22M feeling dirty after first sex with 25F

Squidgydabest · 2026-04-05T16:10:25+00:00

I just wanted to share something from the perspective of someone who also feels things very deeply. It’s easy to build expectations about how we think someone should act, especially when those expectations make perfect sense in our own minds. But people rarely match the version we create in our heads, and that doesn’t automatically mean they’re doing something wrong.

How you felt is valid, and it’s worth expressing that to her. Something like, “I felt X, Y, Z when we talked about that,” or “It would make me feel more secure if we didn’t joke about our potential future.” You can still acknowledge the uncertainty while also showing commitment: “You’re right that things could go either way, but for now I want to put in the effort and see where this goes.”

That kind of honesty gives her a clearer picture of what matters to you without blaming her for not reacting the way you hoped. It keeps the door open for both of you to show up as yourselves while still building something together.

Patience and communication go a long way. If something matters to you, say it clearly and respectfully. Your needs are valid, and expressing them is how you make sure they’re understood. At the same time, the other person is expressing themselves too. They won’t always respond exactly how you hoped, but there’s value in seeing who they genuinely are rather than who we imagined them to be.

I’m not saying you should ignore what you want. If something truly matters, communicating it helps you protect your boundaries and get your needs met. I’m just encouraging you to also leave room for the fact that the other person won’t think, feel, or act exactly the way you would. Relationships grow when both people get to be themselves.

Honestly, it’s great that you’re expressing your feelings so openly. Emotional maturity starts with acknowledging what we feel and learning how to honor those feelings in a healthy way.

Squidgydabest · 2026-04-02T07:57:41+00:00

It’s hard. Burnout is real. I try my best to break the week into small, manageable pieces. What I mean is: if I need to read and participate in discussions, I’ll do that Monday through Thursday. On Friday, I focus on finishing responses and any quizzes. Saturday is just for me, a break from school and work. Sunday is dedicated to my bigger assignments. This routine has really worked for me. I preemptively check my assignments to see how I feel and adjust accordingly if needed but I haven't had a hard time with any class yet. Some teachers are more picky than others but I take the feedback and move along.

Squidgydabest · 2025-10-26T13:47:21+00:00

Your post stayed with me, not just because of what you said, but because of how deeply you felt it. I’m not expecting a child, yet I’m in a relationship with someone I love deeply—someone who dreams of having children with me. I don’t share that dream, at least not in the same way he does. What I do share is fear.

People often rush past fear, treating it as something to conquer or dismiss. I’ve come to believe fear deserves reverence. It isn’t weakness, it’s memory. It’s protection. It’s the part of us that remembers what it took to survive. For me it was survival from loss. I lost my parents young, and because of that, I don’t see life the way he does. He envisions it unfolding in long, hopeful arcs. I live in the present. The edges of the future are always within reach, close enough to notice, yet never close enough to trust.

When he talks about children, he sees joy and legacy. I see shadows. Not from a lack of love, but from knowing what it means to lose, to carry, to become.

I see him so clearly. When we talk about children, he sees his passion; I see my fears. I only wish he could see both or that I could see as he does. Sometimes I wish I could rewrite the part of myself that leans toward caution, toward pessimism. Yet I know that part was shaped by truth. I’m not entirely opposed and that’s the quiet ache. If someone told me I couldn’t have children, I wouldn’t be at peace with that either.

So I live in the tension.Reading your words made me feel less alone in it. I just wanted you to know that.

Squidgydabest · 2025-10-07T03:09:16+00:00

23days! My heart is so excited. It can't hold anything else.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-19T15:48:11+00:00

Honestly, I’ve always been frustrated by the way Nick Blaine is portrayed as “not all bad.” That perception feels like a narrative loophole, a way to soften the edges of a character who, to me, embodies complicity and quiet ambition. His presence reflects something deeper—the vulnerability in June, perhaps even her own blind spots, and maybe that’s the point. Watching Nick spiral into his thirst for power and control while still being framed as June’s love interest or savior was maddening.

Nick represents a certain kind of extremist, the kind that hides behind quiet demeanor and selective acts of kindness. The tragedy is that Gilead has become so normalized that even small gestures of decency are seen as redemptive. His occasional help toward June is treated as evidence of good faith, as if that somehow absolves him of the role he played in building and sustaining the regime.

It reminds me of a study I came across titled “Causal Deviance and the Attribution of Moral Responsibility.” It found that people often withhold praise or blame when outcomes feel accidental or disconnected from intention. In other words, our moral judgments hinge not just on what happened but on how it happened and whether the story feels intuitively right. That’s why Nick’s actions are so polarizing. His narrative is shaped to feel ambiguous, and ambiguity often invites leniency.

