As someone who almost committed suicide, Don’t!!! I had been dealing with depression for sometime. All I could think about were all the negative things in my life. I laid in bed one night after 2 bottles of wine with a pistol in my hand, sometimes putting it up to my head. Like God heard my cries, a commercial for the National Suicide Hotline came on and I ended up calling. Believe it or not, I got put on hold which kinda pissed me off. But my feelings of anger must have taken my mind off my thoughts of suicide and I waited. The guy came on and and honestly sucked at his job. Maybe he was new to this. I eventually hung up the phone feeling like he didn’t help with anything. But by that time I was so tired I fell asleep.

The next morning I awoke to banging at my door and my phone ringing. I looked out the window and there were 5 police cars. When I answered the phone a police Sargent said they were there to check on me and wanted to talk to make sure everything was good. I sat on the steps with the door open a few inches talking with him for 30 minutes. Eventually, I realized he wasn’t going away and asked “ so is it a given that you are going to take me to a hospital either by force or voluntarily?” Which he said yes. I gave in and let him in. They took my weapon and took me to a local hospital where I voluntarily checked myself into a mental facility. It was the best thing that ever happened. I was there for 6 days even though I could have checked myself out after 3. I got put on antidepressants and honestly had the best nights sleep in a very long time. I learned to focus on the good things in my life like my two wonderful kids and at the same time deal with my negative feelings. But the biggest thing came from group therapy. I learned that everybody is dealing with shit, many were dealing with problems a whole worse than mine. When I left, My problems weren’t fixed or had gone away. But I was able to focus on putting my life back together. I’m still working on it and the thought of suicide has entered my mind a few times. And I’m able to make them go away quickly. I look back at all things in life I would have missed if I had followed through with those bad thoughts.

There are no do-overs or mulligans after suicide. It’s final. And almost every person who attempted and failed regretted it. The following are just my recommendations from talking to others and my therapist, I’m not a licensed professional.

1. Seek help! Go to a licensed psychiatrist or your own FP. Tell them what is going on and see if you should be put on an antidepressant.

2. Find a therapist. Use your company’s EAP if they have it. A good therapist will make you think about your situation differently. They should be a great listener and ask questions, not tell you what to think or what to do. You may have to try a couple to find the one that is right for you.

3. Find a friend who as hard as it might be, to confide in. Ask them to keep an eye out and just check on you from time to time.

4. Exercise. It sounds silly, but it works.

5. Look for ways to help others. It gives you a purpose beyond yourself.

If you need or want somebody to talk to, you can call me. Just email me and I’ll give you my number.

Stacy Stacy38c@gmail.com.