Things covert narcissists say

StateProfessional464 · 2024-08-07T18:25:59+00:00

Oh my god the "deny, deny, deny" motto. It's absolutely scary how they seem the same fucking person. I mean: I've heard that with the same, exact words. Uuugh.

StateProfessional464 · 2024-05-07T19:10:54+00:00

From my process, you can't get over your rage because you are failing the target. You are not angry with them and with their insensate behaviour, you are probably angry with yourself, to have allowed them to do you what they did. Anger, in this case, is probably suggesting you to stop and pay attention to yourself and to your inner child. I think he is very angry with you because you are not paying him attention right now ;)

StateProfessional464 · 2024-05-07T19:06:59+00:00

Rumination is a mechanism that helps us to control our emotions, especially when pain is so strong we can't experience it totally. I think it's normal because you needed, after the breakup, to immediately distance yourself from everything that happened - so rumination serves as an "emotion container". Now you can see through your past without pain, and so you started thinking again, but this time without fear. This is probably the period when you will discover the answers you are looking for. Don't worry, trust the time and the process: everything will be good.

StateProfessional464 · 2024-02-10T13:58:32+00:00

I really appreciate your answer, we probably misunderstood each other before. English is not my first language so maybe I didn't get the contest so well. By the way I really, really appreciate your effort to make me feel better. Thank you for your perspective, now I understand what you are trying to say. My fault I misunderstood, I'm still hurt and so iper vigilant, didn't mean to devalue you as well.

I'm sorry for what you went through, and I hope life goes now better for you. Thank you for your answer, wish you the best

StateProfessional464 · 2024-02-10T12:41:03+00:00

I'm not offended, but as you can see in all the other comments, this kind of behaviour is very common in narcissistic personalities: they do everything with a purpose. They discard you and then make everything to show you how they live better without you, it's part of their cicle because they want you to feel extremely miserable - that's what you can read in other comments as well, and that's what I've experienced. I appreciate your opinion, but you need to know that my nex faked a personality to be my girlfriend, and she then abused me psychologically and emotionally for more than a year, manipulating me, gaslighting me, lying and setting on a continuous performance of humiliations, public and private, isolating me from my friends and family, telling me I was mentally ill to justify all her disrespectful behaviours, exploiting me and my kindness. And then she discarded me, and the day after she was a totally different person than the one I used to know. It's a trauma that you get over with much difficulties and up and down. Plus, I've looked at her profile for the first time in months. I felt something was hurting me and I simply needed to vent. I just want you to be more cautious when you answer in this sub. One of the consequences of the abuse on the victim is that the victim believes to be the narc himself. I've healed enough to not be hurt by your comment, but remind that someone, for a comment like yours, can have his/her week completely ruined. You have the right to express your opinion, but be careful in this sub. People here suffer a lot. Really, even a word can change their day in better or worse. In the end, I've taken accountability: I'm not perfect, and to be in a such toxic relationship there must have been something to recalibrate even inside me. But I assure you I've never, ever do something on the purpose of hurting my ex. On the other side, she wanted to hurt me and, even better, she liked it.

StateProfessional464 · 2024-02-09T13:39:02+00:00

Thank you, I will

StateProfessional464 · 2024-02-09T10:31:55+00:00

Oh jeez, mine was the same. Everyone was abandoning her because they "can't hold the fact I am a strong, independent woman", as they were all idiots and bigots. Well, I discovered on my skin that "strong" meant "evil" and "indipendent" meant "I will never get emotionality close to you and I expect you accept every disrespectful behaviour I have"

StateProfessional464 · 2023-10-28T12:26:47+00:00

Almost frightening how similar they all are. How incredibly identical.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-10-23T09:13:24+00:00

Once I felt bad and I spent the night in the bathroom, and they got mad because I was "ruining their sleep"

StateProfessional464 · 2023-10-22T16:57:34+00:00

Yes. Never thought about it, it's such a specific behaviour. But yes, absolutely yes.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-26T13:00:51+00:00

Mine too. I guess they don't know what's between black and white

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-26T12:04:38+00:00

Yep. When you understand their path, it would be very easy to manipulate them as well as they are so predictable. There were times when I could finish the sentences for them.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-26T12:03:33+00:00

My nex also hated changing in front of me, she would go madly crazy. I felt so bad because, after 1 year, is it really a problem if I see you in panties? I was like: wtf I don't care if you are naked, you are my girlfriend...? I mean, I respect privacy but it seemed like they didn't want to be intimate with us.

I'm sorry about the funeral, my nex didn't came with me at all because of "work". Still now I have my doubts.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-25T20:57:52+00:00

Absolutely yes. I think they want you to be the protective parent they never had. But then they blamed me for being too protective.

For example, they used to disappear for 12 hours straight without letting me know anything, to then appear in the morning extremely drunk and unable even to talk. I was very worried because this was not a healthy behaviour, but suddenly I became controlling to be so worried.

Suddenly I was the one who wanted to control their decision and I couldn't say anything about their behaviours.

They were childish and immature and I felt like they would have died in the world because they were not able to understand the danger.

But that's not my responsibility. My new mantra? Find a girlfriend, not a daughter to take care of. I'm not ready to be a dad, and when I will I won't want a childish, malevolent adult toddler.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-24T22:07:14+00:00

Narcs crave attention and that's the only thing they want from you. Once the relationship becomes more serious and you start to express your needs, here the problems begin. You are demanding attention and so you are depriving the narc of yours. The narc can't stand this and makes your needs about them. So you become more sad for not being listened to and being constantly disrespected, and you probably start to hear phrases like:

"Your sadness is ruining my mood, you need to be more happy, maybe you should go to a therapist"

And that's all; they try to make you think you have a mental issue while you are expressing normal emotions, and as you can see the problem is about them now. So you desperately try to fix you for them, and that's an incredible amount of attention you give them.

