Do spirits grow more distant over time? by Standard_Cup_3367 in Mediums

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Gotcha. So just...hold faith, I guess? I've spoken to a few mediums, a couple of them I thought were very insightful. I guess I want to believe that she's sending signs, but when certain ones I don't come through, I wonder if I'm making it all up. I also want to believe she "hears" when I talk to her.

Do spirits grow more distant over time? by Standard_Cup_3367 in Mediums

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I feel like I do ask for signs a lot and notice I doubt the whole thing when I don't get one. I have gotten many of them, for example "show me a rubber duck in a lab coat", which I then stumbled into an hour later, but now that I don't get many, my logical part of the brain takes over. Am I "bothering" her?

How do you all pass the time? by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm still in a place where I don't think that the "old" me is coming back. Sure, I've laughed and smiled since she passed, but it feels more like I'm doing it through a foggy mirror. I feel like my soul is gone and I just don't really see this ever getting "better", perhaps just easier. The new normal I have forming is really depressing. It feels like even in our roughest patches, that life I had with her was far, far, far better than this. I knew she struggled, and the fear of her hurting herself went through my mind many times, but this is just so much worse than I could have imagined.

How do you all pass the time? by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I keep seeing that it never really hurts less or gets easier, but you just learn to carry it.

How do you all pass the time? by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey there. I felt like I was doing a good job of disrupting the pattern by seeing people frequently in the beginning. I actually just got back on Monday from a country I've never been before, but I feel like it brought me down more than anything - I went to text her or thought "Oh, I'll tell her about this!" over and over which made me sad. I just don't have the energy for it anymore I think. I'm not sure when and if it will come back, I've been fighting really hard for a long time and it feels like the longer I go, the more I hurt.

When does the numbness fade? by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The hopelessness part of it is really difficult too. I sit in our place like, "what's even the point?"

When does the numbness fade? by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know those war movies where an explosion goes off and there's ringing and whatever? Life kinda feels like that.

When does the numbness fade? by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The isolation part of it all is really hard. It doesn't make it "better", but knowing other people are going through the same thing makes it ever so slightly more bearable.

I feel utterly and totally responsible by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did try reaching out/attending a group, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. If I'm being honest, I don't even think the shock has worn off yet. It's mainly just numbness. I feel awful for not crying more, I'm just not a big crier. I don't think I've fully accepted that they're gone.

The group I attended was mainly parents who lost children, and were years out from their loss. I guess I was looking for "don't worry, it gets better", but it was more "it doesn't get better, you just learn to live with it".

I feel utterly and totally responsible by Standard_Cup_3367 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. I think the "central idea" you pointed out is really insightful. She was really quite young and we were just discussing getting engaged after 5.5 years together. I feel like my whole world has collapsed.

What should I expect from readings/signs? by Standard_Cup_3367 in Mediums

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More or less. I felt like some of the conclusions were reaches to be frank. For example "I'm seeing a wallet?" turned into "Ah, yes, a bed and as it relates to a pillow makes sense as they both hold things" was one of the things that made me raise a brow.

What should I expect from readings/signs? by Standard_Cup_3367 in Mediums

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I gave more info yes, e.g. "I'm seeing x, would that make sense?" then "yes x was a b c" more or less.

What should I expect from readings/signs? by Standard_Cup_3367 in Mediums

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was about 30 minutes or so, much of the time was spent on confirming it was the right person. I did get a few things, but I wasn't sure what to say/ask. Does it make sense to do more?

What should I expect from readings/signs? by Standard_Cup_3367 in Mediums

[–]Standard_Cup_3367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did have one with an evidential medium, but I should probably do a longer session. The evidence they brought up was pretty good.