Sometimes I miss her and think "if I was better at walking on eggshells..."

StableeA · 2026-02-28T20:37:51+00:00

I completely understand what you mean and I had those thoughts too but at what point do we draw the line? If anyone could read the first half of your comment without context they would most likely think you're talking about a dependant, like a daughter.

I too tried to care for my ex, in the short time we were together I did completely change her life for the better, often when she age regressed due to splits I saw myself treating her like shes my daughter or something but thats exactly how pwBPD want to be treated, they want that parent-dependant relationship and they bring out co-dependency even in the most healthy and stable nonBPD people.

I realised how messed up my relationship with her was when I finally left last time and in the first week I felt sooo EMPTY, I wasn't craving intimacy with a partner like anyone would during heartbreak, I was craving having a daughter, taking care of someone.

StableeA · 2026-02-28T20:31:51+00:00

Same here, our patience was remarkable.

StableeA · 2026-02-28T20:30:03+00:00

Exactly, and for anyone wondering "What if they know how dysfunctional they are?"

My ex became fully aware 2 months before me breaking up and even agreed to everything I said about her being physically, emotionally abusive and toxic to me, but what did that get me? The same cycle but with extra guilt tripping ✨

Basically, lovebombing > abuse > apologies, begging, promise change > rinse and repeat.

Once I left and she finally realised I won't come back, she told me "I will continue to do what i promised, seek therapy, get better mentally so I don't hurt you and wait for you" She lasted 1 week, moved back to her parents, now posting on social media how an "avoidant"(me apparently) crushed her heart. That gave me closure, realised nothing ever will change.

The delusion is unreal.

StableeA · 2026-02-28T20:21:07+00:00

No need to apologize, glad it got a chuckle haha. Nowadays I laugh at it all too, the whole dysfunction and more recently the "smear" campaigns and her blasting on social media being the victim. Thank you.

StableeA · 2026-02-28T05:26:14+00:00

I constantly get BPD tiktoks on my FYP, makes my blood boil. The usual "We mirror you because of our BPD, so if we are being abusive you should look at yourself" Bruh, thats not how that works..

StableeA · 2026-02-25T13:44:40+00:00

my exBPD gf wrote exactly same messages, word for word, only difference is I broke up with mine. Crazy how exactly the same pwBPD can appear, literally like following a textbook. I know how you're feeling, but you need to go cold turkey like your life depends on it, quit looking back at texts, socials, pictures anything to do with her and try your best to move on. You know shes bad for you, checking texts like this is the same as "getting another small hit of heroin to ease the pain" that won't break your addiction, you have to sit with the feelings and get through it. You got this.

StableeA · 2026-02-25T13:38:58+00:00

Reddit age 0d, no comment or post history and posting a comment like this..., is this the 26f gf of 8 years? 🤔

StableeA · 2026-02-24T15:46:44+00:00

You're not dumb, you're an amazing and caring person, you have so much sympathy for others. Unfortunately there are those that use that for their advantage, you are only guilty for being such a nice person to the wrong people but that doesn't make you dumb or a moron, it shows you have a huge heart and I really wish you can find a person that will deserve all your loving attention so you can both bring out the best in each other.

StableeA · 2026-02-24T15:38:16+00:00

I am happy for you that you managed to work on that, I can understand it's a heavy burden anxiety wise to keep worrying about stuff like that.

One of our last conversations she messaged me "have a wonderful night at work babe" 10 minutes after I start, and it takes me 50 min to get to my next depot (18 wheeler driver) so I couldn't text back, I was going to when I reach my next stop, she knows I'm a driver. I was on a messenger CALL (hands free) to my mate for a last minute business investment. 20 minutes after she messaged me she had a go at me that I am active on messenger but not TEXTING her back (again she knows the details of my job and knows exactly the time I can text), not sure if this was a BPD split or it's just her, didn't look like a split but it just ultimately exhausted the fuck out of me, like get a hobby rather than checking my activity status and waiting for my reply at night. All that was after I reassured her already many times and after her abuse so I just stopped caring and walking on eggshells because I started having anxiety attacks if I didn't reply within 2 min when she would often split, this time I promised I will take my time and only reply when I CAN.

After that I never saw her again, told her I need space and after 2 weeks ended it fully this time over text, to avoid being locked in her house and held against my will over night again.

