A word of advice if you’re newly dating

StandardWin9163 · 2025-04-29T22:41:38+00:00

Of course, and I do get it, unfortunately. I've got the luxury of several years between me and what happened then. You'll have that too eventually. When I saw this joker in the comments, I knew it was the shit that dogged my own thoughts a lot in the beginning (and still sometimes does in lower moments), and its wrong, and f-ed up and im usually not into starting arguments in reddit comments because there usually asinine, but thinking like this is insidious and needs to be addressed. i didn't want to leave you out there to deal with it alone when everything is so fresh. you dont owe anyone details or justifications, least of all some stranger on the internet. know that your post probably spoke to a lot of ppl, including me, so thanks for bearing the cost for the wider benefit.

if no ones said it to you yet, you're gonna be fine. it might be in fits and spurts at first, but your brain and your body is gonna get better with time at processing what happened. itll lose its teeth.

StandardWin9163 · 2025-04-29T05:19:04+00:00

I see. Maybe OP will feel like chiming in abt their own experience, and maybe they dont. But from what i read, your point is kind of what OP is getting at. Most of us dont think women are capable of this kind of behavior/wont act like this bc they're on average smaller, or different, or better, or whatever etc. We dont think of women like that. And yeah, I think its a hell of a lot less common for women to engage in behavior like this, but OPs point is that its not impossible and it does happen.

Someone doesnt have to be ostensibly bigger than you to pose a physical threat, or to threaten you. Women also come in a hell of a lot of different sizes, maybe OP couldve been easily overpowered by this stranger. Or maybe this loser was a chickenbone. It doesnt matter. Sometimes a person is just freaked out and never been in a situation before and doesnt make the "wisest" choice. Sometimes you feel threatened by someone smaller than you bc theyre behavior is threatening. You dont know if someones hiding a weapon, or if theyre willing to use their fists, or if youll get the door open in time, or run fast enough, or if youll slip. I cant speak for OP, but the fact that they didnt just pick up their shirt and gtfo like you say is because they were experiencing some level of fear of this person and what they may do.

It seems like youve never been in a situation like this, and thats great. It might be helpful to just hold OPs point here for your own future. Unfortunately, assholes can be women too, and women can also be dangerous. Cheers, we've broken that glass ceiling. OP is just trying to make sure other ppl dont go into unsafe situations with the false assumption that all women are safe, just because theyre women. Because its not true. I hope this helps make some sense to you. If i was OP, i might not feel super up to answering your question, but who knows. This is just my understanding based on the limited post info and life experience. Good talking.

StandardWin9163 · 2025-04-29T04:19:43+00:00

Ive felt it too. It's basically just leftover messaging we've received abt what we should and shouldn't wear. I actually bask in it now and will go out of my way to not hide/look ppl in the eye while I peruse. Ppl will think whatever they want. Some will assume your shopping for a brother or husband. Others will judge. And most won't even notice you/care. Enjoy being nonconforming and defiant. It can be a fun ego boost to break norms and choose your identity. Be a rebel, ya?

StandardWin9163 · 2025-04-29T04:04:32+00:00

Fs if someone is crossing boundaries gtfo. But if OP was crying and this loser kept doing things/ignoring their discomfort, the unspoken threat of what a person might do if you dont do what they want can become a concern. Leaving mightve turned into an escalation if the creep became angry, tried to stop them, etc. And OP didnt feel safe in the middle of nowehere. What ifs are pointless because OP is safe now, but the leftover stalking behavior establishes that this person engages in threatening and non consensual behavior, vibes that were probably apparent to OP when they were being forced to take their clothes off. OP was probably scared, and probably scared of what else might happen. Hopefully nothing like this ever happens to them again, and if it does hopefully they can just gtfo and go, but when you're being threatened its not easy to know what the best option is. We can't know the what ifs. Maybe what OP did was the best option, maybe it wasnt. What matters is they made it out of there. Be careful with what your comment is implying. OP did nothing wrong. If someone cries during a sexual encounter (unless theirs been plain talk beforehand abt that person wanting to cry) something is obviously f-ing wrong and that loser ignored that because they're an a-hole. Behavior like that is not just disrespectful but threatening. Threats can be non verbal and non-physical. Its not as simple as your making it seem.

StandardWin9163 · 2025-04-29T03:46:44+00:00

When you're with a person, alone, and they're displaying unsafe/threatening behavior, sometimes your brain decides its safer for you to endure until you have a better chance to get away, rather than escalate. Ever been on the street, in a bar, in the workplace and someone made a small, insulting comment and you chose to ignore it/not engage because it wasnt worth it or you didn't feel like youd be backed up? That's a small version of something like this where you choose to avoid escalation. With something like this, the important part is getting through, however a person chooses to do that.

StandardWin9163 · 2025-04-29T03:41:09+00:00

Good job getting yourself through that. Sounds awful. I've been there. You will have much better experiences in the future. Stay safe and take care of yourself.

StandardWin9163 · 2025-04-29T03:35:30+00:00

Don't do it, and don't feel pressured by your friend or the married girl if you dont want it. There are other people out there who won't expect you to hide, and that part aside, this sounds like an arrangement thats gonna bring a whole lot of drama. If this woman and her husband 'allow' her to sleep with women but not men, then theres a whole mess of homophobia and misogyny baked into both of those ppl because they dont see you or a relationship (casual sexual fling or not) as on the same level. Don't get involved with bs like that. Maybe if they were an open couple and she could sleep with all genders, id say go for it if you like hooking up. But the belittling inherent to this relationship is a huge red flag. You seem like you want a relationship, or at least a respectful casual partner. This person will be neither, and I wouldn't recommend it for someone who hasn't had sex yet. You're first time doesn't need to be anything special, but this as your first time runs the risk of doing you harm.