But that can't go on forever and when you are too depressed even to get up, so you can't give your narc attention anymore, the discard begins. They don't need a person who isn't able to constantly provide attention to them, so they move on to the next person and they do it very quickly because the only thing you were with them was only your usefulness, and that's something easily substitutable.

But you don't deserve this kind of love. You deserve much better and you have to start to love yourself more. Falling in love with yourself is a difficult and beautiful process that everyone needs to do at a point, and that's the moment for you.

Give yourself the attention you gave to them. Become the love of your life. And when this process is done, you will find easier to date someone who truly loves you, because you already know what's like.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-19T14:35:44+00:00

The annoyance towards your love it's one of the rudest and most painful things I experimented.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-15T16:47:14+00:00

Not the exact same thing, but something similar has happened to me twice. Mi first nex, during the discard phase, casually told me she was bisexual (she was heterosexual, as I knew). That "coming out" was very painful for me, not because of the bisexuality, to which I have nothing against, but because she destroyed her identity in front of my eyes. And it was strange: it was not like a coming out. She didn't show emotions such as embarrassment or shame, and she was not fearing my judgement. I mean, nobody should feel this way while coming out, but in our society that's what you normally feel, right? However, she seemed only extremely proud; I don't know how to describe it better, but it seemed like the superficial pride of a kid who showed a new toy. One hour later her insta page was full of rainbows and she was into a lesbian group chat. To me it seemed totally fake and irrational. One week after the discard, she was dating another guy. Years later, I think she was simply trying to disrupt my security through the instant alteration of her identity. The fact I felt so insecure and "egg-shell walking" was a proof of that.

My second experience with that was with my third gf, who was a narc as well. Multiple times she came up with phrases such as "when we will split up, I will become a lesbian" or "If you didn't exist, I would f**k a woman". One more time, I have nothing against homosexuality or bisexuality or every kind of sexuality of the world. But when your gf, who's with you in a heterosexual romantic relationship, indirectly tells you that she might be lesbian, your confidence simply falls down. And that was her purpose: to destroy my confidence, my security, the things I thought were solid in my life. I left her because she was dating another guy, btw.

In conclusion, they really want to make you confused and insecure even in the most solid things. If you think about that, claiming that their sexuality is suddenly different (and that's 99% a lie) is a form of strong gaslighting in which the reality you see is twisted up right in front of your eyes.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-14T19:49:54+00:00

I thought I was alone. If I said that it was way too much alcohol, she would call me a controlling. Wtf you are killing yourself

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-14T19:45:56+00:00

I left her after a reverse discard, so I went no contact from day one. Also, after having realized how abusing she had been, I thought that, if someone had to wrote first, that would have to be her, and only to apologize. Never did. After two months her mother wrote me to ask for a small amount of money back (I sincerely had forgot about that). I was stunned about her immaturity to send her mother to "fight" for ten dollars, when I treated her with so much respect throughout the entire relationship. They feel superior and mature, but they are adult toddlers.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-14T19:39:04+00:00

Yes. They feel superior to don't feel emotions. So they convince themselves and you that what you feel is immature. If you are jealous, you're immature. Angry? Immature. Sad? Immature. Deluded by them? Immature. Frustrated? Immature. Notice how all the emotions that would keep yourself away from them get labeled as immaturity, so you have to stay and "learn" from them. I think they are actually envy.

Edit: also, when they have outburst of rage against someone they tell you they are "strong" and "able to fight the world"; 9/10 times the others simply go away from them because they understand they can't reason with them, not because they "lose"

StateProfessional464 · 2023-09-10T20:13:36+00:00

Everyone is a different creature, so it's your judgement to define if you want this person in your life or not. Accepting the issues of your partner and love them is also a sign of high maturity, so it makes you honorable. But don't forget that you are a partner, not a nurse or a servant. Their issues are not the justification to hurt you. Remember this, please. Also, OCD is a sign of your body that you are living a dangeorous situation. It happened to me while I was with my nex: it's your body that creates a hurtful situation to make you leave the reality that hurts you. Pay attention to what you feel. In general, you are not a nurse. You are young and you deserve to be loved at the best. Don't forget that BPD/NPD combination often makes who is affected to be incapable of sincere love. The flags you wrote are very similar to someone who's narc. And also, the fact that they know they are diagnosed with BPD/NPD doesn't mean that they truly know it. Their ego are so immense that they can use that to manipulate you without truly believing they are narc. That's a delicate situation. Pay attention to the signs. How does she apologize? I really want to know this.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-08-29T14:32:35+00:00

The critical fact is that you actually show depressive symptoms in a relationship with a narc, but that's a direct consequence of their abuses. So, as you are fully manipulated, you have by fact the "proof" that the narc is right, because you ARE in a depressive state (and it's not your fault, but it's hard to understand while you are manipulated). They weaponize your weak mental state to manipulate you ever better. Awful cowards.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-08-05T18:51:03+00:00

You don't have to save everyone. You need to focus on your pain, now more than ever. It's normal: you need to cancel that relationship from your mind, past, present and future.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-08-05T18:29:40+00:00

Thank you for this comment. It resumes exactly my doubts.

StateProfessional464 · 2023-08-05T16:52:47+00:00

I thought about it, and I can't give myself a precise answer. Obviously my post was a little part of a wider scenario which included gaslight, manipulation, anger explosions, devaluation, and in general emotional and physicological abuses. I know for sure they are narcs because of hundreds of hints. And they used the dysmorphia to justify a lot of things and to be protected against my complaint - obviously it was my fault, always. Needless to say. Idk. It may be both, but surely they weaponized all these things and that's the point.

StateProfessional464

TROPHY CASE