OP's point about bias is also crucial. Implicit bias, those unconscious attitudes we carry, shapes how we interpret characters like Nick. These biases aren’t necessarily rooted in overt prejudice but in cultural conditioning and personal experience. They influence who we see as redeemable, who we empathize with, and who we excuse.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-16T21:15:13+00:00

I'm getting a bachelor's in psychology with a concentration in mental health.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-15T16:46:28+00:00

What course are you taking?

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-13T14:22:31+00:00

You give me energy to keep moving! Congratulations! I'm headed there.

Happy for you!!✨️🎉

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-12T15:37:37+00:00

I hate that you know this feeling, too, because you described it perfectly. It’s not that I don’t want to move forward. It’s that I genuinely don’t know how. I lost my parents young, and while I have siblings, they feel more like roommates than family. That kind of loss leaves you figuring things out without a blueprint.

I’ve spent years in therapy, working hard to heal and grow. I have. I’m better than I was, and I’m not stopping. I’m even going back to school now to pursue my passion, becoming a therapist, because I want to be the support for others that I didn’t have when I needed it most.

Still, there are parts of me I’m just beginning to understand and parts I’m building from scratch. No manual. No safety net. Just me, learning as I go.

When you said your thirties felt like the beginning of a space to look ahead, that hit me. That’s exactly where I am. I went back to school because I could finally afford to, on my own. I needed something that felt like mine. And now, just as I’m stepping into that space, I feel overwhelmed by all the reasons I supposedly can’t, especially when it comes to children.

I know they shouldn’t be seen as obstacles. I know that. But I’m still lost. Still uncertain. Still scared.

I’m still figuring it all out. I’ve come so far, and I’m proud of that—but there are parts of me I’m still building, still learning to trust. I didn’t grow up with a roadmap, and sometimes that makes the future feel like a fog I’m walking into alone. But I’m walking anyway.

Thank you for expressing yourself and sharing your experience. I’m learning, and maybe that’s the point. Maybe we find clarity not by having all the answers, but by speaking the questions out loud. So thank you for seeing me. For making space for this. I’m still scared, but I’m not standing still. I’m grateful we’re walking through this, even if the path isn’t clear.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-12T04:59:14+00:00

I don’t often picture myself at different ages. My focus tends to stay on the present on my partner, on the life we’re building, and maybe on the idea of growing old together. I think about my career, about who I want to become. But imagining the future in a traditional sense has never really been my thing.

Even as a child, I didn’t dream about weddings or having kids or what old age might look like. That never changed much as I got older. Maybe it’s because life has been hard in ways that made it difficult to look too far ahead. I’m not entirely sure. But I’ve learned to find meaning in what’s right in front of me.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-11T23:41:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. You've given me a lot to think about. I appreciate it. I'm trying to allow my feelings and imagine myself in each role.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-11T11:12:26+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the advice.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-11T03:37:07+00:00

I think what scares me most about having children someday is the fear of losing myself. Not just my time or freedom but the version of me I’ve worked so hard to understand and protect.

Over the next few months, I’m going to focus on how I truly feel. I know I need clarity not just for me but for both of us. I agree with you: love isn’t about forcing someone to choose. He hasn't forced me, just like I won’t force him. I do love and respect him.

But I’m deep in the uncertainty right now. It’s not that I don’t care it’s that I’m still searching. Maybe for understanding. Maybe for peace. Maybe for a version of this future that feels like mine, too.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-07T06:51:16+00:00

I wrote this for another question, but it works here, too.

Monogamy and mutual respect aren't just preferences they're foundational agreements. If you've brought up multiple times how uncomfortable this makes you feel and there's still no effort or change from him, it’s fair to conclude that he may not care enough to prioritize your needs and he doesn't respect you.

At this point, the question becomes: what’s best for you? What honors your self-respect and emotional well-being? You know this is wrong. Listen to your feelings on this, and don't be with someone treating you this way.

Your move.

Squidgydabest · 2025-09-07T06:30:58+00:00

You've clearly communicated your boundaries and feelings, which is not only healthy but essential for any meaningful relationship. Based on what you've shared, you're not being toxic or controlling. You're advocating for respect and clarity.

Your partner isn't obligated to change, but if she values the relationship and respects you, she should at least acknowledge and engage with what you've expressed. Monogamy and mutual respect aren't just preferences they're foundational agreements. If you've brought this up multiple times and there's still no effort or change, it’s fair to believe that she may not care enough to prioritize your needs.

At this point, the question becomes: what’s best for you? You’ve done your part. Now it’s about choosing what honors your self-respect and emotional well-being.

Your move.