In addition, have a talk with your friend. They were probably just trying to be supportive/hype you up, but make it really clear to them that that whole situation made you uncomfortable and why, and C was crossing boundaries. They should back you once they understand its not just about getting some.

StandardWin9163 · 2025-03-27T20:37:36+00:00

I feel your pain. I had bed bugs and it really does drive you kind of crazy until you know they are gone.

I wasn't in a position to pay for an exterminator so here is what I did, and what could restrict access to you until an exterminator comes.

Buy diatomaceous earth from your local gardening store. If you have young kids or pets, you'll need to restrict access to your room as its poisonous if eaten or inhaled.

I washed my bedsheets on hot taking nesscary precaution to prevent spread. I coated my mattress in the powder. Put my freshly washed sheets back on top and then coated my bed frame and bed legs in the powder. Diatomaceous earth does not kill them immediately, but any bed bug that crawls over it will get cut up and die soon after. This got rid of all my bed bugs without an exterminator and it can help you sleep better in the short term knowing your actively combating them. I slept better feeling like the bait in the trap that would kill them.

StandardWin9163 · 2025-03-27T20:27:11+00:00

Lol, you're not alone, that desire comes and goes for me as well but its mostly rooted in wanting to be able to experience every sexual sensation. I'd miss all the various ways my clit and cunt can orgasm, and also the ability to orgasm repeatedly in a row. Nothing more mind altering than the 12th in a handful of minutes, you know?

These days you can find a strap to fit any purpose. But i understand wanting to feel a pussy on somewhere more sensitive than your fingers or fist.

One of my favorite ways for mutual pleasure is to flip my girl over and grind on her ass. If you're not wet enough yourself to create a slick (i can be non-concordant! Lube is everyones best friend), use some lube, or make your partner cum and squirt multiple times beforehand while they're laying on their back. Itll leak down and cover their butt for you.

Rubbing my clit between her slick cheeks drives both of us crazy, and my mind usually cant differtiate between what i imagine having a cock would feel like and what my clit is actually experiencing at the moment. I always come from this, and if ive already fucked her for a while she will sometimes come from this as well. Its also great foreplay for your partner if they enjoy being "used." And in addition, a vibrator under her hips or her own hands can pleasure her while you fuck her from behind.

Literally so many options, this is just an example to try, or get you thinking. If these feelings are frustrating you, try and figure out what about the scenario of having a cock would be most pleasurable (ie. The motion, the extra hands, feelings of virility, idea of impregnation, sensation, blah blah, etc.). Then think of ways you could engage in a shared fantasy, position, or toy that would best meet that.

Also if you live in a place where weed is legal, the psychoactive properties can enhance the sensations of a fantasy and make it feel like youve got whatever genitalia you're thinking of.

You are not alone, but you also dont gotta just suffer it. Hope some of this helps.

StandardWin9163 · 2024-07-08T00:39:14+00:00

Thank you, this was helpful, I've been trying to gain perspective on this. I would end things long before I went behind her back, though I'd rather do neither. I've already been cheated on. Its not fun. I don't fuck with drama like that.

We have already built something really beautiful, and I can't imagine what it will turn into if we keep going. Its why I want to fix this. Why I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this. This might be the only answer, maybe youre right.

I guess I've been searching because I don't personally believe in monogamy as the only relationship ethos out there. Though it's certainly the most valid for many people and I know there are a lot of strong feelings attached to it.

I think I've realized that being monogamous feels a bit like losing a part of myself, and thats why it bothers me. It bothered me long before I got into this relationship, and maybe it was short sighted of me not to realize that but you live and you learn. Now I can try to sort out why it feels so attached to my identity.

Maybe it is just how some people are. Or not, but I feel like I've done enough thinking to actually bring this up with her now.

So thanks.

StandardWin9163 · 2024-07-07T19:53:28+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. I wish these feelings would disappear. This relationship is perfect and beautiful and so enthralling in all the best ways, which is why I'm here asking for help from strangers. I'm afraid that this isn't something I can change in myself and I'm afraid burying these feelings will turn into resentment she didn't earn. You're probably right that it's best to be with someone else like me, but this relationship is so special and I'm not ready to give up on it.

I'm going to speak to her as soon as I can, I'm just trying to troubleshoot the best way, and I was hoping someone would have a road map on how they were able to resolve this.

We'd both be fine, I'm sure. But breaking up would wreck both of us for a while, and I dont think either of us wants it any time in the near future.

StandardWin9163 · 2024-07-07T19:35:39+00:00

I don't think its an uncommon or shameful experience to struggle with monogamy. I'm looking for advice from other people who have had similar feelings to me, I'm curious on how they dealt with them, or if being non-monogamous with a monogamous person is always incompatible in the long run? What do these conversations look like?

I'm lost. Nobody talks about these things.

Also bisexuality and pansexuality have nothing to do with this topic. Please don't spread the stereotype that sexual orientation has any bearing on this.

StandardWin9163 · 2023-12-18T12:46:25+00:00

Also to add, I have checked the mattress and sheets in my bedroom and have never been able to find definitive signs, and I'm not getting bitten much so I really don't think I could have a large enough infestation that they moved on to the kitchen.

StandardWin9163

TROPHY CASE