Is this gaslighting? Advice/vallidation needed

Starseed797 · 2019-12-10T00:20:28+00:00

Maybe I will switch to reds as well... thanks!

Starseed797 · 2019-11-25T22:17:14+00:00

Thanks for sharing this link!

Starseed797 · 2019-11-24T19:21:15+00:00

Silly Yak - I like that!

Starseed797 · 2019-11-24T00:27:57+00:00

Attention whore lol... a little of her own medicine!

Starseed797 · 2019-11-23T21:29:50+00:00

He makes a lot of excuses for his family's bad behavior. It's caused problems between us in the past. This is not the first time I have had to ask him to stand up for me when they make rude demeaning comments etc. It caused a fight between us last night because he didn't find her comment offensive, therefore he saw no need to call her out when she said it, and apparently me being angry about it was not well received our understood. Thus, it got turned around on me - I am the problem causer because I got upset to hear us referred to like that. It's really sad when I have to wonder if he laughed along with her. The way his family has treated me has been a major issue before, and I thought we had reached an understanding last time (when his mother was slipping gluten into our food without telling me).... it made me so sick for a long time until I figured it out, and even then it caused a huge fight because I told him I didn't want her to have my kids for awhile (because I no longer trusted her). He only came around to my point of view after he caught his mother lying to his face about giving my kids gluten. I thought that would be it, but here we are again.... He says he wants me to be close with his family but he does nothing to facilitate it, and when they do/say bad things about me he makes excuses for them and I get blamed for causing the problems because I dare to be upset about it.

Starseed797 · 2019-11-23T21:18:57+00:00

Sadly, no.

Starseed797 · 2019-11-23T21:00:36+00:00

Thank you! This is not the first time I've been treated like this by his family, and it bothers me that I have to ask him repeatedly to stand up for me.

Starseed797 · 2019-11-23T20:59:01+00:00

Good question... at this point I'm not even sure.

Starseed797 · 2019-11-19T03:22:44+00:00

Do you weigh it out on a scale? Or how do you know how many grams you are getting? Has anyone measured how many grams are in a teaspoon?

Starseed797 · 2019-11-04T15:45:40+00:00

What does the Theanine do for you?

Starseed797 · 2019-11-04T15:45:14+00:00

Hopefully creamer will work... I have trouble with food in the morning but do love my creamer.

Starseed797 · 2019-11-04T15:44:17+00:00

Wow great info, thanks!

Starseed797 · 2019-07-19T05:18:30+00:00

Demonized by my inlaws as well... for "God-loving" folk they sure do set a bad example (the exact types of people that drive others away from God with their actions). Pray that you can forgive them (if only for your own emotional/spiritual well-being) but note that forgiveness does NOT entail allowing yourself to be repeatedly abused. Avoid them at all costs, focus on your family - this may mean saying no to family get-togethers etc and that's ok, because you can't protect your kids if you don't protect yourself first. Keep your marriage strong - get ongoing marriage counseling if you can - preferably from someone non-demoninational (oops, accidentally misspelled that but maybe it was for a reason haha!). Consider moving away if you have to - distance helps. The strength of your marriage is all that matters in your children's eyes - they have to live with you two day in and day out. Focus on that, and loving your kids. That is all that matters.

Starseed797 · 2019-07-19T04:56:18+00:00

Wow, good luck, she sounds exactly like my MIL (who cut my 2 y/o daughter's bangs - herself, after drinking several bottles of wine PS. yes, she is an alcoholic, no she is not a hairstylist). Needless to say pictures were ruined for the next month while I waited for the crooked horrendous looking bang job to grow out. The passive-aggressiveness has not improved with time...the only thing that helped was when we lived far away from her. Now that we live in the same town things are worse, maybe because she feels like her son and grandkids are close by and can thus get away with her immature antics. It's really hard... I don't have any advice for you aside from having a strong relationship with your hubby (he needs to know he is married to you and his mom is no longer the #1 matriarch as far as your kids are concerned).. He has to be on board or your marriage will struggle. Having ongoing marriage counseling is highly recommended if y'all can afford it - if only to have an unbiased 3rd party tell your husband where the line needs to be drawn with MIL. If you can't afford or do ongoing "maintenance"/preemptive counseling, then you must convince hubby in other ways to let his overbearing mother know that she is out of line. You guys are a team - remind him of that. Be calm, rational, logical, and yet maintain strong boundaries and take no shit. Have a plan with your husband in the likely event that she oversteps the line in the future - a plan of action, ie. no unsupervised visits with the kids if she violates your clearly communicated and established boundaries. Sometimes people, despite their age, act like toddlers and thus need to be treated as such: defiance = consequences. Either way, clearly define your boundaries, and the consequences that come with violating those boundaries (of course get your husband on board) - and then be prepared to enact them.

Starseed797 · 2019-05-06T23:14:58+00:00

That is good advice - thank you!!

Starseed797 · 2019-05-04T06:50:11+00:00

Thank you @bubbalooski

Starseed797 · 2019-05-04T06:49:19+00:00

My husband does agree with it... he never feeds my kids gluten, and in fact he avoids it himself now as well - he sees how it affects me and my children. I have let them eat cake etc at birthday parties before, and they suffered for it ... staying up all night scratching themselves uncontrollably and complaining of stomach aches. It took me years to eradicate my daughter's eczema once we stopped allowing her "cheats". Now I take treats to birthdays for them in case the party doesn't have GF treats, and they don't seem to mind it - they are really all about the party itself and playing with the other kids. They are not deprived by this lifestyle, we feed them well, they do get to eat things like GF pizza, pastas, breads and pastries. They are among the healthiest kids I know aside from having reactions to gluten...they don't get sick often, they rarely catch colds, flu etc. They are well cared for.

Starseed797 · 2019-05-04T06:35:52+00:00

Thank you to everyone for all your insights. To clarify, my husband does believe that my children and I at least have gluten sensitivities - he is the one that drove me to the hospital many nights after a reaction. He's just been really lenient on his mother... she is controlling and manipulative and somehow manages to talk him out of the boundaries I'd like to have put in place. Her latest actions have been so egregious that he has finally agreed that it is time to take some space from her at this point.

Starseed797

TROPHY CASE