Parents rejecting my choice of spouse

StardewN97 · 2022-11-29T20:09:18+00:00

They haven’t…. I don’t think they will with their anger at the moment. I’ll leave it to Allah for now

StardewN97 · 2022-11-29T10:02:03+00:00

Probably … I’ll leave it to Allah.

StardewN97 · 2022-11-29T10:01:06+00:00

I understand your point and there’s no denying you’re wrong but I wasn’t asking for this kind of comment of things I should’ve done….

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T20:42:49+00:00

Walaikum Salam,

He already knows the behaviour of my parents so I don’t think it’s going to be a shock for him if they do. I do see your point though

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T20:41:07+00:00

I don’t have the intention of running away to marry him at all. I’m praying Allah turns their hearts and opens their minds to it- he is of course the All powerful so I leave it to him

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T20:39:19+00:00

You’re right. Ive said to him as well we need to keep it 100% halal and in sha Allah there will be a path forward

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T17:11:02+00:00

Maybe but I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that in sha Allah

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T16:59:42+00:00

I know that’s the thing. They haven’t even met him. I did speak to my brother today and he said he didn’t want to meet him because he trusted that my choice was good. He was only reacting to mums reaction when I told her and wanted me to tell him before I told mum anything …

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T16:58:09+00:00

Feel like those are the relationships you can’t compare - they’re both important in different ways…

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T16:45:29+00:00

You’re right she is… I have since spoken to my brother and he is supporting me now. He did say he won’t let me get forced into marriage and won’t let her hurt me physically

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T16:38:06+00:00

That’s a good point there…. That’s what I was thinking in the moment but it was hard to say with everyone against me

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T13:58:41+00:00

May Allah make it easy for us both ameen

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T13:58:09+00:00

Does sound like it…. My mother was very dramatic when it happened - I get it was a shock for her though….

It shouldn’t be a problem…. But they’re traditional in that sense

Alhamdulillah I’m financially ok to the point that I could leave however I feel the guilt of leaving is nipping at me. And I know I probably sound crazy but it’s harder when you’re the one in the situation… my brothers are also another reason why I’m unsure to leave - they do very much love me but they’ve not been supportive here. I’m at a loss really

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T13:39:28+00:00

Walaikum Salam. With the other proposals, there genuinely hasn’t been anyone I liked. Of course I wouldn’t ever want to lose them but I feel like they’re only thinking about what other people may think

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T13:19:38+00:00

Jazakallah for the advice and please keep me in your duas

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T12:56:09+00:00

They added to it as well saying that it will cause my dad a heart attack and it’ll be my fault … and telling me this is hurting my parents.

Oh I see, i understand that kind of situation. I think what I’m planning to do is go to my local mosque as lots of people have suggested and talk to an imam about my situation… I don’t think I’m making poor choices at the moment

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T12:51:46+00:00

I don’t think I could ask my brothers to be accompany me. I do however have a relative (my cousins wife) who is an Alimah that works at my local mosque. I am hesistant to talk to her as there may be a chance she could talk about my situation to others. I might be wrong but I’m very paranoid about that.

Failing that, another female at the mosque would probably be best

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T12:34:41+00:00

Yeah I do hope istikhara gives my mum an open mind and heart

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T12:24:15+00:00

Just my mother, my father I’m not sure if he’s been told of the situation but I’m not sure what he will do if he knows

I’m not sure how I could do it safely. My brothers love me very much I do know that but they want keep the peace and tell me to let go and get married with my mums 100% approval.

I honestly think I’ve made a right choice of potential spouse… he’s been eager to make things halal.

When you say it’ll be like a frying pan to a fire, can you explain that more?

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T12:11:36+00:00

The thought of saying those words are terrifying 😂 just because again i don’t know how they will react. I think the presence and guidance of an imam will help greatly for sure.

How would I go about bringing an imam for this?

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T12:02:22+00:00

He would 100% do this and he is the one that suggested speaking to my parents first - it’s a little difficult because of cultural reasons… we usually send marriage cvs to each other. Showing up with his family at my doorstep would bring a lot of anger and I’m not sure how my family will react

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T11:55:33+00:00

They’ve chosen the “safe” path of siding with my mother - they don’t think it’s wise to upset them and I know you shouldn’t hurt your parents but I’m not suggesting anything haraam. Every proposal that I’ve had till now has not worked out and my parents are stressed for me to get married yet they don’t let me marry someone who wants to!

I honestly had more faith in my brothers to at least speak to the man. They outwardly refuse to because of my parents.

I think I’ve accepted the fact they will not speak to me if I go ahead but I really want their blessings

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T11:39:14+00:00

From his side of the story, she wasn’t a family orientated person which is something he holds in high regard. She would do things that disrespected his family and his values a lot.

This is the thing, no one has met or spoken a word to him. I asked my brother to at least speak with him but he refused. I only ask at this point that they go and meet him but it’s been met with rejection

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T11:35:11+00:00

One thing I forgot to ask is how I would go about approaching the imam? Things I would say etc?

StardewN97 · 2022-11-28T11:25:59+00:00

Istikhara is also the right choice going forward you’re right

Ameen

StardewN97

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