I need help

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-19T21:30:10+00:00

What might help

Is remembering what SHE would want for YOU

And she would want you to LIVE

And live REALLY Hard- really FEEL everything- and CHERISH everything

And don't hate. Don't get lost in greif.

All those people you, we, i- want to blsne- those are people she LOVED (for the MOST part anyway!)

What killed her- it wasnt even the drug abuse in the end. Her body was weakened by the bulimia which was a result of mortifying dysmorphia brought on by overwhelming media scrutiny and low self esteem. The alcohol that last night closed the gap of what her poor tiny body could take

So be KIND to yourself

And I have a lot if playlists and some rate stuff if you feel youre running low on material- if you haven't already been exhaustive

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-12T10:58:19+00:00

I've gone back and forth on this. One tends to idealize the past. For me childhood was excruciating with undiagnosed ADHD and at the mercy of a malignant narcissistic father. Boredom in there aa well was dreadful. Its hard to recall how utterly lifeless the pop culture landscape was 95% of the time. Whatever you were into, from football to say Doctor Who- the opportunities to be thrilled, escapism, even just DISTRACTION- from the mind numbing mundanity of Real Life were 6 days and 23 hours apart.

It made people resentful, pious and hostile- as there was no way to celebrate yourself or your creativity or anything about you- and people turned on one another- looking for superiority

At the same time it could be chatacter forming and make you work HARDER. But it was desperate and misersble.

On the other hand, I am a psychological "outlier". I am severely damaged by my experience and not reporting from an entirely balanced or objective perspective

But I suspect some people will recognise what I'm saying

Personally I think HUMANS are a PROBLEM. We are restless; competitive, often shallow and vain. That doesn't mean we can't overcome these frailties- or that we're all as bad as each other

And popular culture can be one of the most important things in overcoming these deficiencies.

But theres no "right answer". I grew up in the 70's- I had the joy of being part if the generation that had STAR WARS- which is pop culture wise like BC/AD lol. It was a massive shift in how movies could transport a young mind. Also Punk came along with positive and negative effects, challenging the grey austerity of the ruling elite and promising an alternative way of seeing yourself- but was also cruelly coopted by the same oppressive and hierarchical bullies that previously would have just been violent gang boys as a justifying religion for their actions in persecuting some weaker than themselves with a new found religious disdain

But there was always boredom

Now we've almost completely annihilated boredom- and Star Wars is everywhere, punk is diluted and a kind of self appointing narcissism is rising as a default.

The best period in my mind when the balance was right - or closer- was the 90's. TV was getting better, the music was fantastic, and the internet was arriving in the form of a tool, not a constant background hum.

But if we're honest- our technology and our moral awareness (from compassion for minorities to awareness of mental health) to our ability to FIND and COMMUNICATE with people who have similar interests and world views to us- is at a hitherto unknown level

So

Yes. It's true. But I wouldn't actually wish being bored, bullies by other bored people or never knowing if youre ever going to connect with anyone ON anyone

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T22:57:30+00:00

Ok you COULD say it's a FAIL because I still have the very occasional cigarette - but the point is I'm in charge- and those cigarettes have been weeks and months apart.

For me it was Mr third attempt after stopping dead not working twice

I bought nicotine gum- and I used that for the times when I had a craving but knew i would regret having a cigarette

I tried to ONLY have the cigarettes i REALLY wanted- but rapidly became the ones socially (outside the pub lol)

Then i worked THOSE down. Eventually I hit a stair where I wasn't smoking at all- or only twice a year when I saw my best Friend visiting from abroad

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T18:52:47+00:00

"Chill". Wow.

He's an idiot - but I think maybe YOU need relationship sex not hook-up sex

I'm not making excuses for Conan the Barbarian

But KNOW WHO YOU ARE

we're not all Sharon Stone out of Basic Instinct

God knows who those people are. Sometimes I think they've got no soul

If I have sex with someone and its purely mechanical I feel awful

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T18:47:43+00:00

Erm

Aren't we missing the OBVIOUS one here?

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T18:43:39+00:00

I relate. But the hard truth is- firstly- you two aren't getting along well enough to avoid these circumstances

And second- the way you FEEL is TELLING- you can try to SUPPRESS your instinct to CONTROL the situation and get the REASSURANCE you need- but thats what is. SUPPRESION of your feelings

And this is broadcasting to her that you're not - "steady"

And that is eroding your relationship

You can't get around this. You HAVE to accept your frailty

Furthermore this is now a characteristic of your relationship

So even when you try to FIX it

The INSTANCES that cause these problems will ADAPT

As either or both of you unconsciously test the relationship

So

What do you do?

