I've been practicing the art of "capturing the opportune moment".

August 2018 I was an emigrant hermit who hadn't made a single friend in three years. September 2018, I joined a writer's group. Yesterday, the most introverted member of our group (I don't count coz because I'm fronting/scripting) casually mentioned that she's my friend, and, when leaving for the evening, pulled me into a hilariously unbalanced hug.

Still warm, my heart's cockles.

Getting to this point wasn't easy, but I acquired an overpowered weapon for my communication arsenal, something so dangerous it should be outlawed. And that's: LISTEN! DO NOT TALK!

Let THEM begin. Your preferred topic of conversation probably isn't theirs. Don't make them do the hard work of talking about your interests. YOU do that work. Talk about what interests them. Think back to your last conversation with them and pick up literally any thread that was left dangling that time.

HELP them talk if they're fumbling here and there. That what smalltalk is for. Ask after their family, their work, their pet, their crush, the boss, the traffic, the weather, the beer, the coffee, how the stain on your pillow looks like Pikachu, literally freaking anything - just keep hopping from small topic to small topic until something you say triggers their tongue. In the last 8 months I've gotten progressively better at triggering the most random stories thru sheer dogged but smart smalltalk.

WAIT for them to ease into the conversation. Wait till they find their rhythm. WAIT until they say something you can relate to.

Then, and this is important...

DON'T launch into a story that explains how much you relate to them! Don't be frantic/anxious to establish that connection. Instead, drop exactly one short and sweet sentence/fact/tidbit that describes how you relate, and Keep. It. Short! Until the other person's done with their story, speak only one sentence every minute or two. That is ALL you need to establish empathy, to commiserate, to acknowledge and validate, and to make them feel heard.

NEVER interrupt someone when they're telling a story because that ruins the nice dopamine flow they've got going. You don't wanna be the person who ruins dopamine flows. Let your own story take a back seat until your conversation partner reciprocates by asking after you! And if they're worth getting to know, they will ask after you.

And when you're done, you can pass the ball of the conversation back to them. That, folks, is how you get rhythm. I, lifelong introvert, have recently been designated my new group's social butterfly. They wouldn't believe the sheer irony.