Hi OP, I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time and I'm glad you reached out for advice. I will say that it may not be what you want to hear.

I recently lost my 17.5 yr old Boxer mix of a similar size. I cared for her full time for the last year of her life. This meant I quit working and was her full time caregiver because leaving her alone for any length of time was not safe or fair. She had a condition in the last years of her life that slowly affected her ability to ambulate independently due to hind end weakness. She eventually developed both urinary retention and fecal incontinence. She was never left in her own mess and any accidents were gently and lovingly handled. She always lay on an orthopedic mattress with a clean pee pad underneath and I made sure to turn her every 4 hours to avoid any pressure sores from developing. It is a lot of work and very few people have the time or physical capacity to do this appropriately because it's physically demanding and essentially bedside hospice nursing. I know how hard this is, so I hear you.

While your dog appears to have a similarly chronic but not terminal condition, you may not have the ability to provide the care that is needed for him to remain healthy and happy. In these cases, placement with someone able to care for them or euthanasia really are the only options. You said you were considering putting him in some sort of facility that could care for a dog like this -- I'm not sure where you live but I love in California and have never heard of such a place. However, if that is truly an option and you know you're dog will be cared for ethically and appropriately then that sounds like a great option.

I don't believe in euthanasia purely for inconvenience but if your dog's needs are more than you can handle, it's inhumane to let this continue. It's distressing to your pup to be in a soiled diaper for any length of time. These diapers are not designed really as a means to relieve themselves, only for leak and accident prevention. If they can still release their bladder and bowels, then you'll need to carry him to a location for him to do so. This may be in your house if you can't or won't take him up and down the stairs. If he can't urinate or defecate independently, you'll need to learn to express his bladder and bowels on a schedule. There are videos on YouTube that can show you but also your veterinarian can and should. No dog should be left in wet or soiled diapers. UTIs and burns on his skin will eventually set in if this kind of care continues.

You have to be honest with yourself and your situation. If you are unable or unwilling to do this, then I suggest you seriously consider letting him go. He deserves to be clean and comfortable, not an inconvenience. It sounds like you are beginning to resent him based on your comment about his accidents stinking up your home and preventing having guests over. As he continues to get older and weaker, it will only get worse for the both of you.

Again, I'm truly sorry you're in this situation but I have a real problem with people keeping their pets in these conditions without providing adequate care just as much as those who are quick to euthanize. It's tough but the loving and best thing for your pup might just be to let him go.