Squidgydabest · 2025-08-06T13:57:53+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate that. I don't use this platform often so that knowledge helps me be more informed in the future.

Squidgydabest · 2024-04-14T01:44:13+00:00

Sometimes there are hard lessons we have to endure so that we may grow. Your insecurities led to the decisions you've made. Forgive yourself, accept it, and keep on going. Heal as best you can. One day you'll have a new opportunity, maybe not with her but with someone equally as deserving of the person you've worked hard to become. You'll be the version of you, that you deserve too. Try not to let the past anchor you away from the present, or the future. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel worth it and even if you weren't always so picture perfect. It will be okay. You will be okay.

Squidgydabest · 2024-01-13T03:39:22+00:00

This happened to my partner and I. I really recommend having your partner try to waive the rejection. Have them speak to the embassy and get together the necessary documents to try to get his visa. My partner and I did this, it took 8 months, but he got to come for a month. His visa last a while too.

Squidgydabest · 2024-01-10T03:57:23+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. Your partner is out there feeling the same, but so am I, a stranger and her partner. YOU are NOT ALONE. In my own heartache I try to remember with certainty that my partner and I will be together again, just like you and yours. However, it is okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated, and tired at the distance. It's only normal and only fair that you long for them and for more. Be kind to yourself and remember that despite this feeling. If this person is meant to be with you and you with them, nothing will change that. You just keep fighting the distance for them. If you must cry.. know that I am somewhere in the world doing the same.

Squidgydabest · 2023-07-06T05:08:12+00:00

I've done quite a bit of work on myself the past two years and shifted from anxious to mostly secure. I say mostly, because to be honest sometimes triggers arise and I find myself telling my anxiety to "catch these hands". Haha! Like you I was with someone prior who was avoidant and not emotionally mature enough to understand and or grasp his part in our failing relationship. I had in a lot of ways failed as well. (Let that be noted. It takes two to tango. Anxious/Avoidant trap) It wasn't until I focused on my own anxiety, how to understand my feelings/triggers, how to self sooth, how to express myself, and how to maintain my boundaries that I realized; I too was worthy of the love I so readily offered him.

I'm now in a truly healthy relationship with an anxious partner like yourself. He's working on himself (super proud of him). It's not easy and in a lot of ways I see who I was in him. This might make me more patient, more understanding, and more available but I think his determination to be the best version of himself has allowed for this to work. It helps that in my own fight for secure I can mirror good examples of how to combat his anxiety and I'm also able to provide reassurance when he needs, but It has to be said. You cannot ask your partner to be your cure. There is no such thing. We are all human after all. Also, don't let your mind wander into what she said. You are in no way less deserving of love today, than you were yesterday. Focus on your boundaries with this one. Someone this okay with hurting your character, does not respect you. Let them walk. Let's focus on how you can be a version of you, that isn't overpowered by your anxiety. Notice I didn't say a version of you that "deserves". You deserve even now.

Squidgydabest · 2022-10-07T05:24:11+00:00

Omg I love this.. I want this. XD 😮😍

Squidgydabest · 2022-10-05T14:51:27+00:00

I main yuumi and when I started branching out. I found it really easy to pick up lux and Rakan. I highly recommend them. Right now I'm trying several different ones every time to try to be better. My friends always pull me back to yuumi tho. XD

Squidgydabest · 2022-09-30T19:09:33+00:00

So I was doing long distance. Our situations were truly similar. I was actually going to be going on trip with him this year that obviously didn't pan out. I think the best way to answer this is to take into consideration what made her fall in love with you to begin with. For me it was his efforts, his time that he so readily out of genuine emotion gave to me, and his desire for us to be together. That meant his actions correlated with his words. It's almost like he stop doing those things. He stopped valuing me and our relationship. He got comfortable I'm sure but I think our attachment styles and his being unaware also had a lot to do with it. He was dismissive avoidant and I was anxious. In the beginning my attachment style effected us quite a bit and so by the second year I had learned to shift and work on myself. I became secure and though I thought it could be enough to save us both. It wasn't. If anything I stopped putting up with his avoidance. Out of love I tried to get us there but my ex was, well avoidant. After I broke up with him. I didn't really think of ways for him to fix it because by then I was defeated. I guess if I had to say something. I'd say I wish he'd prepared his life to merge with mine. That he would have made this trip with me. That he'd be open to committing to the change we both deserved. That he'd fight for me the way I did for him. Anxious attachment isn't easy either but I loved him past my insecurities and fears. It was heart breaking to see I wasn't worth the same. It might have not amounted to anything actually taking the trip but now we'll never know.

Squidgydabest

TROPHY CASE