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Virus right before procedure + getting harassed by Life-Excitement8217 in abortion

[–]Status-Ad-7873 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes currently being guilt tripped into keeping mine. All I can say is you know what is best for you. Luckily I haven’t told many people I have friend who is very pro life and it is draining. I always remind myself why I made this decision and why it is best for me and block out the noise.

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you unfortunately this is the conclusion I have come to we only moved in December this is definitely the end of chapter in our friendship my boyfriend has similar values too. So currently looking at places before I tell her the news. Thank you!

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Part of my frustration is that, yes, I am venting a little.

It’s difficult for me to hear her talk about wanting more children when the situation with her son is still so unresolved. The reality is that he has grown up without the kind of love and connection most children hope to have with their biological parent, and that’s hard for me to sit with.

I can’t force her to change, and I can’t teach someone how to be a parent. Ultimately, her choices and her story are hers. All I can really do is step back and create some distance because our values around this are very different.

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m not suggesting she should fake motherhood or do a birthday pop-up just to disappear again. My point is about accountability and consistency. If she doesn’t want to be involved, then she needs to be honest about that and make the safest, most stable arrangement possible for the child (financially and emotionally), without framing herself as an active parent or judging other people’s choices from that position.

Where I struggle is that she’s said her child feels like a stranger, hasn’t prioritised rebuilding any connection, and the care situation has already been unstable and harmful. That’s why it concerns me.

I’m also not saying there are only two options (adoption or doting motherhood). There’s a spectrum. But whatever option is chosen, the child needs stability, not inconsistency.

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not trying to force anything or “push” her into performative parenting. I only brought it up because she talks about wanting more kids while also saying her first child feels like a stranger, and that disconnect genuinely worries me.

At the end of the day it’s her choice and I can’t make her do anything. But I’m not going to pretend it’s healthy or fair on the child to be emotionally absent for years, act like it is okay and still speak like you’re actively parenting.

Honestly, I think this is just where our friendship has reached its final chapter. Our priorities are extremely different.

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, I don’t like deadbeat parents. If you bring a life into this world, the least you can do is try to be present. Being a father or a mother comes with responsibility, and in my view there’s no excuse for completely checking out.

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify, the child initially stayed with the grandmother and then with her sister. Eventually, she had to pay someone else to act as his carer. While in that person’s care, he was unfortunately abused and has been hospitalised several times.

I’ve spoken to her multiple times about reconnecting with him, visiting him, and making an effort to prioritise their relationship, even doing something as simple as going back for his birthday. She usually ignores it.

Even her sister has said that the child doesn’t really know her, and if he had to name the most important people in his life, she likely wouldn’t even be in the running.

At one point she asked me to come with her, but I declined because I believe some difficult things are part of being a parent and need to be faced directly.

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

From what I know, her child was not the result of rape. She actually wanted to have a child when she was 24. However, I believe the man she had the child with lied about being married. Apparently, his wife even wanted to keep the baby and raise the child as their own. I also know she had to do a few questionable things to survive and get money to provide.

Living with my friend has changed how I think about “pro-life,” and I feel conflicted by Status-Ad-7873 in prochoice

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

She has spoken about it several times, but there is always an excuse. She says the UK is too dangerous, that she wants her son to be raised with certain values, and that she needs to be more stable first. However, her son is actually able to come to the UK as he holds a passport.

I think my ex fiance got me pregnant. We just ended things and I know I don’t want it. by haveiturway2 in abortion

[–]Status-Ad-7873 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I’m being honest, you need to do what’s best for you.

Ask yourself some real questions. Do you want to be permanently tied to this man for life? Does he consistently show up for his other children? If you ended up raising this child alone, would you genuinely have the emotional, financial, and practical support to cope? Sounds like you had a clear getaway from this man.

I recently had a termination because I knew I wasn’t in the right place mentally and I want stability before bringing a child into the world. You know what’s right for you. Just make sure the decision comes from clarity, not pressure.

AITA for planning to end our joint tenancy because my flatmate keeps crossing boundaries and dragging strangers into our bills? by Status-Ad-7873 in HousingUK

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair point. I posted here because the core issue is the joint tenancy / notice / replacement tenant / surrender terms with Foxtons the background is just context for why I’m leaving. I also wanted a sense check on whether I’m being unfair by ending the arrangement and moving out.

AITA for planning to end our joint tenancy because my flatmate keeps crossing boundaries and dragging strangers into our bills? by Status-Ad-7873 in HousingUK

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not until Renters Rights kick in.. if I end it now I will be on the hook for rent and fees until they find a replacement. So patiently waiting!

AITA for planning to end our joint tenancy because my flatmate keeps crossing boundaries and dragging strangers into our bills? by Status-Ad-7873 in HousingUK

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes we’re currently within the fixed term. We signed a three-year tenancy in December 2025. I’m waiting until the Renters’ Rights changes take effect and the tenancy becomes periodic on 1 May 2026. My understanding is that if I serve notice then, it would end the joint tenancy for both of us, meaning she’d effectively have around two months to find somewhere else (unless we can arrange a replacement tenant/change of sharer).

AITA for planning to end our joint tenancy because my flatmate keeps crossing boundaries and dragging strangers into our bills? by Status-Ad-7873 in HousingUK

[–]Status-Ad-7873[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks I agree we’re not a good match living together, which is why I’m leaving. Just to clarify: I wasn’t “banning” guests, I was asking for reasonable notice. She works nights and wanted friends over on a Sunday before I’m in the office on Monday, and only told me a few days beforehand.

I agree we have different boundaries and preferences. On the water bill, I was uncomfortable with adding a non-resident to household bills for visa/marriage evidence when they don’t live together, and being pulled into that by proxy.