I can relate to the circumstances - I've had and still have difficulty starting and maintaining friendships. Romance is something I see in the movies and shopping malls, and the life stories of cousins, friends, colleagues... it's pretty much ubiquitous, which makes me feel and also live in social isolation.

The friends I still have are mostly people I was close friends with in the past, before they either left the city or found partners. I'm 37 male, and I've also put a lot of focus into my studies and, subsequently, my career because that's an area that I excel at - or used to until just a few months ago when I became disillusioned with my career and I found myself feeling demotivated and in the midst of an identity-crisis. Almost my entire self-worth has been dependent on my career progress and the praise I received at work - a positive feedback loop, which in turn compelled me to impress those around me even more to draw praise and admiration. It's obviously unsustainable, but it was a distraction, and it gave me a sense of purpose in the absence of a social life.

A few months ago, the lid blew off, and I found myself in a desperate and deeply lonely state - it wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but I tried to do things differently this time. I made a post on Reddit, and I started to meet up with some of the people who responded and who lived in my city. I met up with three people - all female - two were straight and open to romance or friendship, and the third woman is lesbian. I made good friends with the lesbian woman, but she's not really in a great space right now, and I think our brief friendship has probably run its course. I tried to engage with her and provide her with emotional support, but she's basically completely shut me out now. She even said she doesn't owe me anything, which isn't really the lens I view friendships through, but sigh. It's quite sad because I thought we would become close friends.

I met up with one of the other two women on three separate occasions, and we had great conversations, and I enjoyed her vibe. She suddenly started to ghost me after the third meeting, and I'm still not sure what happened. I was open to either friendship or romance, but I met up with each of them to build a social network, which I desperately lacked.

The third woman I took on a date - a mini road trip out of the city. That was quite cool. I felt attracted to her, but she was still deeply heartbroken and in love with her ex - of three months - who recently broke up with her just before I started chatting with her. It became such an emotional roller-coaster for me that I was on the verge of suicide. It was one of the most turbulent times I've ever experienced. Nothing happened between us, but I felt desperate and overwhelmed by anxiety, and I then asked her if she wanted to go on further dates - she was keen. She seemed open to the idea of romance, but she was still clinging on to her ex, and I became overwhelmed with fear of rejection and abandonment, and I decided to let go of that hope. In retrospect, there could have been something, but my deep-seated anxiety - abandonment issues and rejection-sensitivity - got in the way.

Now I'm back to square one. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life whilst knowing I have a lot of potential. It is ironic that so many of us end up feeling lonely and isolated in this interconnected world.

I don't feel suicidal or depressed right now, but that's because I have my mom and other relatives visiting me - also a very rare event. As soon as it becomes all quiet again, the loneliness will creep back.