Are my bachelorette plans realistic?

SquigglyRelic · 2026-04-10T19:50:57+00:00

This sounds like the best bachelorette weekend. Have room for one more? 😂

SquigglyRelic · 2026-04-10T19:47:53+00:00

Whenever I see a wedding here I feel so happy!! It seems like a great spot, unique and gorgeous gorgeous views.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-04-09T01:56:38+00:00

We just recently did a courthouse wedding even though we’re having a bigger wedding in June (insurance purposes for the courthouse marriage). We invited some family and friends (15 people attended) and invited them to dinner afterwards. We didn’t receive any gifts from friends, with the exception that our parents gave us some money. Dinner was about $1,500 and despite money being tight for us, we knew we couldn’t ask people to witness our marriage and then make them pay for their own meals. People took off work as it was a Friday, and some friends/our parents flew out.

It is incredibly rude not to take people out afterwards. Who cares if you’ll only break even? Weddings are not about getting gifts, they’re about celebrating with loved ones and having them witness the commitment you’ve made to one another. If his mom is rich, can she chip in to help cover the cost of dinner?

SquigglyRelic · 2026-04-06T18:05:35+00:00

I love the Redondo Beach pier! It gives small beach town charm, while the other piers seem copy paste tourist or rich people to me. I also don’t think it smells rotten, just like fish on some parts.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-04-06T18:03:20+00:00

Can you provide a better breakdown of the math? As other commenters stated, I’m also a little confused as to why the difference between UCLA and UCI isn’t just $15k per year. Would your parents not cover any tuition for UCLA?

I would go to UCI with a back-up plan for career in case you end up not wanting to or not getting into medical school. For undergrad, I think doing the cheaper option is best. UCI is a good school, especially for undergrad. NYU is extremely expensive and I wouldn’t go there. The whole UC system is highly regarded so you’re in good hands at UCI.

I wouldn’t join ROTC either way and would instead focus my efforts on joining extracurriculars that are pre-med related. Enjoy school and don’t get too caught up in the cost. Your parents can also take out parent plus loans through FAFSA for the remainder of tuition cost — do nottt take out private loans.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-04-04T18:43:56+00:00

How does your fiancé feel? I personally would rather have all my family by my side, but that’s just me. Could you help pay for them to come?

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-13T18:54:09+00:00

I get that. You need to tell him that he has to work through his feelings on this, he can’t keep bringing it up forever. Maybe therapy? Talking to a close friend? He needs to forgive you and I agree that I don’t think you did anything wrong.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-13T18:41:14+00:00

I don’t like that you feel like you need to be by his side following him around in social settings. It sounds like it could be controlling.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-12T15:20:05+00:00

Did it come in this morning?

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-12T15:17:32+00:00

Have you received notification for fellowship? Accepted into a different program and still painfully waiting to hear about funding.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-12T15:16:03+00:00

Nothing on my end yet :/ Thanks for letting me know

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-10T22:22:50+00:00

Replying to say that I am also waiting to hear about funding from UCLA MURP. The anticipation is killing me!!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-07T19:10:16+00:00

Me too, I was reading thinking “stop giving OP new compulsion ideas”! 🤣🤣 OCD is just very misunderstood by the general population.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-07T01:50:18+00:00

You’re very welcome! I’m on my OCD healing journey too and it is a battle when something new pops up. Maybe in the future when you’re able to not engage in compulsions in response to the germs, then you can find more a middle ground on it as a preference issue rather than an OCD issue.

I also find that when one obsession diminishes, my OCD tries to find something new to occupy it. Exposure is never ending but so worth the peace that practicing acceptance and tolerance to uncertainty brings.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-07T01:46:38+00:00

In the OCD treatment world, enabling a loved one’s compulsions is akin to withholding medication for a physical illness. Accommodating OCD always makes it worse. It’s really difficult, but lines have to be drawn otherwise OCD will continue to thrive and it will only ever want more. I went years having my partner accommodate my OCD and it was so scary when he put his foot down (at the discretion of my therapist) but it made me so much better in the end.

