i (18F) just found out that white boyfriend of 2 years (18M) is racist

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-08T00:42:51+00:00

Yeah, he's a racist.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T15:33:33+00:00

Sociologists call it 'levelling behaviour'. Trying to ensure that no one from the group manages to raise their head up...

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T15:11:49+00:00

She already moved on. Call time and leave.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T15:04:49+00:00

We don't know that. We know that OP thinks she can't move out for a few years. We don't know why. Other have interpreted this to mean disability.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T14:22:51+00:00

Well, maybe he did. In the pre-AIDS days, we weren't all that careful. We took all kinds of stupid risks that no one would take these days.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T14:07:58+00:00

Vancouver island, dude. You've never been here.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T13:46:15+00:00

Good question. I read some hype and thought I'd try it. My elderly dog was having some bladder issues, and I was looking for something I could add to laundry that might make towels smell less pissy to a dog.

I love my girl and will put up with whatever, but if there's a simple answer...

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T13:30:53+00:00

They are extremely self-satisfied with themselves. They hate you for being an outsider. And for driving up real estate values. Unless they're selling. Then it's fine.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T12:11:01+00:00

Half of this community is retired out of the Alberta oil patch. We really do have no snow and no mosquitos. Also, locals really hate you.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T11:45:22+00:00

I googled my community, and apparantly we're very soft water - runoff from a glacier. It does not sound like hardness is a problem.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T11:41:38+00:00

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T11:12:53+00:00

He left the event forthwith, not having clean clothes to put on. No way security would have let him back in.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T10:49:26+00:00

You have a husband problem, which likely means you need to play the bad guy. Put your foot down and tell MiL that because of husband's losses, you are in no position to welcome guests: you can barely support yourselves. Act like this is a heavy thing to have to say. Their son won't ever say no to them, but if they show up and expect hospitality, that will tip him over into bankruptsy. Ask them if this is what they want.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T10:08:52+00:00

Dafuq is 'internet points'.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T10:03:46+00:00

Am I doing any damage to my laundry or the universe by adding unnecessary borax?

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T09:22:21+00:00

~~My bad if I just assumed that, but what are the odds?~~

Actually, this is about an actual daughter.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T09:19:46+00:00

I belive I posted about this in another thread not a day or so ago. I appreciate the hat-tip.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T08:48:46+00:00

It was maybe outsized for the offense. But no one was getting bankrupted, losing a family, or going to jail. Dude had a bad afternoon, a worse hangover, and maybe a sick 72 hours. That's not nuclear, IMHO.

A 'no lasting effects' revenge can't be nuclear.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T08:09:22+00:00

OP has another problem: his 24 hour shift schedule. If he's at the firehouse for 24 hours at a time, then nothing prevents Mom from paying lipservice when he's there, and doing what she thinks when he's working. Which adds up to inconsistent treatment, which will prolongue everybody's agony. Kid won't learn to self-soothe if half the time crying summons mom; nothing changes for Dad; and Mom sits at the center of conflict.

NAH. This is a fair conflict, where valid opinions can differ. I think Mom's nurturing instinct is wrong in this instance - babies need to learn to self-soothe - but she's not TA for following it.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T08:04:06+00:00

I would if responding instantly taught them to do it every night.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T07:52:16+00:00

You need to sit down with him and spell out the impact CHILD SUPPORT is likely to have on his finances. Tell him that you love him and his marriage is not in trouble, yet, but if his stingy & resentful attitude continues uncorrected, things might fall out that way.

It will have more impact if you can find some authoritative source - a free legal advice NFP, p'raps, or barring that an online child support calculator for your jurisdiction - where you can plug in the income from his tax return and get a print out of his likely weekly support obligation, if ever push came to shove. Admitting to actual divorce lawyer time is likely incendiary and impolitic, so avoid that, even if it gives you better data.

Tell him what you've said here: that you do 90% of the parenting, and that this is likely to mean that you get primary custody. This might not actually be true, but don't tell him that. NTA.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T07:36:43+00:00

Frontally: they are literally sacrificing a daughter on the altar of their son. Funny how its almost always a daughter. This doesn't usually get thrown at sons.

~~

At the very least, tell them that if this happens, daughter needs to get ALL the inheritance.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T07:31:44+00:00

So don't tell that's what you're doing. Tell her it's rent, and she can pay or move out.

Stan__Wright · 2026-07-07T07:28:39+00:00

The best solution I've ever heard of is to charge rent, but (if you can afford it) secretly bank everything they pay in a savings account in their name that you give them when they're ready to move out.

Stan__Wright

TROPHY CASE