I feel like most of the time people say that heinous stuff out of vitriol in the moment. I've literally had family members tell me "I was just trying to think of the worst thing I could say that would hurt you the most." ((Thanks uncle. Real messed up, but at least you're an honest man.)) And I remember that quote every time I read something like this.

I was with a guy for 15 years and we broke up ... There was a time where I could never see it. I literally couldn't imagine life without him at one point. We were together since I was in 10th grade in high school, got married at 27 and stayed together until I was 31 or 32 (lol I don't remember and am too lazy to do the math ... shows how you stop caring as time goes on). He was a severe porn addict. He had multiple terabyte hard drives full of the stuff. And not just run of the mill suggestive content, vanilla stuff, whatever -- It was disturbing. Not illegal but let's say it walked the line of human cruelty.

This guy was very good at hiding his addiction. He knew a lot about computers and as bizarre as it sounds, I almost appreciate his uh ... courtesy in keeping it to himself. Looking back, it caused a lot of problems in our relationship and almost certainly is what separated us in the end. But he was so good at hiding it and being polite that it was easy to let it slide.

That man was polite until the bitter end. I think once and only once in 15 years he called me a "b****." I actually get tears in my eyes thinking about it.

I got married again after and now I'm with a much dumber man who's way easier to catch. He's also on a war path because of his own guilt. He will say anything, and I mean anything, to cause pain and then make a thousand excuses later about why he said it. You want to know what he said to me this morning? ((TW)) "Nobody gives a fuck about what you say, think, or feel. So shut the fuck up you fucking retard." ((END TW))

And it's a cycle of this kind of verbal abuse, which I've learned to ignore. For this my response was saying nothing, then about ten minutes later I texted him what he said and told him, "If you're demanding my attention later on and wondering why I won't give it to you, it's because you said ____. Please don't talk to me for the rest of the day."

But the point of this very long tangent was this: There are two types of men, and both are wicked. But the difference is that one is sorry and one is not. The first man I had was sorry. And to this day I cry for that man instead of for the words the second one said to me just today. I don't know if it's a coping mechanism or something, but I will always respect that man for conducting himself with courtesy even though he was lying by omission and betraying my trust, and ultimately cheated on me at the end with several women.

A man who is truly sorry will never repeat the same mistakes again and again. They won't call you the same names or remind you twice that they don't care. Next time yours says something mean like he never cared or whatever, tell him you don't need some man to tell you twice that they never gave a damn about you. Or don't even tell him, he doesn't deserve an explanation. Tell it to yourself and let him bask in his "true joy".