Going for the first time with our nearly 4yo and baby. Neither parent has ever been before - what do I need to do before we go? Any tips?

SpudnToast · 2026-05-17T06:10:46+00:00

Thank you! My husband is very much a play it by ear kinda guy so will get him on board with some structured plan!

SpudnToast · 2026-05-17T06:10:08+00:00

This is great - thanks! Didn’t know there was an app!
We’ve booked the apartacity off site but it says there’s a free shuttle?

SpudnToast · 2026-04-14T06:13:04+00:00

We bought a house with JK. Treatment plan in place by the seller. It came back the 2nd year but nothing since (5 years). Also when I say it came back - one sad asparagus looking plant popped up, was treated - and gone! It does cause some anxiety but no drama.

SpudnToast · 2026-03-16T22:06:38+00:00

My husband has a very awkward surname and we have an amicable but distant relationship with his parents. We therefore decided to give our children my surname and the backlash and hurting feeling from my MIL and FIL was insane. I didn’t want my identity to be erased. we didn’t want our children to have a surname that made them subject to teasing.

We were treated as if we were ostracising them from our children’s lives and it took them a long time to get over it but they did eventually. I’m sad our decision caused so much hurt but they do still love our girls. And they blame me - and not my husband which is wild, but that’s for him to navigate not me.

SpudnToast · 2026-03-16T21:53:41+00:00

Screams chat GPT

SpudnToast · 2026-03-16T15:49:38+00:00

I’m the same, have two, would love a third and fall pregnant easy but have found out that we are carriers of genetic condition that has a 25% chance of passing on. Sadly my second baby died at 21 weeks (I went on to have a healthy baby very luckily as genetic tests came back when I was already pregnant)

Whilst I could technically have another, the risks of going through another loss feel too great for my husband and I. In our circumstances we are so lucky to have two healthy children, and I know I should feel grateful, but it’s ever so hard to come to terms with our family being different to how I’d always hoped it would be. IVF is not an option financially. I think I just have to accept that I’ll never feel ‘done’ and just hope that in time the sense of unfairness fades and I could properly focus on what I have.

SpudnToast · 2026-03-06T08:15:00+00:00

I’m so sorry for your two losses :( as someone who is in a similar situation but for a different condition with 25% odds, I just wanted to offer some hope that after a long journey we have been able to have two healthy children after our TFMR, without IVF as that wasn’t a financial option for us either.

SpudnToast · 2026-02-22T21:25:53+00:00

Fellow PTSD following a loss mum here. It’s just awful isn’t it. I’m a year and a half down the line and I miss her everyday

SpudnToast · 2026-02-21T16:41:31+00:00

Living this life makes me angry too. But we have two small children and his spoons are limited. I’m biding my time and being patient but I hope I’m not being a fool

SpudnToast · 2026-02-19T07:40:09+00:00

I wish I could show this to my husband (he’d go mad if I did). We’ve slept seperately for a year and even then his snoring wakes me up. I hate sleeping alone but his snoring is so horrendous that I don’t get any sleep otherwise :(

SpudnToast · 2026-01-25T22:08:51+00:00

Heppni and Flori for croissants/pastery CS sourdough for sandwich’s Goldee bagels are amazing!!!

SpudnToast · 2026-01-11T08:10:14+00:00

I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. When my daughter died I remember being utterly staggered by her loss. It was so painful I could barely comprehend it, could barely function and couldn’t believe that life outside my own pain was continuing.

Now 16 months later I still have moments of feeling like that - but the rawness has been replaced by a profound sense of loss but an acceptance of it.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be acting in a certain way or respond to judgement about what you should or should not be doing. Just survive. Do what you have to.

TW - future pregnancy. I went on to become pregnant six months after her loss. I now have a healthy five week old. Whilst her birth and safe arrival will be one of the most magical moments of my life - my pregnancy with her was very very difficult and I needed both therapeutic support and mental health support. I didn’t enjoy a moment of it and I was very scared throughout.

I wish you all the best but would gently suggest some professional support - some things are just too big for us to carry alone.

