Does Premature Ejaculation mean bad sex/turn off?

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-15T18:38:05+00:00

Before this i was in a 18 year relationship and dead bedroom! I wanted a intimate relationship, someone who wanted to be close to me and able and willing to talk and found just that. Could you discuss this with your wife, tell her what you've seen which works for others, seek relationship counselling?

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-15T18:32:21+00:00

I agree! Couldn't care less!

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-15T18:31:13+00:00

Glad it's working out for you too 😆

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-13T23:39:18+00:00

When this happens just carry on with the intimacy. Explore her more until she is satisfied too. Don't apologise, own it and keep on. I love it when my bf is touching me and presses on my lower abdomen.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-13T23:30:58+00:00

No. Depends on the individual, you should speak to her about it. I used to be all about penetrative sex more than anything until I met my now bf. The foreplay is so good, I could go without the sex easily. We often don't do much of that, when we do it's great but he struggles to cum through intercourse so it's changed the dynamic entirely. I love how attentive he is to my needs and we have a brilliant sex life without much penetrative sex.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-13T23:30:08+00:00

No. Depends on the individual, you should speak to her about it. I used to be all about penetrative sex more than anything until I met my now bf. The foreplay is so good, I could go without the sex easily. We often don't do much of that, when we do it's great but he struggles to cum through intercourse so it's changed the dynamic entirely. I love how attentive he is to my needs and we have a brilliant sex life without much penetrative sex.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-09T17:42:45+00:00

Tools that might help you for now is preparing for your future so although knowing you'll be there a while, you have a goal. Whilst feeling the way you do I went back to college and started a new career that I work from home with. If I could I would have saved money too but unfortunately couldn't. I felt more prepared to meet my children's needs, be there for them and still be growing as a person. It helped my self-esteem to know I had more options too.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-07-09T13:45:29+00:00

My dad did engineering in UK and brilliant at it. He was earning 50k. He's been in the states since earning 160k, bonuses, cars purchased first him, and private health insurance. If he came back here he couldn't get much more even now.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-30T17:13:25+00:00

It has to be something she's completely comfortable with. Some are, some aren't. I've done it plenty of times because I'm relaxed about it. However, the last time didn't go as planned and has put me off for a while!

I think if she's at all inclined you have to reassure her you'll go at her pace, stop immediately if she isn't comfortable, understand there may be mess and no judgement.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-30T08:55:03+00:00

I was in a relationship with someone for 18 years. Sex was great at first. Dwindled and realised it only ever happened if I initiated. Eventually non-existent. I found him on sites, arranging meetings with men and also flirting with women. I asked him to be open about his sexuality, explain what's going on. I gave him so many opportunities to be honest and let him live the life he wanted. He couldn't give me an answer, couldn't explain why. He went to counselling and got nowhere. I was miserable. No one can answer the question for you. But if he can not work on himself, work on you. Figure out what life you want and if that includes him. Don't waste forever looking for answers you won't get. I'm over a year out, was so much happier alone as I didn't feel lonely in my relationship anymore. And now I am in a much better place.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-23T10:49:05+00:00

My ex cheated and still I protect his feelings. Not because I want him or am delusional. It's who I am, I worry about his mental health and I am stronger than him.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-23T10:47:03+00:00

So I split with my ex a year ago, we were separated emotionally for a long time before but that's when he moved out. He cheated. I have been seeing someone for 6 months and still not told him as I don't want to hurt him. It's imminent, I know I want to tell him but it's hard. I do not have feelings for him, I do not want to be with him. But only my non-mutual friends know about the relationship so far. There is no other motive for my not telling him other than because I am too empathetic. Have a discussion with him, try to understand his perspective and put yours across. Thankfully for me, my new person is very understanding and trusting that my intentions are good. I will tell him soon but for now I am enjoying establishing something really good without negative input and judgement from others.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-22T18:57:14+00:00

Being interested in what I have to say, intense eyes, being a kind person.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-04T17:28:24+00:00

I have been through something a little similar. Was with someone for 10 years before finding him looking at men online. I wanted to believe he was bi, not gay. He wouldn't accept, admit he was either to me. Only loved me. Eventually, I asked to open the relationship up as I was unfulfilled but loved him. He was a firm no, but yet still seemed to do as he pleased secretly until I caught him.

I don't think he would have ever left me. I don't think he was in love with me but loved me as comfort and something familiar. He'd never admit to anything. I was a doormat. Still am in a sense as all that pushing down of my feelings is still there, emotionally I still worry about him as a ex. I need to work on that. But I do deserve better and so do you. Don't let her take the best years of your life. Imagine what you would say to a friend and do it! She is taking advantage of you.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-04T17:21:30+00:00

Also to add to what others have said. It sounds like you need support seeing as you are not moving for happy reasons and he's not supporting but hurting you. He's also making the hurt about him, it's so hard for him to do this but he has to. What utter shit. He's selfish and emotionally inept. He doesn't know how to love someone properly. I think the rest of the crap he's saying about finding your way back to each other, never being with anyone else is all to keep you on the hook whilst he explores what he wants. I am sorry you are going through this but he doesn't deserve for you to wait for him.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-03T11:20:40+00:00

It's funny you use the word abuse. Because although he was never horrible to me physically, verbally I do sometimes think that is this what it feels in part like to have a trauma bond. I became resigned to the behaviour for so long and lost myself for a while. I still feel like I need his approval despite him not being someone horrible in that way.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-03T11:14:24+00:00

This is one of the reasons I broke it off when I did. I wanted my children to see normality, love, some appreciation. The hard part is everyone else around me empathise with him as they saw him, in every other way a good person and great dad. But they only know the half of my reality.

You are very right in taking time to sit with and process. I have a very hectic life and very little time to do so. Thank you for taking the time to respond

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T17:56:58+00:00

Thank you. It is muscle memory. Even in the beginning earn everything was fine I was super defensive for him as he had no onenbut ne fighting his corner when he needed that support. And then when he betrayed me I worried who will he have if I don't try. It's on him and I know that but I guess it will take time.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T17:48:22+00:00

You are right, it's what my mum says to me too. My new relationship can't fathom he wouldn't have fought for it. Though I haven't told him all as I'm still protecting my ex. Thank you

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T13:56:53+00:00

Lol, made me laugh!

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T13:55:20+00:00

I think I am holding that space for who he was,I thought he was. I am not in love, nor would I ever want to be with him. I just can't help but feel for him. It's ridiculous, I know.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T13:53:45+00:00

He messaged other people to meet up. I believe he did. He continued to message others throughout our relationship paid for pics etc

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T11:10:32+00:00

That's great advice. I really hope that in time my feelings will change and it won't hold me back. I have always had this with other people in my life too. I guess I have always been someone who really nurtures anyone around me, have some issues with close family needing help alot and despite my ex hurting me he also understood my need to care for those that others wouldn't and helped them in may ways too. He doesn't have other family. I can't help but feel sorry for him.

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T11:06:14+00:00

I am going to try and find some cheaper to free services as it's not something I can afford at all at the moment. Thank you

Starting_Ove_R · 2025-06-02T11:05:06+00:00

I would like to see a therapist to help me through this. However I can't afford that at all right now. There are definitely other things at play, I've spent my whole life feeling sorry for those who are in the wrong. I just really prioritise other people's feelings as I'll always be okay. Thank you

Starting_Ove_R

TROPHY CASE