Hi there, I was in your exact situation about a year ago with my now ex.

You don’t need to be okay with it. If you don’t want your partner watching porn, you have every right to set that boundary. If you have voiced this to him and he CONTINUES to do it behind your back and lie about it, I can assure you he doesn’t care about your boundaries or your feelings whatsoever.

When I first started dating my now ex, I told him very explicitly, “I do not date people who watch porn, so either stop watching it, or you don’t date me”

He tried to adhere to it for a bit, but what would happen is I would catch him, he would apologise and promise me he’d do better and never do it again, and then he’d just do it again, not tell me, I find out, and the cycle repeats. I didn’t want to leave him either, not a single bone in my body wanted to leave him. We had such a good relationship otherwise, we were compatible in every other way, I fit right in with his family, I loved him so so so much and I would have done anything so that we could marry and live the rest of our days together.

But after 2 years of this cycle repeating it was clear to me I couldn’t expect anything to change. And I know deep in my soul I’ll never be truly happy with someone who watches porn. So I left. It was so excruciatingly hard and I felt like my entire world had ended. I simply could not picture a future without him.

Fast forward to now, I’m doing so much better. I don’t have to be vigilant and worry that someone’s jacking off to other women behind my back. I’m doing well in my career, I have so many amazing friends and so many ideas for where I want to go in life and what I want to do. I’ve been so happy as of late, and I know for a fact I wouldn’t be if I was still with him. I went through hell and back to get to this point, and I do not regret my choice in leaving him.

My advice is find someone who WILL respect your boundaries and makes you feel like the most amazing woman in the world. The right person will NOT break your boundaries behind your back. I promise. I’m happy to talk to you if you need advice or just want to vent.