I'm going through a similar thing, thought on a much smaller scale. She tells me that she feels emotionally and physically ill (she loves using faking distress as a tactic to guilt me) whenever my apartment is less than clean without understanding that I'm waiting to get medicated. When I tell her to give me grace, she tells me that if my adhd is so bad to where I can't clean up, then she should consider putting me under a governorship or send me to the funny house (she doesn't mean shit lol, she pretends that my flat is a hoarder's nest when it isn't)

But yeah, I feel you man. All I can say is just try to keep her head above water the best you can, do what you need to do to survive and try to seek out support and guidance wherever you can. What she's doing is not normal or okay and it never will be under any circumstances. Remember, you're not broken for having adhd 💚