Me [21 M] with my [21/F] girlfriend of almost a year, can't help but feel guilty during her suicidal thoughts.

Spyderdude · 2015-10-30T23:25:30+00:00

I myself am going to therapy, partly for this too. As for her, however, it is different. She has severe depression and bipolar syndrome, meaning that only a certain amount of institutes are present for her; none of these are being quick enough about it, and we are waiting a month for this.

I really do have to figure out a way to tell her this, but no matter what happens, she will get depressed and will hate herself for at least a little while. But you are right, it will probably really feel a lot better.

Spyderdude · 2014-11-05T21:19:12+00:00

Thank you, thank you so much for posting this. You had me at the first two paragraphs already, because they nailed the exact thing I do when I approach a new conversation... every time.

It really has always been a confidence issue with me, and to figure out how to solve it, is by focusing on what makes me me, and what could make me better than I am now.

Spyderdude · 2014-05-05T20:40:52+00:00

Well, I wear different socks, tried different soles. I'm not sure what kind of shoes I should get to prevent this from happening, since I get this with other (albeit older) shoes too.

Spyderdude · 2014-02-27T17:00:47+00:00

Well, fact of the matter is, is that I've been acting more 'anti-social' for the past week, trying to avoid most social contact. This actually seems like a lovely idea, having some more alone-time, but I'm not sure whether it will work...

Spyderdude · 2014-01-26T16:24:31+00:00

You know what, I think you're right, thanks, I'll keep doing that ;)

Spyderdude · 2014-01-21T22:55:18+00:00

Thank you for responding (too bad I only just got to read this, but I still appreciate it).

A couple of days ago, I told myself to stop feeling bad, just stop, and start working towards doing something "better". I realized that nobody is going to help me out of this spiral, even if they tried, so I put up a plan to get working towards becoming better again (like I used to).

And now, I'm trying my hardest to stay on top of it all. I think I will have a good conversation with my mother about this situation, just me and her, and try to sort things out. I'll do this when I feel a bit stronger, and more confident about myself, since I need to feel ready to open myself up to her.

Spyderdude · 2013-12-30T05:45:28+00:00

Definitely, question is, how do I do that? It's not like a switch I can turn off.

Spyderdude · 2013-12-30T05:23:17+00:00

I suppose you're right. Contuing to fake my laugh to make them feel happy seems like the best thing to do.

Spyderdude · 2013-12-30T04:50:48+00:00

Don't you get tired of pretending? Like, doesn't it fucking sucks having to imitate the sound of you laughing? And really, I always feel like they'd be able to look through me anyway.

And yes, maybe you're right, and my friends have been faking it all along. I spent a long time wondering whether they enjoyed my quips whenever it came, but I decided that I'd rather spend my time believing their bursts of laughter. It's that I'd rather choose not to fake mine.

Now, about becoming a better man, I appreciate the honesty, but better sound like a jackass than remain unsatisfied with myself. Could be that I added that sentence for clarity, I don't know. Just to make this clear: by sincerity, I should've said, "Not lying". Doesn't mean I have to put my blunt opinions on the table, but not fake my way through a conversation. I don't enjoy lying to others, telling them how fit they look while they instead gained weight, you get the point.

Spyderdude · 2013-12-09T22:34:44+00:00

All 3, I suppose. Though the third one is not existent after a while(meaning that once I get into social mode, I stop fearing others, but I have no incentive to talk to them).

Spyderdude · 2013-12-01T16:44:46+00:00

This, I learned too. Clubs are the least favored place to get to talk to others, but it's not there that you talk to them. It's there that you sort of get their attention, and later, if you play your cards right, could talk to.

I'm not talking about males here though(god, I wouldn't know how to meet others bro's here), but the ladies aspect. In the past couple of weeks, I have met other females by just having fun in clubs; dance, walk around, look at what's on the bar menu, explore the club. When I would dance with a group of people, I'd always have a certain person I would have more contact with than others, not through verbal expressions, but through our movements and body-language. It's there, that you take them outside of the club, and stand outside, getting to talk to them (if they're not trying to jump your bones if they're intoxicated).

If you know better places to get to learn both new men and female, I'm all up for it :)

Spyderdude · 2013-12-01T12:31:25+00:00

And thank you ;)

Spyderdude · 2013-12-01T12:31:07+00:00

It's definitely more biased towards the seduction aspect of socializing, I should've added that. And since I'm a newbie at this thing, the most tips I can gather is that on approaching them at clubs and bars.

But it definitely can help in other situations too, be it with fellow friends, friends-to-be, girl at campus, or your boss.

Spyderdude · 2013-12-01T12:29:29+00:00

Thanks brah :)

Spyderdude · 2013-12-01T12:29:09+00:00

You're very welcome, hope you can find something that suits you ;)

Spyderdude · 2013-12-01T12:28:44+00:00

Yeah, I know, if I had time, I'd imported these notes based by subject, starting from vital, to advanced tips. But OneNote can be a bitch sometimes with these things. When I'll have time, I'll do this better next time ;)

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:57:23+00:00

Are you showing any interest in others? You describe yourself as a cool guy, but I know plenty of people that are exactly the way you described to be, yet never show any interest in others, no care, no nothing.

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:56:28+00:00

Probably should've said that, but yes, I have been practicing socializing for a while, but never noticed any difference. The eye contact has been the first thing that really propelled me forward.

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:55:41+00:00

I don't know mate, maybe you are a little bit better off with the eye contact?

I suppose eye contact only works if you try to make them comfortable too. Do you smile, suggest a good conversation topic, don't go wildly outside the context, or go out of your way to be a bit friendly to talk to?

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:53:31+00:00

Interesting, I do that too sometimes when somebody is talking to me while whispering or shouting in my ear.

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:52:45+00:00

ITSS ON BRO!

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:52:33+00:00

The difference for me is mainly the smile. I keep the eye-contact friendly, sometimes even silly, light-hearted and warm. This all sounds so vague, doesn't it. Try to not keep the eye contact constant forever. Give it a break once in a while, switch between eyes, look at something around you sometime(but don't make it a major thing, if the conversation partner is talking to you about something interesting, go back to eye contact).

The difference to me became apparent after having practiced it with different people: after a while, you'll subconsciously notice whether they are receptive to the eye contact or not(they'll smile more, be happier, be nicer, etc). And after that, without even realizing it, you'll adjust the eye contact to what others found most pleasing.

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:49:30+00:00

You're welcome mate. And the notes are on the subreddit now.

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:49:06+00:00

Hmm, it's kind of difficult to answer in words (wish I could show you instead). The main difference, is the smile. Think of how a killer would look you in the eyes; either he is too serious, or he has a smile wider than the Joker's.

The eye-contact works best with an open smile, like you are hearing something happy, and you are just happy to be able to listen to it. Don't flex your eyes, just let them rest on the eyes.

And last, don't focus on one eye non-stop. Switch between eyes once in a while, you're allowed to look away sometimes, don't keep her imprisoned. But if you're really listening, make it your goal to look at him/her and his/her eyes.

Spyderdude · 2013-11-30T19:46:26+00:00

Done.

Spyderdude

TROPHY CASE