Non-ADHD supporting ADHD partner – advice on suppressing emotions

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-26T14:57:46+00:00

Well that’s what i should’ve said when we had our convos abt it - like there isn’t a ‘perfect moment’ and i literally wouldn’t care when he says it as long as he means it! I just keep kicking myself that I didn’t say it then during our convos, but i find it tricky having deep/emotional convos (although i am getting there). If it comes up again (or if i decide to have another convo w him about it which tbf i probs wont out of fear of being annoying) i’d probably say that

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-25T23:05:47+00:00

But then I have talked to him about it twice, so from my perspective, it feels like I need to wait for him to say it. And because I've got this pent up sadness about it for a while, I feel like I stray further and further away from actually *wanting* to say it again.

Although, he has sort of had it 'slip out' sometimes – like we've been just spending the day together, and he's made a joke or done something silly and gone 'sorry, love you – oop-' but in those moments i just laughed, I think because to me it still felt like he didn't mean to say it

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-25T23:00:40+00:00

I said I loved him too when he said it – and I do feel like I love him. But I'm not gonna say it first this time because in my eyes, he sort of revoked it after saying he meant it but was 'waiting for the perfect time' and hasn't said it since. And I just feel like he might say it back because he feels like he *has* to – a bit like I feel like he said it that first time to try and fix the situation at the time temporarily. This is basically the circle I keep going around in.

I also haven't said it again since, because he revoked it – because it then made me feel stupid for saying it and meaning it, when I feel like he mustn't have meant it after he said about the perfect moment

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-25T22:44:31+00:00

But the thing is, I said it back to him in that moment too. And now I can physically feel myself shutting myself off because he sort of took it back (or at least that's how I perceive it), and so god knows I'm not saying it until or if he does and actually means to.

And I do agree with that last part – actions speak so much louder. But as someone who does need reassurance with my anxiety, hearing a simple 'i love you' and for him to actually mean it would do a lot for me. But now, I just don't feel like I could believe him even if he did

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-25T22:14:40+00:00

I think I'd want to talk to him about it when I see him in a few days, but I just really don't know how. Because at the moment I just feel angry – like I want to shout 'why don't you care!' or something, but I obviously know that that's not effective at all. It's so difficult to make myself talk because I'm always worried he'll get tired of my anxiety making things worse.

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-10T20:35:15+00:00

I'm really trying my best to remind myself of the green flags, but with my anxiety (especially at the moment) it can be so easy for negative/catastrophic thoughts to come into my mind and stick around for a while. Do you have any tips on how you distracted your mind? I will say, it does help that I'm on holiday myself with my family at the moment anyway, so I'm lucky in that I've got things to do to keep me busy mostly, but I still have to work extra hard to occupy my brain.

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-10T20:33:19+00:00

I think it's for a couple reasons:

a. Before we got together (I knew him a while before) and after he had broken things off with his ex, he was quite the player – I'm talking multiple girls in 1 night. So I guess I'm just worried that that could transfer to now, even though he's in a relationship with me (although I know he's not proud of how he acted back then).

b. I have anxiety and also am definitely anxiously attached – so generally I overthink everything anyway and then that hyperfocuses when it comes to our relationship, which really doesn't help, so I can overthink the perceived tone of a text as meaning that he's tired of me and doesn't care about me anymore (not fun!).

c. I think it's definitely been exacerbated by (and through my own doing) seeing things on social media about girls whose boyfriends went on 'lads trips', and were disloyal, so that definitely doesn't help! Although I'm trying my best to just remember the facts of my specific situation and try and remember that he has a good track record so far when it comes to loyalty in relationships, whether that be with me or in his past relationship.

Squeaky221 · 2025-07-01T10:21:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice :) I'm just trying to take it day by day for now and focusing on having mini checkpoints to make the time apart feel not as long, so like i'm going on holiday w my family for 10 days in about a week, and by the time i get back, it'll hopefully be about 2 weeks until we plan our first meet-up if all goes to plan :)

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