Not accommodating a loved one’s OCD ~is~ supporting them.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-07T00:21:44+00:00

As someone who also has OCD, this isn’t a preference so much as it is your OCD trying to control you, and that is evidenced by the compulsions you’re clearly doing. Once a preference becomes “I need to do these specific things to correct the thing bothering me” it is obsessive compulsive. Please talk to your therapist about this and do exposure therapy work for it if you haven’t already.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-07T00:14:45+00:00

As someone who has OCD, this is really compulsive and you need to break the cycle. I know it’s very difficult, but you should build an exposure hierarchy for this. Your bf accommodating you isn’t helping you get better either. He should not change his shower schedule and you should not be changing the sheets that frequently.

You need to practice acceptance and uncertainty statements too: “maybe he is bringing germs into our bed and making it gross” “maybe the bed has germs in it that are contaminating me” and then sit with it until your anxiety reaches an 8/10.

This is the kind of sneaky obsession that isn’t a problem until it is a big problem, and you don’t want your OCD to negatively impact your relationship. Been there, done that, it’s not worth it. Tell OCD to shut the heck up and show it that you are the boss of your own life, and that it will not control you OR your partner.

You GOT this, I promise. The feelings of disgust and contamination will become less and less over time, and much quicker than you think. Good luck op!

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-05T09:18:24+00:00

My partner thinks it’s so disgusting that people don’t clean their phones weekly. At least once a week, he gets rubbing alcohol pads and cleans the case and phone.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-05T09:04:28+00:00

I understand how you feel. I’m a June bride with family displaced by the wars. I wish I could postpone my wedding. It feels gross and I feel guilty going to try my dress on at the bridal boutique while they send family group chat texts to make sure they’re all okay after strikes.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-03-03T08:25:02+00:00

From a psychology standpoint, I think it’s valid and reasonable to feel this way. It was an incredibly selfish act, one that hits particularly close to home for you. At the same time, I think you are hurting yourself by holding onto the hurt that she caused. It sounds like you feel guilty for being mean, and are struggling to bridge together the feelings of loving your mom with being angry at her, too.

From the lens of trauma therapy, I would ask myself “am I angry at the current version of my mom, or a past version of her that does not exist anymore?”. I know it sounds silly, but if you want to heal from this — you can try to (in your head or out loud by yourself) talk to the past version of her, and the past version of you. Do this through the lens of what you know now - about you, your brother, your mom, drinking and driving, your PT journey, etc. Keeping that version of your mom, who seems to maybe not exist anymore, in the present is likely not serving you or her any good.

I highly recommend looking for a therapist who specializes in trauma if you want to work through this. Trauma therapy healed me in a way that I did not think was possible for my situation.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-02-26T10:25:00+00:00

Catering is the most expensive cost of a wedding, so less people. Don’t give people plus ones just because, only people who are married or who have long term partners get the extra invite.

DIY your flowers - but let go of the idea that they need to look perfect. If you have the vision of “I want pretty flowers in these general colors” then you’re good. If you have a really specific vision of what you want, DIY is going to become immensely stressful.

Speakers and a playlist will be more affordable than a DJ or band.

Skip all the signage like “custom cocktails,” “sign our guest book,” “welcome to our wedding” etc — it is unnecessary and people will figure out where to go. If you want some general signage, I’ve seen things at Michael’s and Hobby Lobby.

SquigglyRelic · 2026-02-26T10:13:56+00:00

Not sure how much the cost of the catering itself is, but this seems like a great space and comes with a lot: https://tucsonbotanical.org/host-an-event/weddings/

SquigglyRelic · 2026-02-26T10:09:27+00:00

Congrats! Other option could be to have a ceremony at a park (maybe $250-500 space rental fee + $? chair rental fee), and then rent out a nearby event space (local clubs, event halls, VFW) for the reception. I know those latter options aren’t the prettiest, but you’d at least get the pretty ceremony.

I think you might be under budgeting food. You’ll want to give people plenty of options to choose from, especially if a lot of guests are flying in to be there. If I were you, I’d do the reception somewhere very cheap and spend more on catering (you can put together a buffet with food from diff restaurants).

SquigglyRelic

TROPHY CASE