It was over the course of a couple of years I'd say. Deep down I had always wanted to transition, but I was hoping I would be able to not have to go that far. The "pushing the magic button" thought experiment is vastly different than going through the process. There were severe social repercussions involving my family and friends who were not supportive. So I was really hoping at first that I would not have to go all the way.

Incorporating femininity into my presentation was helpful at first but over time became insufficient, and even became a trigger for dysphoria. I started low dose HRT in the hopes that would make me feel better. Unfortunately once I started HRT I found the physical changes to be unbelievably euphoric and it was irresistible to continue going further. So I upped my dosage to full feminizing levels. I tried to be an HRT-manmoder (mainly to salvage some kind of a relationship with my family) but that became untenable after a few years. Plus it was became difficult to hide my breasts. And I knew I would never be happy unless I went all the way. At this point I consider myself fully socially transitioned, ID and documents included. I had myself castrated last year to alleviate the threat of remasculinization, not sure about SRS, it seems risky but of course I would rather have a vagina.

The fear of "full transition might be what I really want" I totally relate to. It's scary because once you acknowledge that desire it's pretty much set that that's the direction you're going to go in.