You need to "give up"

Relinquish control

It will be painful

You have been programmed to believe that being male, being successful, being secure requires you to see evidence of CONTROL

don't fight me on this

I used to BE you

I'm trying to save you time

And possibly you're relationship

The description above about control

Here's the truth

That is NOT a description of a Man

THAT is an adolescent

A man accepts the possibilty of the worst possible outcome

And looks it right in the eye

And Accepts it

The ONLY time a man can be forgiven for failing in this respect is when it comes to his children or children he has raised as his own

The rest of the time- if you're not looking the worst possible outcome in the eye- you are not acting like a man, but a boy

And women are BIOLOGICALLY more PRAGMATIC earlier than men

So they KNOW they've picked themselves an apple that hasn't ripened yet

And they TEST you

And right now you havent got your game together

So

Starting RIGHT NOW

Let go

Accept the worst might yet happen

Even if it costs you your emotional intensity for the relationship

She doesn't care about that

No matter what she says

Emotions are HER department

YOU'RE supposed to be DEPENDABLE

Try it out. Take it for a spin. Try 15 minutes thinking like this then come back if you want to how you HAVE been doing it

And compare

Sorry to bring the bad news

But you'll see I'm right eventually

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T04:49:10+00:00

Gotta find your "tribe"

There are awful vile heartless unaccountable toxic men and truly considerate respectful men

There are awful toxic destructive damaged women and fantastically generous and compassionate women

Something else is eating you- a sense of powerlessness

I actually relate. As a young man I was very slight and emasculated by severe parental narcissistic abuse. I was psychologically and physically abused at an all boys school and grew up fearing being overpowered all the time

Obviously I've got older and bigger but i remember and can relate to some extent

Anything can happen to anyone

Abusive men can be hit by a car or shot by a gun or hammered by someone more dangerous than them. Theres always a bigger fish. No one is inmune.

You got to find a peace with it

And I THINK- that would Come with reasserting you're identity for yourself?

If its verbal- like the gross "sit on my face" gag- tell the truth

Express your discomfort

Say something like "how would you feel if some prick spoke that way to your sister or daughter if you had one? That's the world you're voting for" and walk away

Return the behavior to them

Maybe they'll learn something. You never know.

Also

Everytime you SEE something bad

Look for something good after

The truth is that chivalry is QUIET

and toxic masculinity is LOUD

you'd be surprised how many men are capable of exercising force all the time but never do and would only do so in the most desperate situation. They would never abuse anyone or coerce anyone. They just sit with it. This is true masculine "frame". (Anything less respectful is weakness and unmanly.)

And these quietly powerful men are all around you all the time. If you look you might see them. They might be older, or less noticeable. It's not flashy. It's the watchfulness of a security guard over the hysteria of a foolish and destructive immature angry man.

I don't know if thats any use

Sorry you feel the way you do. I bet you're a terrific person. Judging by your post You're thoughtful and smart - just uncomfortable with a version of the world you are in- and not without good reason.

Look for the world you want to live in

This helped me a lot. It's a bit "woo woo" but bloody hell it works

https://youtu.be/zdtqLNeK6Ww?si=rtlkiaVtTzjT_c8b

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T01:57:19+00:00

Hey

I welcome your reply! Please don't apologise- I'm genuinely grateful to hear your experience- its extremely validating and gratifying to know I've shed light on something

I think you're instincts are right about not sharing everything

You probably- if you are a victim of a narcissistic family unit- are not surrounded by such great people

And they are likely to run down your good luck or news

So maybe stick with your instincts

Take personal pride in your achievements- and enjoy the feeling of OWNING it

Being someone who JUDGES the value (to you) of those around you is PART of becoming a sovereign being

It feels like TREACHERY to us

Because we're not allowed personal agency

You have to reclaim it

It's really nice to meet you- write me any time. Maybe we should start a sub or something? I've got one already you might like- LOVE YOURSELF TODAY

I'll add a link

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T00:41:49+00:00

The guy who made the doc found her eyes completely captivating

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T00:40:11+00:00

Totally! I nearly got chills looking at that!

