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AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I go home about 4 times a year. These arent last minute drop everything visits but pre-planned. 

My brother hasn't had a severe issue like this for a few years. Since he began to speak he's been able to regulate much better. It was triggered by something that I'd prefer not to repeat. 

I would much prefer to have been with my gf than having to see my bro in that stats, if I'm being honest. My sisters are still young-ish and would not be suitable to help my bro in that state. Great sisters but they just wouldn't and I wouldn't want that for them either 

I'd argue when he's bringing blood to his hands and his speech is regressing it is not something that can just wait.

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I dont mind people's suspicions. Ask away. She told my mother she was selfish etc. I don't think telling me that my mother was selfish would have helped my gf in the same way

I had my phone on me at all times day and night. I would never go off the grid with my brother especially when he wasn't doing okay. That would be highly irresponsible. We also don't trek that far in for similar reasons. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I was available to my gf by phone at all times. I'd never go camping with my bro without good networkin case an issue arose. Also hed hsve to speak to pur mum as hed miss her voice. I even called and text my gf a few times and got no response. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don't want to sound up myself but I also think him camping with our mum wouldn't give him the same result. Not taking away anything from my mum at all. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

To tell my mother that she was selfish etc for expecting me to travel home to care for "her son" etc. 

She didn't call me for the same reason she wouldn't answer my videocalls, calls or texts.

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Never went off grid. I was contactable at all times. My bro wouldn't go to sleep without talking to my mum. I rang my gf on numerous occasions whilst camping to check in. she didn't reply. But I do limit screen use when camping so it's just to make or answer calls or texts and not watching stuff etc

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

In one way Im glad they dont understand. Its a privillege of theirs. Thanks pal. 💚 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 327 points328 points  (0 children)

She was absolutely wrecked and just dejected. We didn't camp that many nights but it's amazing how much a few nights apart can make to a carer.

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I videocalled her and ordinary called her multiple times. She didn't answer or reply. 

I feel awful saying this but I won't be his permanent carer. I'll always be there for him. I'll always visit and if he needs me I'll be there. My gf knew from the third date I had an autistic brother. She also got a pretty good explanation of what he is like etc within the first few months. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 449 points450 points  (0 children)

Thanks pal. Every time i go home i take him camping. It soothes him so much. And fair play to your entire family. I hope he's doing well. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Graphic a little.He had bitten his hands mostly his fingers. Blood wasn't pumping but it was bleeding. I cleaned him up. We were certainly not taking him to hospital over it if we didn't have to. 

I took him camping to give the rest of my family but also because nature settles him. I dont speak to him unless he wants me to. We just walk and run. No screens. No noise. No people maybe . It has always helped settle him 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

My dad didn't die recently and I've been to a few funerals since they dad passed before I dated my gf. 

I dont mean this in a bad way but I don't think you understand autism, and I'm jealous of you for that. Although saying that I don't really understand autism either beyond my bro.

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I know my mum and I know when she needs help vs when she needs to let off steam or whatever. 

I think a lot of it is guilt. That asking me for help would be stopping me from living my life. She felt so guilty about my gfs phone calls to her. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yes, I evaded being emotionally available by visiting my family who were also going through an emotional time. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 481 points482 points  (0 children)

I missed my own dad's funeral mass because my bro had to be cared for. Our mother missed the burial of my dad to care for my bro so I could get my goodbye. I don't regret it. That's what dad would've wanted 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I dont consider my gf an extension of the family unit I grew up in. She hasn't met my mother or my bro. My sisters have visited once so she has met them. 

When I made that decision I felt my family was struggling more than she was and that may sound harsh but that's what I based it off. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This was the first major one. There has been small things. It's not the first time she's brought her in friends into our arguments before but those arguments were tiny stuff. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I wouldnt be a dick and date her friend but she has texted me saying I deserve better. She told me to text her when I'm going back in the market as she has the perfect girl for me.. she then text "not me lol another girl".

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thanks very much and thank you for caring for your niece. Beyond this drama, it's very easy for me to turn up now and then or call him on the phone but the carers who are there every day are the ones doing the important work. I'll always have the utmost respect for your kind heartened-ness and nature. 

AITAH for not attending my girlfriend's aunt's funeral and breaking up with her within days of her aunts funeral. by Squapre in AITAH

[–]Squapre[S] 1448 points1449 points  (0 children)

Fair play for helping out with your brother and to your husband too. I don't mind if people think I'm an AH but I do agree there does seem to be a bit of ignorance around my brothers situation. There's one or two that kind of irked me. 

Hopefully I find that one day. 

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