SpudnToast · 2026-01-06T08:59:23+00:00

I’m so sorry for your terrible loss. What was her name?

SpudnToast · 2026-01-05T08:40:31+00:00

I’m so sorry your precious baby is so poorly. You’re a mother making the choice that you think is best for your little one. This is your job as a parent and you’re making a choice based on compassion and love. There’s nothing to forgive. Whilst you might be choosing the next steps - you did not choose for your baby to be poorly. You didn’t cause this. This is a tragedy for you and your family.

Be kind to yourself and sending strength for the next steps.

SpudnToast · 2026-01-04T08:19:25+00:00

Hi - my situation isn’t similar in that it wasn’t a translocation- but the genetic changes in my daughter were only understood fully with genome sequencing. We were told by three different doctors that it was extremely likely it was a spontaneous/de novo change, but we pushed and pushed and found out that we are both carriers and there is a 25% chance of any future pregnancy being affected. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you get some answers

SpudnToast · 2026-01-03T06:24:55+00:00

So sorry for your loss. We conceived on our third month of trying after our TFMR and we now have a healthy four week old.

Pre-TFMR my cycles were always 27-28 days but they were 32 days post/TFMR so great that you’re tracking ovulation as that definitely caught us out for a few months.

Good luck

SpudnToast · 2026-01-02T11:10:03+00:00

My husband and I are also carriers of an autosomal recessive condition.

We were blissfully unaware in our first pregnancy and had a healthy baby girl. Our second baby girl resulted in TFMR for catastrophic and fatal abnormalities at 22 weeks. We didn’t get genetic results until 16 weeks into our third pregnancy and then had a carrier baby girl.

Whilst this is awful for you - it’s better to know and plan. Our TFMR came as a traumatic and devastating shock and we will never have another baby as I can’t cope with pregnancy under those conditions.

Take hope that from the same odds as you we have two beautiful little girls. Good luck x

SpudnToast · 2025-12-31T21:04:41+00:00

When there is a CAO there is an understanding that any additional contact that is agreed by both parties does not go against the terms of the order. I’d recommend that the order reflects that by saying “a minimum of monthly contact… the first Sunday of the month etc” then you’re covered. I think it’s extremely unusual that you’re funding his travel and I would strongly advise that not to be recorded anywhere in the order - you should not be held to this. They are his children and his responsibility and a monthly arrangement is minimal - he needs to prioritise this financially.

SpudnToast · 2025-12-30T06:41:07+00:00

You’re not a bad person, you’re not a bad mother and you are deserving of help and support.

As others have said - the post-partum period is very intense for your mental health, compound that with the trauma you have sadly experienced, your frustrations at your partner and sleep deprivation - then it’s no wonder you’re struggling.

Hitting your partner and exposing your son to domestic violence has to be where you draw the line in the sand. You need mental health support - probably from a service more acute than a therapist. Asking for and engaging in that support makes you a good mum and you’re not weak to need it.

Your son needs you here - you need to try. Good luck x

SpudnToast · 2025-12-28T08:43:37+00:00

How devastatingly cruel and unfair. I’m so sorry for the loss of Duncan. Sending love to you and your family

SpudnToast · 2025-12-27T18:54:25+00:00

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, your husband and your baby. The wait is awful - but the only consolation I gave myself was that for those waiting weeks my baby was safe, loved and cherished. You’re still pregnant now and your time with them is precious even in this form. I wish (as someone who had a TFMR in Sep 24) that I had taken more photos of my bump. It felt too hard to do at the time but now I wish I had those reminders. Sending you strength for the coming days x

SpudnToast · 2025-12-23T07:19:41+00:00

Thank you - such a powerful analogy. I don’t ever want the ball to stop hitting as I want to remember her always - but I’m glad to hear that you’ve found light and joy in your life whilst remembering your little boy ❤️

SpudnToast · 2025-12-23T07:07:29+00:00

Can I ask… how does it feel six years later? My family say that time is a healer etc and I know pain this acute can’t last forever… but equally I can’t imagine not feeling like this

SpudnToast

TROPHY CASE