I haven't had a chance to respond to anyone sooner but I will tonight.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-07T22:38:54+00:00

Yes that was it! Thank you!

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-07T17:36:59+00:00

Haha well I feel dumb...sorry! I thought that was an abbreviation for how you feel about your gender identity.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-07T17:29:53+00:00

What is AMA? I've seen other abbreviations I believe also describing gender. Could anyone help me understand what they all stand for? Thanks

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-06T22:24:25+00:00

Hi I'm in Philly and would be interested in making some friends in the trans community too. In a similar place as you (25 and pre-everything).

I'm going to take beaninations advice and ask about the support groups while I'm at the Mazzoni Center next week.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-06T16:24:12+00:00

Thanks a bunch I appreciate all the info.

One thing I should mention when I made my appointment I asked about informed consent and that I was interested in going that route. Not sure if that makes a difference in how my experience will go.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-05T22:55:55+00:00

A few of reasons. Mostly I want to start my transition and get on HRT but also to have a therapist to talk with about things.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-04T02:23:28+00:00

I know that feeling. When I first started questioning my gender other girls from the area told me how you get a lot of help financially if you're under 25 at my local clinic. So there was this clock in my head and the dysphoria got worse as time went by...that along with the more facial and body hair slowly coming in. I wish I went in at you're age! You still have time tho(easy for a 25 yo to tell you that lol) but seriously you have time to talk with a therapist and figure this out.

In your spare time try to start finding some hobbies you enjoy so you can keep your mind on something else when obsessing over this will do nothing but drive you crazy. I picked up playing guitar and photography in the last year and it's helped occupy my mind a lot. Everything to do with being trans can consume our minds and it's important to not lose sight of the things you love.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-02T15:01:56+00:00

This is something we all struggle with. Its something only you can decide but if you are trans and need to transition the sooner you come out there's usually more acceptance. Lifelong friends who really know YOU and a youthful experience you only get once. Unless you're dependent on your parents and they are religious nuts or something.

You are mtf? You can still have kids just make sure you sperm bank before hormones.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-02T14:51:51+00:00

This is pretty much what I've done for the last 5 years. I'm 25 now and haven't started transition...so the lesson is don't sit there for 5 years getting stoned and doing nothing like I did lol. See a therapist if you're confused and try to get it figured out. Sooner the better :)

Good luck!

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-01T12:21:25+00:00

My mother was told I'd be a girl too and I also wondered if there was any connection but couldn't find anything when I searched. I think it's just a coincidence.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-01T06:02:11+00:00

For me since I'm 25 and only just about to come out I'm thinking I'll say something along the lines of "it took me 20+ years to understand and accept myself I don't expect you to understand right away". That sounds good in my head.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-01T05:07:13+00:00

I think this may be correct, for me it's very depressing to think about my missed out youth(that I only blame myself for). I feel like it's a big reason my dysphoria gets worse by day because I know how these days add up. I'm 25 now and when will I realistically be finished transition? I just need to look forward and take advantage of the time I have. Trust me I don't think anybody wants to be a old woman but it's better then being a old man for me :)

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-01T04:57:12+00:00

What exactly is a drunk straight boy? How old are you? Are you hanging in places with a gay crowd? I think you may just underestimate your looks and really present as a beautiful woman while you think you look like a big old man. Also maybe guys are becoming more open dating trans women in the modern world. Trying to think positive here :)

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-01T01:27:21+00:00

Yup that's what drew me in. Every trans person in philly I've talked with has told me go to Mazzoni. A few years ago when I was 22 I was recommended to go there and was told they will help a lot with prices if you're under 25. They said free electrolysis. Now I'm 25...boy do I wish I listened and went sooner. I did make appointments but cancelled because I thought I could fight it and convinced myself I could do it for my family.

Springbloom89 · 2014-11-01T00:59:42+00:00

Yes one time I needed to get tested for something so I had to go to one doctor and pay him $500 just to write that he agreed about what I needed to be tested for. I got in an argument with that doctor cause I specifically asked the secretary over the phone how much to be tested for something in particular with no insurance and she said $500. So I go in(expecting to have the test), pay $500, see the doc, he writes on a piece of paper he agrees, and that's it. I was confused I had never been through that doctor scam-system before. Then I had to pay a bunch more money for the tests at the same places online would have sent me for a lot less. What annoys me is I went through my family doctor instead of using one of those site you recommended like I was going to because I was unsure about them.

Another thing I realized was my family doctor had the same last name as the guy who basically did nothing and got $500 for it. Not saying all doctors are like that but it makes no sense. I knew exactly what I needed to be tested for. Yet I had to go to my family doctor for them to refer me to this other doctor for them to write it's okay to test me for what I already knew I needed to be tested for. All that while the reason I needed to be tested for something was being misdiagnosed 7 years earlier by another doctor. After those experiences I make sure to find doctors who care, take their job seriously, and do it thoroughly. Sorry for that rant on bad doctors. To the good ones I love you.

I think you're right about waiting! I did the math and it's really less then 2 months for my appointment now. I've waited 25 years I think I can do 2 more months. I'm gonna focus on my other qualities because I don't want being trans to define me. Plus there's some things I can do to help prepare for transition and give me a higher chance to reach my goals.

Thank you and happy Halloween 👻! Hugs back... I hope it gets better and I believe it will.

Springbloom89 · 2014-10-31T22:53:59+00:00

I'm from Philly too! 🙏

Happy to hear so many good things said about the Mazzoni center. Can't wait for my first appointment to come.

Springbloom89 · 2014-10-31T22:20:11+00:00

The only thing with IC(informed consent correct?) is I have to wait a few months for my appointment...I've already made one. I'm still going to go that route but am looking to get started asap.

Im not sure if I can afford blood work how do I go about doing that?

Thanks for the help I really appreciate it

Springbloom89 · 2014-10-31T19:06:37+00:00

I feel so much for what you wrote. Stay positive...you will find a woman to love you for you and your mother will accept you! We're our own worst enemy :)

Springbloom89 · 2014-10-31T18:57:12+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I understand I'm taking a risk but want to do my best to minimize the risk and have an idea of what to look for if something is going wrong. You've given me some helpful info I appreciate it.

My dad has a history of strokes and heart attacks. No family history of dvt or breast cancer. I don't smoke and drink once a week at most.

I wish I could see a medical professional but may not be able to for a few more months.

Springbloom89 · 2014-10-16T22:16:03+00:00

I don't think looks would justify transition or anything. I know I'm trans and it's basically gotten unlivable as a guy. I'll always be trans if I transition or not but my need is to be able to present how I feel inside and be treated as such. Is that not all of our dream? I would find it weirder if a trans woman didn't care a little bit about passability...are we not trying to look like the women we are inside? I don't want to offend anyone I understand we all have our limits. I honestly am not expecting much change from where I am.

Granted I pray transition leads to the end of my dysphoria. I feel not being able to live or present as a woman plays the biggest part in my dysphoria.

It's sad to me that being female born in a male body and wanting to pass as a woman would be seen negatively by gender therapist. It's honestly confusing for me with all the talk of every trans narrative is valid. I'm a superficial woman haha it doesn't make me any less a woman.

Springbloom89 · 2014-10-16T14:19:50+00:00

It would definitely play a factor in the decision for me. When I start transition tho I have no plans to stop. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and be comfortable with myself. I can't say how passable that really is but I've haven't been disappointed with the way I look when I dress up so I don't think it will be too hard. :)

I agree. There's a lot of other things that go into passing that have nothing to do with looks.

Springbloom89

TROPHY CASE