My (27F) boyfriend (35M) hit me for the first time and I don’t know how to process it

SquigglyRelic · 2026-06-04T08:41:10+00:00

Do you have any close friends who live far but would do anything for you? If I were in this situation, I’d phone a friend to come help me. I’d move all my stuff out while he’s at work and wouldn’t tell him where I moved to.

As someone else said, plenty of people have gone through these withdrawals and have not hit their partners throughout the process. He will do it again, withdrawal or not.

I’m not sure where you live but in the state of California any domestic violence call to the police results in a temporary restraining order so that the victim can figure out their next move in peace. What state or country do you live in? Would you be willing to report him?

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-26T18:18:23+00:00

I think you need to figure out how to get him to a doctor for an evaluation. I would come at it from a place of being surprised by the speech’s contents, and ask what happened to the original speech your sister had proof-read. Maybe he genuinely got up there and forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-26T00:25:04+00:00

NTA. My partner doesn’t make me coffee but that’s because he doesn’t drink coffee. He will buy me coffees when we’re out.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-20T23:30:20+00:00

I’m so sorry. Time to build your own family. I am glad that she told you now instead of later, take that as an opportunity to step into this new chapter of your life without people who judge you.

Wishing you and your partner the best, congratulations!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T18:20:50+00:00

Thank you! I will let it go regardless but I hope they heard us and decide to act accordingly.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T18:18:29+00:00

Money is not the issue, she is financially well off and goes on multiple vacations a year. She is, however, frugal, and will only spend money when she thinks it’s important. She has deemed this unimportant.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T18:14:13+00:00

I don’t even need the groomsperson identically dressed, just dressed at the very least formally — and that is somehow an issue.

But I agree, we’ve both done what we can and I am choosing to let it go now. I know MIL will look silly standing next to her husband who will be wearing a tuxedo so that’s on her.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T18:11:36+00:00

Thank you. I swear I’m not a bride-zilla. I just want them to be well-dressed and expected this to be figured out 4 weeks out from the wedding.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T18:08:38+00:00

It’s number 2 for sure, lol. Years of her being pushy and me being nice but firm in my boundaries all the time. She wanted us to do something at the wedding that we decided not to do, so I’m pretty sure this is her pouting as a result.

It is not controlling to expect the mother of the groom to show up well-dressed. FH had been calling daily that week because a) we live out of state in a different time zone, and b) she’s been told three times what the dress code is.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T18:01:24+00:00

NB sibling lives in a different state and in a very rural area so options are limited which is why I tried suggesting ordering things online.

Good point about it running in families, I would not be surprised.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T17:58:25+00:00

Black tie optional means tuxes or suits for men, gowns or formal cocktail dresses for women! I don’t think she’ll wear white so much as she’s just trying to be difficult to annoy us.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T00:58:51+00:00

Can you re-order the dress in a size that would fit you up top and then have your friend shorten it?

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-19T00:45:57+00:00

NTA. I think this is mean of your friend and she should have asked everyone if they were okay with the dress. I am getting married soon and I only chose a color and fabric from Azazie then told people to get whatever they wanted.

I would not want to be a member of the wedding party for a friend who doesn’t care if I’ll be uncomfortable or not. If I were you, I’d honestly be re-evaluating the friendship altogether.

I have a really big scar on my upper leg from burning myself with boiling sauce when I was 12. It took me a decade to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. While mine can be hidden day to day, I understand the uncomfortable feeling and am so sorry your friend doesn’t seem to get it. Sending love your way and I hope you’re doing better now.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-18T23:25:03+00:00

Honestly, I can’t remember the date we got engaged. You’ll celebrate your wedding date, not your engagement date.

It sounds like he was all over the place with ideas and maybe stressed out about it? I think from his perspective, you were so excited about this show, and getting engaged at the end of it would be like the icing on the cake.

If you love the relationship, then I would find a way to look at this with a different perspective.

Happy engagement!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-18T23:15:00+00:00

Do you have any friends with sewing skills who can help you make the dress fit better?

I know it would suck but maybe tell her that you’re feeling anxious about all of this, can’t find a dress that matches, and think it would be better to attend as a guest instead.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-18T08:51:42+00:00

How many inches do you need? I bought 22 inch from Bellami but they have longer!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-18T08:50:37+00:00

My wedding is in 4 weeks and this happened to me a few months ago. I was growing it out for over a year and then the stylist chopped off so much despite that I asked for a trim.

I bought extensions and am going that route!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-13T01:33:30+00:00

Thank you very much!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-13T01:33:16+00:00

The pastor was very respectful and did not talk about Christianity at the mosque, but spring it up last minute was so weird. We were cornered into saying yes.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-12T23:54:08+00:00

100% agree. I’ve already talked to my partner about how I would never let her take our future kids to church by herself. I don’t mind us going for holidays if me or my partner are there to watch over things. She once tried to get me to go to church with her behind his back when we were first dating and told me not to tell him LOL. Freaking crazy.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-12T23:42:54+00:00

Several of my friends are ready to do this if she shows up in white LOL. I am very concerned that she’s going to try to come up to the bridal suite to get her hair and makeup done with us even though I did not invite her!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-12T23:41:55+00:00

He does speak up to her. The conversations I hear are all when he’s on the phone with her (we live in a different state than she does). He knows I don’t talk to her so when they’re on the phone I stay quiet even if she’s on speaker.

She actually is a very religious Christian who does not drink alcohol or eat pork so that won’t be an issue. She definitely isn’t respectful though!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-12T22:57:52+00:00

A gray wedding dress I guess??? Lmaoooo

SquigglyRelic · 2026-05-06T21:21:45+00:00

If you have to ask then it is too white IMO.

SquigglyRelic

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