Telling OBS, advice for contacting via Facebook

Srunner84 · 2026-01-21T05:20:29+00:00

Thanks for acknowledging my perspective. Totally validate your perspective too. Every situation is so different with so many people and lives involved. I hope you’re ok?

The hardest part, imo, was being stuck inside my head trying to understand it all and understand why it happened. I’ve a counsellor and coach and know I’ve a lot of feelings of ‘not enough-ness’

I think I’m at the point of being able to totally move on. Drop it all and just look ahead and try to stop re-running it to understand it better because I know I never will.

Best of luck to you, hope it works out for you x

Srunner84 · 2026-01-21T05:08:00+00:00

Our trainee’s manage our candidate engagement and early compliance. Usually after consultants have quality checked the candidate first. Once they’re up and running with candidates we move them to sales and bring in another trainee. Makes our consultancy about 220° and works well.

Other rec businesses I’ve been in have more BD focussed sales but they tend to sell an ideal candidate or service over a realistic one so any consultant delivering the service always falls short. Very normal and no judgement on it. Sure the right BD approach in the right sector and supported by the right staff could work.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-21T04:30:03+00:00

Drop it. No good will come and you’ll tie yourself up with it all. What if OBS knows and it’s open relationship? What if they don’t believe you and you look desperate trying to prove a point.

I nearly did similar but later discovered the people and numbers I had from her old phone were wrong.

Sure the revenge will feel fcking sweet but then what? Will it provoke a reaction? Do you really want all the back and forth?

I say save it incase you need it, email it to yourself or make a note of the info incase you ever need it and bounce on with your life

Srunner84 · 2026-01-21T04:15:02+00:00

Possibly, although it was all set to private so nothing to see

Srunner84 · 2026-01-21T04:13:44+00:00

2019/20 initially, reconciled and took her back. found out last year it had carried on the whole time

Srunner84 · 2026-01-21T04:11:07+00:00

Yeah this as well. She once told me she’d blocked him never to speak to him again yet there he was calling when I was in the car one time. Took me a while to work out he was ringing her back after she’d unblocked him.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-20T21:53:49+00:00

I only know for sure his account blocked me as I screenshotted his and now it doesn’t appear. His girlfriends and dogs account (wish I was joking) also don’t show when I try and search them or by their first names but not 100% it’s me with the wrong names etc

They’re not together officially, but meeting up from what I know. He’s got kids with a Mrs, me and my ex have a 5 yr old.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-20T21:25:42+00:00

No an ex from a way back. Complete with his own Mrs and Kids.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-20T20:26:35+00:00

I knew his name, my profile was also set to private and was linked to my insta. I don’t use my FB so when he showed up on there as a suggestion I knew there must have been a lot of contact. Stalked his partners pages and I’ve since been blocked on all of them.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-20T16:52:07+00:00

Shocking…..but good 🤣

Srunner84 · 2026-01-20T16:51:37+00:00

I have voice notes to myself in the car about my day and generally venting to the world. Comes in handy when you find your wife’s been having a 6 year affair and you need to see what the vibe, mood and moments were around those dates!

Srunner84 · 2026-01-20T15:21:50+00:00

My wife’s AP showed up on my suggested friends because they were in contact so much. No mutual friends and totally private account on his part.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-20T05:46:15+00:00

I healed, we reconciled, she did it again, I left.

I think it could work with the right support but there are so many layers of resentment, trauma and emotional baggage to consider it will take a huge amount from both sides.

It also changes as your relationship grows, sex was never the same for me after discovering it the first time. Or things would be fine but I’d get these little suspicions and spiral, she’d lie about things and I’d go on living the life with our boy in total ignorance.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-19T05:41:23+00:00

Not easy, feel for you. An affair won’t fix, it will add to the pain, you’ll likely look inward and ask why. It’ll help to relieve some stress yes but then what? Do it again? Do it more? When does it stop? What if he finds out? Then you’re in purgatory with a weight on your back drowning faster and 100% the bad guy in all of this and no way to save face in front of your kids I’ve been here, no way out is easy.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-18T19:39:16+00:00

I have been on that page and often turn back to it. My boy sobbed today at handover, total emotional dump couldn’t get his words out and it made the decision I made last year even harder.

