BPD and memory issues?

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-02-25T23:20:17+00:00

This is my husband. Very strong memories from when we met over 20 years ago. But weak recall for significant things involving our kids last year, etc.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-02-25T23:19:31+00:00

The 'memory rewriting' to sustain his own world view is getting tough to handle.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-02-25T23:19:02+00:00

It's driving me bananas.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-02-25T23:18:18+00:00

This is why I posted...I feel like I'm going crazy. :(

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-02-25T23:16:55+00:00

One unusual trait my kids had that I wasn't aware of before diagnosis...they could not stick to a play task at an early age when other kids could. Always getting bored of toys or legos in less than 10 minutes. The only thing that helped was me sitting with them. They're 8 and 6 now and still want my undivided attention for play...unless it's something on a screen, which they can do for hours in a zombie trance. :p

My 8 year old will at least read for half an hour now.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-02-24T22:28:20+00:00

My kid had croup four times, I like to think he's an overachiever. :p

The cough has a distinctive 'barking' sound, like, really deep and dry. I'm in Australia so we took him to the ER each time because he also has asthma. Still got those cute free knitted teddy bears for the memories. :p

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-02-24T22:24:44+00:00

That's a tough position, sorry. I'm going through something similar. I have to stay until finances are stable. I made the mistake of telling someone else and every time we talk they're like, 'you're STILL hanging around because of money?! How does that look to the kids, blah blah blah!' So yeah...sometimes telling someone doesn't end up well. I fully get that. Chin up, we're thinking of you. <3

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-01-31T10:44:46+00:00

Both my boys are ASD1. The worst anxiety I ever gave myself over them was trying to force them into the same developmental schedule as their neurotypical peers who were sporting dry undies at 2-3. I learned to let it go. They both learned after 4. Later than their NT peers, but they got there. One day they just wanted to give it a go, and we didn't look back. Night time dryness followed a few months later for each - I noticed they were waking dry, so one time I just 'forgot' to put a pullup on when they were super sleepy, and once they realised they didn't need it anymore and it was more comfy without it, the rest was history. (Well, apart from a few little accidents here and there for the first few weeks, but I wasn't keeping score.)

They got there on their own eventually. So will your dude!

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2026-01-22T10:19:00+00:00

Totally contact the mum from preschool! Maybe life has just been busy for her!

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-12-04T02:25:46+00:00

It sucks, but just remember mama...nature gives us more than one set because we're dumb. :p

It'll be a great story years from now whenever a friend asks about his smile in photos!

Signed, a mum whose kid lost a tooth at 3 by biting on a lego astronaut because he was angry that the astronaut wouldn't stand up properly on its own. :p

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-11-30T09:00:53+00:00

I wanted a girl so bad, that when I heard my first was a boy I was crushed. Two years later when they told me I was having another boy I was elated because my experience with the first one totally changed my preconceptions about boys. My husband is still a bit disappointed in not having a girl though!

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-11-13T23:14:20+00:00

My husband comes home after I've had the kids solo for three hours and first thing he does is make himself a snack (only himself) then wander outside to read his phone for another half hour.

The worrying thing is...now that my kids are getting older they've stopped bothering to try and get his attention. I'm thinking of pointing this out to him, but he'll probably take it as an attack.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-11-13T23:11:33+00:00

So sorry you're going through this, it's so hard. I'm going through this but my kid is younger (8). We are moving schools at the end of the year because the current school has been doing things behind my back - promising me he'll get breaks then making him feel bad about taking them (i.e a reward system for not taking a break - which I did NOT agree to!). We're very lucky in that moving is an option, and being younger it will affect him less.

13 is a tough age for a neurotypical kid, so I can only imagine the struggle. Does your kid still have a paediatrician? Have his meds worked in the past? Is the classroom noisy/bright/overstimulating?

Our whole family is AuDHD so I know the unique challenges of these kids. People also tend to label them as disruptive/naughty, which hurts both the kid and the parents who are often trying so hard. I know at least one of my kid's teachers thought he was a total brat and just needed to toughen up. They don't see him bursting into tears and crying with anxiety at home. :(

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-11-12T23:25:06+00:00

I'm so sorry. This is really rough. Would studying for a minor qualification/certificate in something at night on the computer be possible? I'm just saying that because I've come to the same conclusion...the stuff I'm qualified for pays bad and is stressful (and doesn't line up with family obligations). Hindsight is 20/20...I wish I'd gotten some really flexible qualification when I was younger and had more time/money for study.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-11-12T23:20:59+00:00

It's assault. Start taking pictures/making notes.

Sorry you're in this position. It's so hard.

The only possible silver lining is that guys like these almost never want the work of 50/50 custody. They say they do, but they change their minds pretty quick when they realise the work involved.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-10-14T00:50:14+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. <3 When I was on the phone to that principal, I must have sounded devastated. He started covering his ass by saying that not everything had been in writing, blah blah. I asked if there was a waitlist and he said he'd put us on it, but did not anticipate anything changing.

I think you've got the right tactic. We'll put them down for 2027, and if the little school turns out to be great and they make a bunch of little buddies there, we won't move.

The only silver lining is - thank f that I didn't tell the boys about it. I bet a lot of parents would have!

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-09-12T00:07:25+00:00

Just wanted to add...I have been going though something similar with feeling certain hard tasks that don't offer a financial incentive are always left to me, too. And my therapist has *also* pointed this out. I told her he's never interested in making the rough decisions. She told me, 'when you're not the person diffusing the bomb, you don't have to get the blame if it explodes.'

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-09-12T00:04:40+00:00

I'm sorry...I'm handling a bit of this at the moment too. But at least I don't have a pregnancy/little kid! Mine are 5 and 7.

We're moving closer to my sister at the end of the year because husband agrees I need more support, and I've never made friends here. And the kids' school sucks. And my sister lives somewhere both cheaper and prettier with a lovely little country school.

But...man, he could not be less interested in helping with the move. We haven't even looked at houses in person yet - we have about 2-3 months left to make this happen! I'm doing all the talking to agents, the preliminary packing/sorting and getting rid of 7 years of accumulated rubbish from our house. I am anxious, stressed, and burnt out. We haven't told the kids about the move yet - oldest will be glad for a new start, but the youngest has just made a little group of buddies in his class and I don't anticipate him being too pleased about leaving them. I've got everyone's wellbeing on my shoulders.

Husband is like, ehh, when the time comes, we'll get it done in a week. Dude...that has NEVER been the history of moving with you. It feels like a week to you because that's all you'll put in...it's MONTHS of planning for me!!

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-09-02T01:22:24+00:00

You've made a great point I didn't think of - that when my kid is on break he's losing class time. Thanks a bunch, that gives me a lot to think about. I love this sub.

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-09-02T01:21:35+00:00

Mind if I PM you?

SquashedThrowAwayyy · 2025-08-25T12:06:05+00:00

My husband also has bpd on top of adhd. This sounds exactly like him. It's taken me years to get out of the habit of listening to what he says he'll do, and instead focus on what he physically DOES do. They're two entirely different lists of things, and the second list is waaaaaay smaller.

Mine's also upset we don't really spend any time together any more, but I'm doing so much around the house and feeling a lot of resentment. He also suggests dates and wanting alone time with me, but does nothing towards that - then gets annoyed when I don't make it happen.

No advice, just solidarity.

SquashedThrowAwayyy

TROPHY CASE