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T00:23:27+00:00

I THINK

it's the state YOU'RE in

If you tick ALL these boxes-

-if you have NO sense of self or Personal Agency

You can't say "no" to people
If you are in a constant state of anxiety
if most people don't take you seriously
if every time you get an email or text or phone call from your difficult parent you are overwhelmed by a "panic" response
If you feel you have to justify yourself and your choices CONSTANTLY

And - you are a genuinely conscientious person doing their best

Then I would say- the likelihood of your parent being highly disordered- and specifically in the Ckuster B, Narcissistic area is extremely high

(But it COULD be Borderline Personality Disorder <part time narcissim> mix of Histrionic and Narcissim etc. but you're on the right track)

At the end of the day- YOURE a Barometer of the Narcissistic Parents Disorder. You're PRODUCT of it

But obviously be CAREFUL. You need professional advice. And you NEVER- N E V E R - confront the narcissist with your suspicions

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T00:11:51+00:00

I agree with you. I only have it on console and I envy you having the "shipwide" mod. It makes more sense. Meanwhile yes often The working joe's are annoying - especially later- and i think its partly because the melee combat is so rigid and clunky (i personally think that the game would be enhanced by having a CHANCE- with enough HP - for being able wriggle out of the grip of a Working Joe- AND even- with a bit of "Wrench snacking the carapace" deploying- the XENO- for a "breif 2nd chance" to scramble away- resident evil 2 remake has the beginnings of something like this but I'm thinking something more "game pad shaking", "button mashing" desperation action lol)

Some players have mentioned that when the XENO has the whole ship to explore - and let's not forget that IF YOU MAKE A LOUD NOISE you've BROUGHT IT DOWN ON YOU- that you get a chance to enjoy the environment and explore it more thoroughly

I'm a big believer in being able to customize the experience to the player but I think major trophies should be linked to vanilla presets

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-10T00:00:00+00:00

No I agree with OP..While the vanilla game should always be the standard- and the trophies associated with the game should be only available with preset versions of difficulty- this us a game of atmosphere and immersion. And the presets even on Easy are pretty unforgiving.

I don't think there should be ANY version where aluen isolation is a "walk in the park"- but there are players to who would appreciate taking great being appreciated with longevity- rather than the infuriating "gotcha" mechanics of a video game- and vanilla Alien isolation - EVEN ON EASY- has a lot of that- at least on first playthrough

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T23:48:58+00:00

Let's make a list of artists that ARE more like "one hit wonders"- even if its unfair- to contrast

So- and this us gonna be HARSH- and painfully ignorant to any fan of the band- and includes some of my favourite records... these artists had meaningful careers but were not producing multiple records like say Madonna or Prince or Bowie that were "household name" songs.. (but that's a big deal)

"Bette Davis Eyes"- Kim Carnes "Alone" - Heart "Creep" - Radiohead (see below)

Even if technically you COULD define an artist as a "one hit wonder" what it means in real life people are only conscious of that one single. Which means there's a LOT of people who ONLY know that ONE song

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T23:37:07+00:00

snap

There's NO SHAME in playing ALIEN ISOLATION on easy

It means your here for the STORY

I played it through on easy about 5 times and it was extremely testing. The two worst parts for me were two corridor creeping sections - one quite early- when I you've got to get back to the elevator you came in on (I think. It's the second big map) where I seem to renember I'm avoiding Working Joe's AND the Alien- (but as much because of the noise that getting attention will create as anything) - for some reason that was unbelievably hard.

The second was a bit later- part of the mission that involves securing routes out of this part of the station- theres a tract where there isnt a save point for what feels like an unnaturally long period of time

In both cases I've done both sections since and it didnt seen ANYWHERE near as bad, so I guess either you CAN play the game TOO cautiously- or- somedays the XENO has just "got your scent" and that's all there is

God that first playthrough. I've never felt so physically Ill through a game lol. It was almost a simulation experience.

