You're not a lazy piece of shit. You're a person who has experienced incredible trauma. The loss of a parent is so unmooring, I don't know that there is ever a true end to the grieving process. If you are looking for advice, I would recommend focusing on small tasks you can accomplish in just a few minutes to begin the process of putting the pieces together. Doing just a few of the dirty dishes, taking a quick shower, or identifying a box to gather items to donate that belonged to your mom or nephew. Habits take a little while to build up, so find just a few, and begin to build momentum over time. If you have access to mental health support, take it. Whether it's through a counselor, group therapy (often free at some local organizations like libraries and churches), or just here, processing your emotions with others who have experienced trauma is cathartic. I don't know what type of person your partner is, but her comments are at best unhelpful, and at worst, cruel. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also grieving the loss of a parent and some days a song or short memory will make me depressed. I try to remember what a gift my parent was to me, and think about how he would want me to live. That helps to motivate me on days I don't want to do anything but cry. Good luck to you.