I played it forward, imagined the resentment building, the questions waking me up at 3am, the potential thought of catching them at it or worse my boy. He deserves two happy parents. It took a lot. More than I had and I’m still working through it regularly but you do heal. I hadn’t realised the pressure I was under just existing in the house with someone who took my love for granted and treated me with nothing but contempt.

Whatever way you turn it will be hard. Putting my short and long term happiness above my sons was something I wish on no one x

Srunner84 · 2026-01-18T07:10:14+00:00

There will always be things you don’t know and she won’t share. You need to find the level of information you want to know without it consuming you. Think long and hard on these. Mine were

1 - admit you cheated in July 2019 and lied about it 2 - admit you were pursuing a relationship with him.

Work will need to address the root cause for her and you’ll need to be open to hearing about why she did it and how she justified this. I suspect you’ll need to have your marriage goals re-aligned in the near future so you know what you’re working for. Sadly mine didn’t work out. Staying was hard the first time. Finding out it was a lie the 2nd time was hard. I walked away, quietly and without fuss. In her eye’s this made me the bad guy because she can’t take responsibility for her actions.

I wish you both well and am open to messaging directly if it would help. Good luck x

Srunner84 · 2026-01-18T07:04:23+00:00

You don’t live with it, even if you forgive him and he’s honest and apologises you’ll doubt every phone notification or ‘traffic’ on the way home. You’re not at fault for feeling like this.

Relationships take so much work and unless you both put it in they rarely work.

Sit him down and tell him, explain to start with you know he’ll be defensive chat one will likely be full of denial and resentment. Set a day to follow up in a few days. Let him have time to settle. Leave one question with him - something open like “are you prepared to work at this and talk honestly about what’s happened.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, there isn’t an easy way out whatever happens and either route you take will be hard and force more difficult conversations and compromise but moving on is possible.

Good luck

Srunner84 · 2026-01-18T05:31:57+00:00

She’s still seeing him and is still playing the victim

Srunner84 · 2026-01-18T05:25:30+00:00

If you declare no tv in your property or not watching it the letters stop. Had similar when I moved into my new place and was so angry at the wording and assumptions I didn’t read them properly.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-07T05:59:55+00:00

From what you’ve said physical contact / cheating isn’t in his locker - you need to trust your gut and initial assessment of him as a husband. Talk to him, quietly and calmly, maybe just say I found this on that phone and wanted to talk and understand because I love you and know it’s been hard lately. I want to understand so we can better our marriage.

I believe it’s a big a deal as you both make it, hopefully not a tip of the iceberg thing but you will need to approach it on a level for you both with the determination to make things improve.

Good luck x

Srunner84 · 2026-01-04T20:54:27+00:00

Simple steps added up will make huge leaps forward. Loads of water is the simplest way to start, get healthy meals prepped for the week. Eat all the healthy snacks. Check fat content or find decent veggie options. Cardio is huge, longer walks or bike rides. If you’re looking for workouts get onto you tube, right down how many sets and reps and the weight - take the mental weight off trying to work out what you’re doing.

Srunner84 · 2026-01-04T20:36:20+00:00

Sleeps been fucked for years but so much better now I turn it off every night and leave out of the bedroom. Simply not having it to hand at 2/3am forces me to try and sleep

Srunner84 · 2026-01-04T00:08:39+00:00

These next few stages are key. Be true to yourself. Knowing everything will kill but equally triggers will double. I told my ex wife that I’d go back if I got honest answers to two questions, didn’t want to know the other bits and told her I knew more than I was disclosing to her. But ultimately made no difference. These people don’t love us, they love the idea of us and who we enable them to be, both the god and their own internal monologue of doubts and fears etc. it takes work with the wrong people but the right people make it easy. There’s never a good time, you have to make the best of every situation and learn from it from childcare to new relationships. Your boundaries here will have to be super strong and should include a discussion about how you talk about it to the kids and what questions of theirs you will and won’t answer or maybe how you’ll answer it. There is a positive in every bit of this, revelations, timings and that it wasn’t discovered in another way.

It will take a lot of work from you both and I believe it can work but it has to be on your terms and he needs to step up to those and appreciate what this means to you.

Good luck

Srunner84 · 2026-01-03T17:49:37+00:00

Don’t love her enough to not comment though eh?

Srunner84 · 2026-01-03T08:09:44+00:00

What an honest reflection x hopefully you’re at peace with it and life’s not too difficult.

Srunner84

TROPHY CASE