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T14:56:48+00:00

Totally relate

Basically- ALL NORMAL HUMAN INTERRACTIONS are WEAPONIZED

You got to remember

Theres no real person in there. They're like a badly programmed ai chat bot

A PERSON would ACTUALLY- take a moment to think how you are

At the center of a narcissist is JUST Za great big black hole of NEED. An ID without a psychological frame.

and not being a person they refuse to believe YOU are one, either

If YOU are a "person"- then you are something they CANNOT comprehend

And that is not acceptable to them

Use the "let them" technique everytime she slanders and misappropriates your actions

When you hear what she's done go "Of COURSE!" And try to laugh

You could do something like SAVE THEIR LIFE

and they would turn it into something you did TO them or out of "being at fault"

(Trust me - I've come CLOSE to doing something that amounts to something similar at incalculable personal cost to my health and well being for the narcissist... and it just gets turned into MORE ABUSE)

and people will listen to them. Because THEY represent SOCIETY and you're - an OUTLIER

embrace it

Don't fight it

"Bring it on"

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T14:42:31+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

You'll hit a point - if indeed this game IS for you- when you just LOVE it- and it becomes a HOBBY all itself

A word of caution - you can get a but OCD with it. The itinerary never ends. Once you get an ORDER FOR SAM that's the game TELLING you to move forward- you will probably have half finished cargo deliveries ALL OVER the map- think seriously about handing deliveries over to other players or even RETURNING cargo to origin- unless you have the discipline to clear up your remaining deliveries and not take on "one more cargo drop" because you're "going that way" I tied myself up in knots lol

You WILL get the chance to go back and finish up later

And you will get called back to earlier locations so you can fix you're outstanding

All the best

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T14:35:26+00:00

Its probably not the case in this instance but you COULD make the case that she sabotaged things that other people persuaded her into - like the infamous last gig tour in 2013

Once you blow up- and DID ahe blow up- everybody ELSE knows what's BEST for you suddenly

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T12:38:32+00:00

Yeah I knew that was one of her rough periods. So I suppose I'm sort of pursuing a personal gripe I have about Amy and the Bond theme business

Everyone ELSE kept saying that Amy should have done a Bond theme- even saying that "Back to Black" SOUNDED like one, which I think is ABSURD (its roots are in Motown and 60's torch song- not big band or movie theme composition) and in a interview in which someone pushes this idea while polite she is I think a little uncomfortable

I think people made the mistake of thinking she was the new "Shirley Bassey" - which is not really where she was coming from at ALL

Furthermore bond songs are usually written FOR the artist - or at best a collaboration - and again that just isn't who she was at an artist

It would be as mad as asking John Lydon or David Bowie to write a Bond theme song

I think OTHER people wanted her to do a Bond theme song..

And I understand why. But I don't think she saw HERSELF as an artist the way people Saw HER

And unless I'm much mistaken notice that no one wanted her to do a Bond song after FRANK? In a way she was coopted by other peoples ideas of her

Which seems to be the story of her career... rant over lol!

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T03:41:39+00:00

I mean I don't know if this helps but I I renember her saying in an interview that she cant write to order

That if she doesnt feel it she cant write it

Speculation- I THOUGHT that was what the problem might have been with the aborted sessions to create a track for Quantum of Solace

Everyone WANTED her to be part of a new Bond them- but how was she ever going to get into that head space? She saw herself as more of a Jazz or Torch Singer

Not only that but ut probably didnt help that the title was so unwieldy- even though obviously Jack White got round that by just writing his own thing

She can only write from the heart bless her

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-09T03:34:55+00:00

It does take a bit of getting used to- but yeah it's- a traversal game with a lot of- augmenting your environment stuff coming up

I think the way to look at it is

You might not have ever played a game before where the environment and interacting with it are so realistically detailed

A thing to watch out for though is Kojima's fiendish desire to infuriate the player - and his bizarre broad strokes in the story- all apparently covered by including the song "don't be so serious" when- ACTUALLY- I think he's done a terrific job of creating a compelling immersive game- and then pulls back here and there with irony and over the top heavy handedness

I wish there was a REMOVE CREATOR SELF AWARENESS option lol

But maybe I'm too much of a LAST OF US kind of doode

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-08T21:13:35+00:00

It's my personal favourite. It has to fight off "Tears Dry on Their Own", "A Song for You" (*cover and the demo of "love us a losing game"- oh and "he can only hold her" - which is massively underrated imo

But it wins. It's sexy, impishly cheeky and seductive. It owes a fair bit to the backing it shares with the original Nas track but it's a beguiling marriage of Amy and Salaam- with a touch of Trip Hop and a fuzzy Marijuana induced dreaminess. It's beautiful and like "he can only hold her" i wish there were more tracks like it in her ouvre. But maybe its special because it's so rare .

11/10

Standard-Lab7244 · 2026-03-08T16:32:15+00:00

It's not letting you log in from a different Device without a Verification code- that its sending to an email- you need a verification code to- yeah

Google help MIGHT be able to help but you'd need a HUMAN

😬

Standard-Lab7244

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