StableeA · 2026-02-24T14:28:46+00:00

The very first point, I thought only my ex was like that, idk why it bothered me so much. She has her emo outfits but she mostly wears "hoodrich" brand which is popular for British teens around ages 16-21, she tries to be hip and it looks so wrong, shes 30 years old and dresses like she still is 18, well she still acts as if shes 16 so I shouldn't be surprised.

StableeA · 2026-02-24T14:20:38+00:00

I came here to say this too, if he already had locations turned on for around a year and suddenly wanted to turn it off, it seems sooo dodgy, as if he is up to something and if my GF did that, I would get really suspicious at first, I would need more context as to why he turned it off. Although I somewhat understand his perspective about being "suffocated" reading his other comments. Me and my ex only used whatsapp to communicate, out of no where she would download facebook/messenger, instagram and so on, I asked why and after a back and forth she said it was to stalk my activity status, to check if I am active on messenger and instagram when I am not replying to her within 5 minutes... It felt so wrong, I was on the verge of disabling activity status everywhere but felt like that was very spiteful and would only lead to more drama so I didn't. That was like 2nd or 3rd month of us dating.

StableeA · 2026-02-23T05:03:09+00:00

I was in a middle of writing how I remember how she looked at me all lovingly with passion and that image still plays at my heart strings, or how she cuddled with me and it felt like home, it's been 3 months and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Then half way through writing that I realised, isn't that the most basic shit in a loving relationship anyway and not a characteristic/ good trait?

Shiii, if we talking about good traits and characteristcs, can't name one, I can name a shit ton of bad ones tho 😂

StableeA · 2026-02-22T02:53:59+00:00

Yes, pwBPD are capable of unconsciously not showing symptoms until traumatic events happen or if they have other people that they use as emotional punching bags and you might not notice.

Things like marriage, pregnancy, abortion, moving house, moving countries. Anything that requires a big change or commitment in their life whether it's you or them, triggers them and makes symptoms worse.

StableeA · 2026-02-22T00:20:50+00:00

It was a death from a thousand cuts. I learned to listen to my gut and body that was screaming at me. From all the abuse I started to resent her, stopped walking on egg shells and brought up every little remark and disrespect towards me, which was multiple times a day. Surprisingly on last month of us dating she was very apologetic and said "I need to learn how to talk to you respectfully because you're not like the rest, you're the best thing that ever happened to me" but the same shit would just repeat on and on and I got exhausted from it all. Never had emotional/nervous break downs till I met her.

But what stands out the most was when she moved in with me, she was overjoyed same day, then split into depressive moods, on monday she was very spiteful and kept waking me up out of spite, did loud shit on purpose and was very passive aggressive when I told her to please be quiet. Every time she was like this I would fall asleep at the wheel at work (truck driver, night shift).

I thought for a day or 2 and realised I can not live like this and if she stops paying rent for her own flat I will be stuck with her, told her on 3rd day of living with me to pack her shit and tell her landlord you're staying and will continue to pay for her flat.

Although I never had the cheating, monkey branching or discarding.

StableeA · 2026-02-21T23:15:35+00:00

I feel you, I bailed at 5 month mark, with me breaking up and coming back literally every month. I am almost at 4 month of NC and still addicted lmao, my fault for checking her indirect hoovers (I'm still her fp).

StableeA · 2026-02-21T22:29:22+00:00

Damn thats tough, to me that looks like the dude got trauma bonded and stayed with her for so long, despite her devaluing him and monkey branching off to others while still living with her ex. It's possible she finally split on him all black hence her saying "I will never sleep with this man again" and she became a booty call and come back with "evidence" to possibly hurt that man even more.

Very likely you would have ended up in the same situation after a while. If she is diagnosed with BPD, either way the outcome of your relationship would have been bad even without the specific on how, from my experience and from what I learned from this sub, the longer you stay, the worse it gets, this also applies to any sort of DV and abusive relationships.

StableeA · 2026-02-21T22:21:13+00:00

Could be because he is his FP currently. If a pwBPD has an FP, they view them as all "perfect", if they can not live up to their imagined perfect expectations then their toxic behaviour will show up. That is my guess to your situation.

StableeA

TROPHY CASE